"Murphy was an optimist!"
Need More Foreplay! May 31, 2007 2:51 pm
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, Of Interest, Philosophy, Sex, Touchy Subjects
What exactly does it mean when a store’s personal lubricant section is larger than the condom section? I’ll tell you want it means! Too many people are rushing things! If you smoke after sex, you went too fast!
Granted, a lot of lubricant goes a little way when you’ve got the power tools out for some serious earth moving. And if you are brave enough to search Blingo for senior sex you will find that Google returns 2,080,000 links. Mom! Granddaddy’s bouncing on Granny again!
So, are we being targeted by marketers? Certainly! Fill up the shelves and people that have never used lube before will suddenly start thinking they need it! Hun, I was gonna buy you one of those tickler things and they had this slick stuff for $16.
Are more dried up crusty old people getting it on? Pfizer thinks so! Are people just getting kinkier? Darn tootin! Why else would prudish lawmakers in states like Alabama be trying to sway the tide with stupid laws that outlaw sex toys?
Btw, does anyone else hear banjos? Oh, nevermind, just a pig squealing.
Alright men! Repeat after me. If I am having sex on Friday, foreplay begins on the Wednesday before!
N.B. For people looking for the infamous some ladies prefer their tampons warm comment, it’s here.
8commentsThank you Youtube! May 16, 2007 3:22 pm
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, Philosophy, Publishing, Sex, VideoThis video is innocent. It’s your mind that’s not.
1 comment so farNow that’s college! May 3, 2007 6:54 am
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, Of Interest, VideoLook! A streaker at UT’s Hodges Library (video)!
1 comment so farYes and… April 30, 2007 8:32 am
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Health, Humor, Love, Mental, Of Being Dad, PhilosophyEarlier I wrote about speaking positively to your child. The next step comes from some comedic training I had under David Brian Alley who trained in Second City with the i.O. under Del Close and Charna Halpern (the teachers of most of the Saturday Night Live greats!).
Using these lessons, I became a founding member of a Knoxvillian comedy troupe called Einstein Simplified and performed regularly at Manhattan’s for two years. We forewent the Harold, Truth in Comedy’s performance piece, and focused on performing the exercises. The end result was a format exactly like Whose Line Is It Anyway? before it became vogue. (Our inspiration was the British version) The performances were thrilling!
Truth in Comedy: The Manual of Improvisation
For instance, on the stage, one performer might say, "the sky is green." The other performers must now roll with this statement. To negate it is argumentative and not comedic. The next performer might add, "Yes and gravity has quit working!" If another performer said something like, "No that’s crazy" comedic opportunity ends because again the performers are arguing or contradicting. So instead, the next performer agrees and adds, "Look, the ground is blue. Pull your ripcords!" By agreeing and adding information, the comedians create a story. Is it funny? That depends on the connections it makes with the live audience and physical choices the actors make. As long as the actors did not argue or contradict, they are at least entertaining in the fact that they could piece together such a story on the fly. Connections with the audience can be guaranteed by starting the story with suggestions taken from the audience. "Give us a location. And a color."
Applying this lesson to positive parenting is as simple as avoiding "no" in conversation. When your teenager asks, "can I go to the mall?" instead of abruptly declaring, "no I don’t have time because I am cleaning" agree and add, "yes, as soon as your room is clean." Do not set your child up for failure. "Yes, as soon as you have painted and re-roofed the house" is not agreeing and adding with respect to positive parenting. When your teen asks to go on a date, agree and add, "yes, as long as it is a group date with a chaperon."
Another example might be when a younger child asks for a sleep over. Delayed gratification and planning are difficult concepts in your single digits so their "yes and…"s should be more immediate; however, sleepovers give a great opportunity to teach scheduling. "Can I sleep over at Wyatt’s?" The child is obviously implying tonight. Rather than saying, "no, you didn’t plan ahead" try "yes, and let’s find a good night in our calendar." Your agreeing and adding to the conversation has created a win-win situation whereby the child’s disappointment can turn into anticipation, you bond with the child and teach cooperation as you look together at the family calendar, and planning/scheduling skills are taught. Simply saying, "no" in exasperation would have created an unhappy child who would eventually learn, "there’s no point in asking my parents."
"Yes and…" works in business too. Imagine having a sales meeting without once uttering the words "no," "but," or "not." How energized and excited the prospective client will be from such a positive experience!
