Category: Daily Life

* grilled cheese for dinner

* discussed potential job 8 hours from here with Dad who probably thinks I’m crazy if I turn it down and father-in-law who would probably be disappointed if I took it. I’m flipped. There is an inner piece of me that says to escape the bonds of this town and that it would be good for the kids to live in a couple of different cities but another piece of me likes the settled in feeling and the bonds that grow over time. That piece of me says that familarity is good for the kids.

* Disappointed in myself for not having more energy. I spend too much time thinking about things that need to be done rather than doing things. There should have been much more computer time today including several emails and resumes. I am wearing down and will sleep. Hopefully I can begin with a fresh start EARLY tomorrow.

* gonna have one cold pissed off squirrel tonight. I’ve finally covered a hole in the facia that was allowing the critter to live in the attic. He was beginning to get serious about nesting (I think). We’ve heard quite a racket out of him these past couple of nights. No apparent damage.

* 13 yr old grouchy. Wife says he’s imitating me. I had thought of that. His meanness gets to me as well as his selfishness. I must improve.

A New Day!

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This Morning

* 19mth old and 13 year old up and stirring. As a horrible father I laid in bed and listened to her over the baby monitor play in her crib. I really wanted to fall back into a deep sleep. The dizziness was on hard. She sounded happen. The 13 yr old helped by bringing his medicine down.

* Finally at 9am I am feeling rotten and I go upstairs to a happy child and change her, turn on kids tv and promptly fall into a light sleep on the couch while she plays with her toys. Occasionally she climbs up and lies with me a few. She is wonderful.

* The 13 yr old wants to cook eggs and I give the go ahead and use it the required supervision as an inspiration to get my lazy body up and moving. I’m snippy with him and I try to correct it. He really tries to please and I don’t give him any slack anymore.

Last Night

* Father-in-law drops off wild 13 year old and I spend the next hour helping him calm. Father-in-law takes the 7 and 10 yr old. The 19mth old soooo loves her granddad!

* I don’t remember the evening. It ends reading and watching tv in bed with a couple of Guinness.

* Unbillable tech support hours for family member. Installing vpn software on a laptop. Wife asleep. Kids irritated that I’m making them clean.

Wow! Check out this surround sound system! Wear it on your shoulders!

* Google is really starting to bite bad. I’ve found myself going to Dogpile before considering Google’s 2nd page of results

* Baby napped from 10-now. I’m dog tired. Watched The Gods Must Be Crazy I then napped for 15 minutes

* Another bounced check in the mail today. Low energy today

A New Day!

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* Last night after running errands we returned and had the 7 year old’s 2 good friends in the neighborhood over for the night complete with royally burnt hamburgers. Enjoyed tv with the wife.

* This morning got up 8ish and got started sending the kids on admist breakfast.

* Now want to put my earrings back in. One hole has closed for sure and saddens me. I can’t find my earrings. They are somewhere in a box among all my other garbage. I’m torn anyway. I enjoy the jewerly but I know the inlaws would die, my folks would disapprove and its not the image I necessarily want to convey to the kids. So, a large piece of me says “grow up. Let that past die.” It’s strange how something so stupid could be a source of such conflict. Conflict may not be the right word. “Incompleteness” seems more correct. That in itself makes me think I’m projecting other pent up feelings and am using this as the outlet but I can’t quite grasp what it is that I’m feeling or seeking.

* Gave up on css box design for website. Returning to tabular format using ImageReady. Will return to css later.

* Time to run around with the family. Let’s go find ice!

* Upon returning I received a phone call saying I was accepted for an 11 month contract job in West TN. Yuck! That pulls me away from my family. I know that the wife will be driven crazy trying to get the kids to school and make appointments. I don’t care how badly we need the money, this feels wrong.

* 13 year old doing power struggles. How much effort am I supposed to put into this sad sack? When I try it often results in fighting with the wife. Perhaps its better just to ignore him.

Have I mentioned the 1inch of snow on the ground today and the cancelled school?

* ugh. Trying to get inspired to put in a resume or work on a website. If I can’t complete my own website in quick turn-a-round, how am I supposed to help a client? Think I’ll watch a Red Cross training tape then get to work. Calling Pantera (Dakota USA) to try to get help on the 13 year old’s scooter. Left a msg 2 days ago with no call back.

* notice from NBC. I’ve got until the 19th to bring the balance to positive. God I can’t lose that account!

* I was beginning to think the dizziness could be related to too much caffeine intake or not enough water. I haven’t throw out that theory yet however I was fine until I started hyper focusing on money (the lack there of) and I could feel the distant echo of a dizzy spell wanting to come on

* neighbors dog walked. onto resumes

A New Day!

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* Went to sleep last night about 10:30 – awoken at midnight – woke at 6:21am – woke several times between 6:30 and 9. Finally got up at 9. No dizziness!!

* Immediately yelled at the 13 year old for my laziness. That was wrong. Proceeded to be grumpy with the kids then sorta got a grip on myself and brought the tone down. My stress should not be their stress.

* Cooked eggs as everyone ran out to play in the snow.

* 9:30 neighbor calls to see if I could walk their dog. They are still in the hospital doing a hip replacement. No problems.

* still majorly stressing over where the money will come from.

Chaos upstairs. Do I go? Yes, its the right thing to do.