Year: 2007

Just got one off my back and made room for two more.

Heading into marriage? Already married? Want happiness? Here they are:

1. STFU!
2. Remember, women don’t want solutions. They simply want to be heard. So, STFU! Agree with everything!
3. The only words you should ever utter are "Yes Dear!" Otherwise, STFU!
4. Really, women do want solutions. They just don’t want your input. So, STFU! Do what they ask and when they accuse you of not doing it exactly like they ask say, "Yes Dear" and STFU! Then redo it.
5. Women know exactly what they want at the exact moment they want it. Later will be a different story. So, STFU! And later when they appear to change their mind, just STFU and do what they want because at that exact moment, they really do know exactly what they want.
6. You had the ability to think for yourself when you were single but you chose to let the other head do the thinking. So, STFU! Drink beer it helps deaden those independent thoughts.
7. Women’s feelings get hurt but only when you speak. So, STFU!
8. To make-up for the emotional void created by their Stepford husband, the woman will have a need to spend lots of money so you need to STFU and make lots of money.
9. When they say they want to talk, they really mean they want to talk. STFU! And listen.
10. In your conversations, make sure your examples are generic otherwise they will over-react and hyper fixate on that example. Examples?! Conversations?! STFU!
11. If you cannot contain yourself and have the urge to speak, watch football. You can yell at the television and as long as you do not over use this privilege, the woman will view this as some acceptable, but highly misunderstood, ritualistic practice. Otherwise, STFU!

Is there a word in the English language that means "desperately trying to please someone but never being able to do so because every choice you make is wrong"?

I am sore and I am behind. Our trip to the Okefenokee to canoe with the alligators (and what great canoeists they are!) was a phenomenal experience. Now I go from proverbially paddling upstream to metaphorically paddling upstream. Every project is behind. Major work projects need attention. Maintenance and warranty work got called in while I was out. The house needs work. The vehicles need work. Paperwork needs work. My working office is a disaster and needs major work. I have been afraid to sit at the computer.

On the positive side, I am mentally and physically refreshed, motivated, have finished the laptop project, am focusing on some quick kills and am looking to make some very good changes in the short term. I might even shave!