Funny things kids (and sometimes adults) say. Somethings these make you say “Hmmm.”
We ran out of drink boxes, so I prepared Amy’s apple juice in a plastic container with a built-in straw.
Dad: "Amy, this is your drink for lunch. Please don’t throw it away."
Amy, 4 years old going on 14: "Dad! I’ve only done this a thousand times already."
Cathy sends text message: "Fighting nausea"
Doug sprints upstairs: "Are you pregnant?!"
This one comes second hand because I was in the store.
Dad: Pulls up to liquor store and goes in. Eggnog sometimes needs rum.
Tommy: "Why are we at a wine store!"
Mom: —I don’t know her reply—
Tommy: "You better keep that stuff downstairs!"
As I get out of the bath.
Cathy: "Would you [take your naked body over to your computer] turn off your camera so that I [can take my dressed, albeit gowned body and] empty the dryer?"
Amy: "Dad. I’ve really been wanting to go to the beach for days."
Mom: "Sarah wants to go to school on a 10°C day in short sleeves and no jacket."
Dad: "If you are going to be dumb, you have to be tough."
Noah: "Dad, have you ever heard that song ‘The Devil Went Down to Georgia’?"
Amy: "Dad, when you went to school did you tell everyone your name was Dad?"
Dad: "Noah. I want you to close the bathroom door all the way [so that Evan can’t get in] then brush your teeth."
Noah: proceeds to start brushing his teeth.
Dad: "Noah, what did I say?"
Noah: "Close the door then brush my teeth."
Noah: Proceeds to start to brush teeth.
Dad: "What are you doing?!"
Noah: "Oh! Close the door."
Noah: Pushes door almost shut.
Dad: Pushes door open with finger.
Dad:"All the way!"
I live with the Marx Brothers.
Everyone overslept this morning. The elementary school bell rings at 7:45.
Dad: "Noah! Wake up! It’s 7:35."
Noah, 10, bolting upright, very staccato: "Holy crap!"
Dad, wide eyed and thinking to himself: I’ll let that one slide on this occasion.
It was very surprising because Noah watches his tongue well around adults.
Amy: "We sold Noah to the gypsies."
Dad: "Oh, those poor gypsies!"
Amy: "Noooo. Poor Noah!"
Noah, 15 minutes before he leaves for his school bus: "By the way, Dad, I need two composition books for TAG today."
Fortunately I use composition books for my project tracking. Unfortunately, I ran out of the $1.40 composition books and started using 15 cent notebooks instead.
Dad, as Noah walks out the door for his bus: "Noah, what are you carrying?"
Noah: "Oh yeah. Guess I don’t need this plate."
Noah returns pink plate with Tinkerbell picture to kitchen and walks out door with dry waffle in hand.
It is hard to be 10.
Amy runs up behind Dad: "boo!"
Dad jumps and screams: "You scared the begeebies outta me!"
Amy: "Mom, why does Dad have begeebies in him?"
Mom: "Ask your Dad."
Dad, after stalling a couple of sentences later: "You have begeebies in you for other people to scare out!"
Amy, satisfied: "Ooooh."
It’s good to be the dad.
Evan, at nearly 16 months, clearly says lots of words. Topping the list this morning:
"Roomba"
"I want"
Below Evan explains his fascination with words.
Husband: "What do you want for dinner honey?"
Wife: "Anything but ribs or salmon."
Husband: Gee thanks. That really narrows it down.