Sometimes you just have to go find a place to be alone and cry.
Category: Daily Life
Ramblings, often stream of conscious, journaling the events of my life.
Uninvited house guests
Confirmed. I have birds in the attic. Guess I should get those spot lights replaced.
State of Me
We all grow weary
The daily grind. People say such flippantly. But it wears on us. Grind. Dulling the edge. Like gears without oil. And our performance drops. Then our enthusiasm wanes. Leading to more stress. GRIND. Along comes motivation. Acceptance of the mistakes. A revitalization. But to escape the beatdown. You must work three times as hard. grind.
I am so loved
I am so loved by my family! And I so do not deserve it. They love me unconditionally. I have been weak recently. I have responded to my children and wife in anger this week. Each time was completely unnecessary. Stress is no excuse. Most recently we had a fire in the house. Amy burned a note her brother wrote a time ago. It had some ugliness in it she decided no one else should see so she burned it in a trash can filling the house with smoke. I was calm as I sought out the smell of fire. She was afraid and denied it being a fire. I said, “that is a fire” to which she replied, “no it is not a fire.” I was flabbergasted and lost my temper. I brought tears instead of taking the opportunity to teach. The fire was controlled. We could have observed it. Discussed it. But alas, I yelled. Words and shouts in anger are no different than using hands for hitting. I regrouped and asked that we open all the windows. Two remained closed and when I asked Amy to open them she back talked and my anger resurfaced. Oh teenage girls…so difficult.
I was just treated to an early Father’s Day. My family is terrific! I am so undeserving of their love. I vow to be a better father to them. A better provider. And a kinder soul. To my family, I love you!
From the mouths of babes
Tommy: "You were typing on my keyboard the other night weren’t you?"
Me: “Yes, I just wanted to try it out. I’m thinking about buying one.”
Tommy: “The guys in my forum got a good laugh out of that.”
Me: “Oh, your monitors were off but your computer was still on wasn’t it?”
Tommy: “Yup. You typed your initials and part of your name. Then ‘This would be a good keyboard for programming.’ and some random characters. I told them ‘Oh, that was just my dad playing on the keyboard.’ They got a good laugh out of it.”
- I’ve become THAT dad.
- it is time to change that password.
The Guilty Provider
Today is beautifully sunny. Apparently the children have a dental appointment in 2 hours (on Memorial Day?!). I’m at the computer programming and feeling guilty that I’m not spending time with the children.
Lawnmower repairs
This time the carburetor rebuild worked…damn.
From the mouths of babes
Her: What do you want for dinner?
Him: *something* *something* *9 1/2 weeks* *inappropriate* *something*
Her: Help me!
Him: What?
Her, holding up iPhone: Somehow, I don’t know how, it recorded that.
Him, grabbing iPhone sees an audio message sent to…Granny.
Him bolts out front door to see Granny fidgeting with her phone.
Him opens door to car and grabs phone.
Granny: I’ve never received an audio message before.
Him: I think it recorded silence.
13 year old, giggling: I think Dad recorded something by accident.
Him: It was your mother and it had secrets. *delete*
Her: I deleted it but it just took a while.
Him: That deletes it off your phone, not hers!
Him: Awkward.
Sunday night
I’ve reached that point in the evening where I acknowledge I’m too tired to program but could muster and go a few more hours. Or I could relax with a book. Or television with the wife. Or guitar on the porch while the storm rolls in. Or meditate. Or fret. Or clean the kitchen. Or clean my desk downstairs. Or plan. Or or or or…sleep.
The future cometh
In 7 years my children will all have graduated high school.
In 11 years my children will all have graduated college.
In 12 years nobody will be able to find me.
From the mouths of babes
Me: "Do you want steak for dinner?"
Boy child: "Do we have barbecue sauce?"
Me: "Ok, sirloin for you."
Protected: Tax paperwork
Saturday in the middle of April
It is a beautiful weekend…which I will be spending on the computer. And tax paperwork. And slipping in some cleaning. And medicating the animals.
I would like to be shopping for a new car, working on the yard, working on the house, gardening, adventuring with the children, etc. Such is adulthood.
Today begins a new chapter in my children’s lives
The state of TN is at war with public education. They are out to destroy public education and my youngest two children are on the front lines. We are testing our children to stupidity. The teachers have no time to provide a quality education because we are constantly prepping for the next test. I am pro-gadget, pro-electronic and want my children absorbed in this fascinating digital world with their easy access to all of humanity’s knowledge. However, my ten year old’s generation is suffering as the first generation to be raised from birth with screens in front of them. Their craving for information and multitasking is on par with a cocaine addict, alcoholic, or gambler.
I personally have fallen. I have failed to dedicate time to my children. Today changes that. Today we began meditation and reading aloud (Jonathan Livingston Seagull). Today we began to learn about First Things First with a discussion of the four quadrants and how to live in Quad II. Today is a good day and will be followed by so many more.
