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I am so loved

I am so loved by my family! And I so do not deserve it. They love me unconditionally. I have been weak recently. I have responded to my children and wife in anger this week. Each time was completely unnecessary. Stress is no excuse. Most recently we had a fire in the house. Amy burned a note her brother wrote a time ago. It had some ugliness in it she decided no one else should see so she burned it in a trash can filling the house with smoke. I was calm as I sought out the smell of fire. She was afraid and denied it being a fire. I said, “that is a fire” to which she replied, “no it is not a fire.” I was flabbergasted and lost my temper. I brought tears instead of taking the opportunity to teach. The fire was controlled. We could have observed it. Discussed it. But alas, I yelled. Words and shouts in anger are no different than using hands for hitting. I regrouped and asked that we open all the windows. Two remained closed and when I asked Amy to open them she back talked and my anger resurfaced. Oh teenage girls…so difficult.

I was just treated to an early Father’s Day. My family is terrific! I am so undeserving of their love. I vow to be a better father to them. A better provider. And a kinder soul. To my family, I love you!

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From the mouths of babes

Tommy: "You were typing on my keyboard the other night weren’t you?"

Me: “Yes, I just wanted to try it out. I’m thinking about buying one.”

Tommy: “The guys in my forum got a good laugh out of that.”

Me: “Oh, your monitors were off but your computer was still on wasn’t it?”

Tommy: “Yup. You typed your initials and part of your name. Then ‘This would be a good keyboard for programming.’ and some random characters. I told them ‘Oh, that was just my dad playing on the keyboard.’ They got a good laugh out of it.”

  1. I’ve become THAT dad.
  2. it is time to change that password.
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From the mouths of babes

Her: What do you want for dinner?
Him: *something* *something* *9 1/2 weeks* *inappropriate* *something*
Her: Help me!
Him: What?
Her, holding up iPhone: Somehow, I don’t know how, it recorded that.
Him, grabbing iPhone sees an audio message sent to…Granny.
Him bolts out front door to see Granny fidgeting with her phone.
Him opens door to car and grabs phone.
Granny: I’ve never received an audio message before.
Him: I think it recorded silence.
13 year old, giggling: I think Dad recorded something by accident.
Him: It was your mother and it had secrets. *delete*
Her: I deleted it but it just took a while.
Him: That deletes it off your phone, not hers!
Him: Awkward.

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Sunday night

I’ve reached that point in the evening where I acknowledge I’m too tired to program but could muster and go a few more hours. Or I could relax with a book. Or television with the wife. Or guitar on the porch while the storm rolls in. Or meditate. Or fret. Or clean the kitchen. Or clean my desk downstairs. Or plan. Or or or or…sleep.

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Today begins a new chapter in my children’s lives

The state of TN is at war with public education. They are out to destroy public education and my youngest two children are on the front lines. We are testing our children to stupidity. The teachers have no time to provide a quality education because we are constantly prepping for the next test. I am pro-gadget, pro-electronic and want my children absorbed in this fascinating digital world with their easy access to all of humanity’s knowledge. However, my ten year old’s generation is suffering as the first generation to be raised from birth with screens in front of them. Their craving for information and multitasking is on par with a cocaine addict, alcoholic, or gambler.

I personally have fallen. I have failed to dedicate time to my children. Today changes that. Today we began meditation and reading aloud (Jonathan Livingston Seagull). Today we began to learn about First Things First with a discussion of the four quadrants and how to live in Quad II. Today is a good day and will be followed by so many more.

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Our spaceship

I imagine our ancestors’ conversations went something like this:
Scientist 1: “We should explore the universe.”
Engineer 1: “How? It’s so large it would like multiple hundreds of lifetimes.”
Engineer 2: “We’d need a space ship. That could hold a lot of water. I mean like 71% water.”
Scientist 1: “Ok. What about food?”
Engineer 1: “The space ship needs to hold lots of food. Generations of food. Means that we cannot package it. Has to be renewable. That means soil, fertilizer, a lot that water. Oh, and animals. The animals are a food source as well as fertilizer generators.”
Engineer 1: “Damn this is going to require a lot of energy.”
Engineer 2: “That’s easy. Fusion!”
Engineer 1: “That would have the side affect of killing all the people, animals, and plants and contaminating or evaporating all the water.”
Engineer 2: “Not if the Fusion happens off of the space ship.”
Engineer 1: “Off the space ship? That would have to be like 92.96 million miles OFF the space ship!”
Scientist 2: “This sounds great but wouldn’t astroids pose a treat to our space ship?”
Engineer 1 and 2 in unison: “We’d build shielding of course.”
Engineer 1: “Is the Jupiter project still being researched?”
Engineer 2: “It’s ready for production.”
Scientist 1: “Jupiter project?”
Engineer 2: “Basically you take hydrogen gas and package it in an oblong sphere that is approximately 88,846 miles in diameter and gravity will pull all the nearby astroids into the gas cloud obliterating the treat to our space ship.”
Scientist 1: “How do we move the space ship?”
Engineer 1: “We predetermine a course. You will get one relatively straight line so chose wisely. This ship is going to have so much mass that changing direction will be implausible. We will use the fusion energy source as the engine to move the spaceship along.”
Scientist 2: “The energy source that is 92 million miles from the space ship?”
Engineer 2: “92.96 million miles. Yes. That energy source is so massive that its gravity will pull the space ship and the shielding along with it. All we have to do is start with a large explosion, a big bang, to move the energy source along our predetermined path.”
Scientist 1: “Can we have two space ships?”
Engineer 1: “Sure! Tell you what. We can configure them slightly different. And call one Earth.”
Engineer 2: “And the other Mars! That way if one fails, our species continues to explore.”
Scientist 2: “Will the supplies last?
Engineer 1: “Just in case, let’s throw in 11 more supply ships. Each one can be responsible for a raw material that the primary two space ships may need for subsistence. Let’s call them Mercury. Venus. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune. Pluto, Hercules, Apollo, Zelus, and Priapus.”
Scientist 2: “Make it so number one.”

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My head throbs

My head throbs because it is raining outside and I want to be putting down lye and grass seed. My head throbs because I want to go back to yesterday morning and do yesterday completely different. My head throbs because I need to be working on my client’s work but I want to be writing. My head throbs because I have not yet had coffee. My head throbs because I want to be cleaning my house and making repairs. My head throbs because I have dreams I cannot, will not ever fill. My head throbs because I want to be doing my taxes. My head throbs because I am thinking about anything except what I am doing.