Negativity seeps into our lives. The news thrives on shock, gore, and evil. Adversity, bill collectors, road ragers, corporate back stabbers, con artists, and just plain mean people abound in our lives. It is no wonder so many people need antidepressants. We should avoid adding to the bad karma! We have all heard that it is easier to smile than frown and yet we furrow our brows constantly. Breaking our negative habit takes hard work. Practice agreeing and adding! You will become a more positive, happier person with greater success in your endeavors.
add a commentMarker Fairy Strikes April 21, 2007 10:22 am
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Cathy, Daily Life, Family, Humor, Sex
Oh yes. Apparently we have a rouge Marker Fairy in our bedroom. Typically Marker Fairies dwell in the basements of college dormitories on weekends. Fortunately, despite my grand efforts, I never had the pleasure of a visit by a Marker Fairy until recently. Anyone want to wager why?
8commentsOnline Forums Have an Inherent Problem April 12, 2007 3:36 pm
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, Politics, Touchy SubjectsThe problem with online forums is that you cannot tell if the commenter is a child or a Republican.
2commentsHook, line, sinker April 1, 2007 11:54 am
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Humor, PhilosophyThe OakRider bought Atomic Tumor! (Don’t miss the related Haiku.)
And by the way, Google is giving away free broadband. And Gmail is providing a paper archive of your email.
5commentsWhat would we do without Google Maps? March 29, 2007 7:25 am
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Cool Sites, Humor, Of InterestToday’s Waste of Time March 12, 2007 7:00 am
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, VideoWell now. Here’s 8 minutes and 52 seconds of your life that I cannot give back. It’s in German but that doesn’t matter. Just keep watching.
add a commentIntroducing the book March 1, 2007 3:08 pm
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, Philosophy, VideoI assume everyone has seen this but because it epitomizes part of my life so well I must share.
add a commentDo you understand bloggers? February 2, 2007 9:33 am
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Blog, Humor, Philosophy, Publishing
Snow and Ice Coming! January 31, 2007 12:29 pm
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Environment, Humor, Sex, Touchy SubjectsThe wife implied that if we get snowed in we might get to do something adult! I dust off the supplies to find we have two winter coats. Woot! We are prepared to be snowed in for weeks!
So I thought I would peruse the Intertubes and brush up on my etiquette. Hmm. Apparently I’m not doing so well missing 3 out of 4 of The Big Don’ts for iced in and trying to stay warm exercises. Let’s examine.
Number One Don’t
Jump immediately up and run to the bathroom
Has someone been spying on us?
Number Two Don’t
Turn to one side of the bed and immediately sleep
That directly conflicts with The Man Manual!
Number Three Don’t
Make any sarcastic or joking remarks about the previous moments
Not fair! Natural noises, cramps, children’s footsteps on the stairs, curious pets, and light sleeping babies can turn what should be a feature length drama/action adventure with great special effects into a high speed, 3 minute YouTube comedy. How could one not joke?
Number Four Don’t
Check your mobile phone for messages or missed calls
Not a problem there. We just take the calls and keep going! Let your imagination wander next time we talk…
2commentsMy Dad Versus Your Dad January 26, 2007 9:33 am
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, PhilosophyUpdate: Apparently http://blaugh.com/ is suffering the Digg effect. Hopefully this image will return soon in the meantime I’ll mirror it with a local copy.
LASIK – just point and shoot! January 8, 2007 8:47 am
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, Philosophy
Tired of blurry vision? Tired of contacts and glasses? Have you considered LASIK but just don’t like the big price tag? Now there is a solution for you! LASIK@Home! Yes, we are talking about affordable in-home LASIK surgery you can do yourself!
In the past, LASIK surgery was an expensive procedure that could only be performed by skilled professionals in a doctor’s office or eye clinic. Often costing upwards of $1000 per eye and almost never covered by insurance, Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis (LASIK) was beyond the reach of most Americans. [Source]
Clear vision is a mere four steps away!
add a commentBush Supporters Are Nuts! January 5, 2007 3:36 pm
Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, Politics, Touchy Subjects, United StatesAnd the funniest thing I read this week:
add a commentLohse, a social work master’s student at Southern Connecticut State University, says he has proven what many progressives have probably suspected for years: a direct link between mental illness and support for President Bush. [Source]
