21 years of amazing adventures with Cathy and so many more adventures to come.
Her: “My head hurts.”
Me: “Can you smell things? How’s your sense of smell?”
Her: “I smell things fine. Quit jumping to that conclusion. If I stub my toe, you aren’t going to take my temperature.”
Me: “But lack of coordination is a covid symptom.”
Her: “I hate this life! Go away.”
Noah walks in shirtless.
Mom: "Amy, put lotion on your brother’s back."
Amy squawks through the house: "Whaaaat?!"
Dad: "It puts the lotion on the skin!"
Noah: "I can do it."
My wife: "The squirrels are eating my bush. Would you check on it for me?"
Me: *blink* *blink* "Yes dear."
Mother: "Do you know you’re driving me crazy?"
11 year old boy: "Now I do!"
After 16 years, I have finally figured out when I can and cannot ask my wife for a special dates. Data is beautiful!
Cathy: "You’ve managed to redneck your whiskey!"
Her: What do you want for dinner?
Him: *something* *something* *9 1/2 weeks* *inappropriate* *something*
Her: Help me!
Her, holding up iPhone: Somehow, I don’t know how, it recorded that.
Him, grabbing iPhone sees an audio message sent to…Granny.
Him bolts out front door to see Granny fidgeting with her phone.
Him opens door to car and grabs phone.
Granny: I’ve never received an audio message before.
Him: I think it recorded silence.
13 year old, giggling: I think Dad recorded something by accident.
Him: It was your mother and it had secrets. *delete*
Her: I deleted it but it just took a while.
Him: That deletes it off your phone, not hers!
Me to wife: "You’ve made me old with snapchat."
Disembodied 10 year old voice from the back of the house: "Yeah, you are old" "hahaha!" "Get wrecked." "W-r-e-k-e-d"
I woke up this morning feeling very groggy. Not hung over. I didn’t drink that much. Just that ache of exhaustion punishment on the body after giving in to a decent night’s sleep.
I approach the coffee maker and there is plenty of water but I think it would be nice to fill it up so Cathy has enough for her coffee. In the process, the cup that I use to transfer water into the reservoir slips from my hand landing perfectly on a vase with the correct angle and velocity to shatter the vase into a million pieces.
Cathy’s response? "Oh, that’s just from way back when you used to bring me flowers. It’s no big…wait, I’m devastated! Only a Starbucks will make me feel better."
Cathy: "You are returning that funeral home questionnaire!?"