Reality Me

I smell the lunatic. Watch for murph.

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Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

One of the unique pleasures you have as a parent is one that no new parent ever really thinks about or expects and that is sitting on the side of your tub cheerleading for your two year old as she sits on the toilet.

Dad: “You can do it! Push out the poop.”

Amy, pointing to the pictures on her special toilet seat: “Look Daddy! A duck!”

Dad: “Do ducks poop?”

Amy, shaking head: “NooOOO”

Dad: “Yes they do. Ducks poop.”

Mom from hallway: “Everyone Poops.”

Dad’s inner thoughts: That book is wrong.

Dad: “Does Molly poop?”

Amy: “No”

Dad: “Are you sure?”

Amy: “Molly poops inside!”

Ugh! Back to cheerleading… “Push the poop out! You can do it! Aw, that was a poot not a poop. Keep trying. Push it out! Shove it out! Waaaayy out!”

  

I find this humourous and interesting. My referrer log shows that within 28 seconds I had visitors from:

22 Aug, Sun, 22:32:31 http://monk101.blogspot.com/

22 Aug, Sun, 22:32:59 http://adirian.blogspot.com/

Of course, if you are not a fan of the show “Monk” then this has little meaning. And yes, I know “Adrian” but its close!

  

The Premiere Episode

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

Alarm at 4. Woke strongly at 5. Sat in bed until 5:11 being excited that I would get an hour’s work in bedfore waking the kids. Slept deep! Work at 5:12. That was wierd. Decided to lie in bed and ponder how 1 minute of sleep could feel like an hour. Woke at 6:14 to rise.

Today is to be action packed. A charitable friend is going to save my tail a bit by paying me to do some work on his house that he otherwise would have done himself. He also knows I would do the work for free. It’s good to be loved.

Ok. Here is where I mess up as a guy. My wife wants a clean house. I see the dog chewing on a dryer sheet and I think, “wow! I can keep the wife happy by throwing this trash away and keep the dog from getting ill at the same time.” So as I walk past my wife to get to the trash can, while I have one leg in motion she turns toward me and crams a bottle of spray n wash in my hand holding the dryer sheet, and a spray bottle into the other hand and turns back to her washing machine without a word.

Stupid move #1: Walking too close to a woman in task mode

Stupid move #2: Asking the question, “What do you want me to do with these?” Agast woman replies, “You looked like you needed something to do.”

Stupid move #3: Blogging this and pondering writing an essay on the subject of “looking like you needed something to do” because it occurs to me that rarely when I have been doing nothing have I heard those words. They usually occur when I am indeed doing something. I can only assume that my deaf ear is missing a word.

Let’s extrapolate:

“You” No hidden meaning there. I think that is pretty direct and to the point. No other words yet so nothing to read between.

“looked” Ok. Was I looking? That could very well be part of the problem. She has misinterpreted my desire to not walk into walls as ‘seeking’ instead of ‘seeing.’ Let’s see. Put it together “You looked” Hmm.. Past tense? Could mean she actually was examining me. Ah! Checkin’ out my bod! That’s natural, ok, and to be expected. Now the hard part. Let’s look for what is missing. “You lazy son of a gun looked” “You ignoramous looked” “You looked stupid” Not quite there.

“like” A comparison. I see where this is going. It’s sexual. She’s comparing me to old glorified memories of previous lovers. Remembering 5 inch Charlie as 10 inch John. Obviously this is a cry for more nurturing and touching. My baby needs a hug!

“you” see above. Except! Let’s read the hidden meaning. “You looked like you” So obviously she has this image of me at an earlier time in our relationship stuck in her head and longs for me to be that way again. As I picked up the trash from the floor I commited a chivalrous bowing motion that caused her to swoon and long for my presence to be extended. Since it was obvious that I was about to make a hasty exodus she had to confuse and delay me thus the placing of two foreign objects in my hands without instruction. Her inner thought, “that’ll stupify the moron for 10 minutes.”

“needed” She’s lonely. Not in a male sexual relationship kind of way but for a same sex friend to lean on companion kind of way. You know. Two women that can be best of friends and share secrets until one day they are being silly and things get a little out of hand then they can’t ever talk to each other but individually live the rest of their lives with that echo in their head “hey, that was kind of nice and he just doesn’t do the same thing.” But mostly I think when she says “needed” she is seeing my feminine side. Perhaps it showed in my grace as I swooped down to gently remove the dryer sheet from the canine’s canines. And she relates to me better now the way she would relate to that best friend. Cool! I’m getting laid!

“something” I’m getting laid!

“to” Twice!

“do” I’m getting laid!

All in all when you come down to it, I am pretty certain that “You looked like you needed something to do” really means “You looked like you were doing the wrong thing and I needed to correct you and have you do the thing that I needed you to do.”

Yes dear.

George Bush’s resume

Student: I have such dreams!

Master: There are dreamers that dream. There are dreamers that do. Which are you?

The automobile insurance has lapsed.

The fire protection on the house has lapsed.

The next things to go in rapid succession are cable tv (yes a luxury), Internet (a necessity), cell phones, electricity and house phone.

The funny thing about losing a utility or getting behind on a bill is that when you get a small amount of money you still can’t pay the bill because its jacked with reconnection fees and late fees and penalties so you end up making a choice between one bill and another. The same amount of money may have previously covered both bills but now you have to skip one to pay the other. Later you will have to pay the skipped one and it will have all the same fees and penalties so you will be back to squares.

Fire protection is right around $200 for the year. Let’s say now that its expired that the house catches fire. They still show up. They still save the lives and put the fire out. However, you then end up with a $9000+ bill to pay for water, salaries, etc. So, if you could not afford the protection when you had a house with a computer and a potential means, how are you supposed to pay $9k with everything water damaged and burned?

My policital compass:

Economic Left/Right: -4.88

Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -4.77

I think like Dalai Lama!

Thanks to Whoa Mama! for the link!

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

woke again at 4am. The other day it ws 4:44 (I enjoy that). 4am is my magic time. It’s when I should be getting up. The time is established. Now I need to work on will power.

Time to brew coffee and program.

Tuesday is potentially the end of our Internet connection. If on Monday I by some miracle put $142.98 into the cable company’s coffers then I get to extend us a month. There is only 1 minor chance of this happening.

Anyhow, if my wife and I suddenly stop answering emails and blog posts abruptly quit don’t jump to the worst of conclusions. Just look for me on the corner of Kingston Pike and Morrell with a sign that says “Will program for a cable connection…and no, I didn’t part in the Deane Hill shopping center’s parking lot.”

I am paying dearly for not getting up in time. The dog is caged (I can’t walk far from her), Noah is up and Amy just announced herself. I have pulled out the 409 cleaner but not even squeezed the trigger once.

Television is a demon. Noah has Gameboy in one hand and the television remote in the other. I hate that! After his show wasn’t on he went to town looking for a different show. I finally said, “you aren’t even dressed” and took the television and the gameboy away. He has to be limited to only 2 hours a day. That is a difficult one to enforce.

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

Set the alarm for 4am. It was critical that I get up. I got up at 6:10.

Walking the dog really slows me down. But I have to make some effort to train her to do her business outside. I’m conflicted because I don’t want her waking the household. So, do I proceed with training and have my tasks delayed or do I skip the training and let her make a mess on the floor?

This is going to be a long day.

* Destroyed my relationship.

* Picked up residential client’s computer for weekend maintenance

* Picked Sarah up from her first and last cross country practice. “I don’t like to sweat.”