Reality Me

Just left interstate

Jeep noise bothering noah not tommy.

40 minutes late to start 40 miles to drive. Bad dad.

—

Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

When I am “doing” things are good. When I am not doing things are real bad. Basically if I have too much time to think I flip out. Right now I am sorting clothes. Granted I’m nearing our deadline to leave the house and we are not ready but that doesn’t have me paniced the way I was before I was sorting clothes.

Doing is good.

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

Today is the camping trip. As is typical of my style lately, I am ill prepared. My wife worked hard to gather our things last night but I had no energy to help her or to finish the packing so now I am frantic to pack–actually, I am not frantic. I am calm but disappointed in myself.

I cannot get my mind off of money..the lack of money and my inability to generate money quickly. I’m a bit freaked.

I feel like even the most simple things in my life are turned into unnecessarily complicated tasks. Something that should require 3 minutes turns into 30 minutes of phone calls and hassle always.

My voice isn’t here. It’s more like there isn’t enough air in my lungs to make a voice. It’s quite irritating.

I want to just go to sleep but there is so much to do. Focus. One thing at a time.

Just came down to use the computer to try to express my feelings about a regular occurance in our house only to trip for the 4th time today over something in our basement that is covered in dirty clothes only then to find that the evening sun has entered the window by my desk all buy making the computer unusable.

My initial response was to simply go upstairs and prepare dinner which is what I’m supposed to be working on anyhow.

It’s incredibly numbing to constantly be faced with apparently insurmountable tasks. It’s one thing to have your day to day life then have it interupted with a burst water pipe but to have live day to day with multiple water pipes bursting and sometimes have them bursting faster than you can fix them is overwhelming. Such is my life!

Noah came home today with his Polo shirt signed by one of his friends in permanent ink. Apparently lots of kids had worn Tee shirts to school just for this activity. No problem, I have a concoction in the garage that will take care of it. Hmm. There’s the rub. The garage has become this unbearable monster and I can’t find the Goo. I have other cleaners but at this point I become so overwhelmed and depressed at the state of the garage that I cannot motivate myself to fix the shirt.

Ok. Let’s schedule a day and just clean the garage. umm. Well. This weekend is out. We are camping. And that brings us to the weekday which means I should spend every waking moment trying to bring in income. Of course, that needs to be interspersed with the regular day to day needs of cleaning, raising kids, cooking, emergencies, home maintenance and repair.

I want to cook but the kitchen is trashed from Cathy and I being completely dysfunctionally sick for 2 days. Ok. So let’s make a start. Let’s put the groceries she just bought away. Um. No counterspace. Head throb.

My stomach is still tender but I think I’ve made a decent recovery. Now I’m looking outside at the beautiful weather thinking “I’ll not get to enjoy this when I’m working from an office” and debating what I should be doing 1) sales calls on a Friday –ugly 2) planting plants or 3) cleaning my office/finances

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

I am feeling so much better. The achiness has mostly subsided. The nausea is gone. I have even ventured into eatting. Last night I had chicken broth, crackers, and grapes. This morning it was oat meal and a fruit cup.

I have to think only of the moment and do one thing at a time to keep from becoming totally freaked.

This weekeend is a boy scout camping trip. Originally it was to be Noah, Tommy and myself. I’d like to keep it that way but I’m not sure that I will have the strenght to deal with Tommy in his current state of crankiness. Sarah may end up going instead of Tommy.

Strength attempts a return.

—

Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

Fighting nausea and breathing is very labored. Considered the emergency room but an uninsured poor person I cannot afford health.

I don’t know what is going on with my throat but it feels like something is stuck in it like a chicken bone. I suspect that it is scratched. It is the most uncomfortable feeling I can imagine.

Kids beat parents 5 to 4 but i did score on noah

—

Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com