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Fearing Men – Bad for society

Thank you Lenore Skenazy!

We think we’re protecting our kids by treating all men as potential predators. But that’s not a society that’s safe. Just sick. [Source, Wall Street Journal, Eek! A Male!]

I have suffered this myself. See, I’m that creepy stalker guy.

I dropped by the high school band practice to give my daughter some money since she decided to stay from practice to the game instead of coming home. My wife and 3 other children were in the van as I approached the field. The girls on the flag team became concerned because “a creepy stalker guy” was approaching the field. Their response was an immediate jump to the negative.

How strong was the impact of this experience with my daughter? Two days ago I offered to drop by during band camp to offer support to the team and my daughter begged me to stay away. She reminded me specifically that I am “that creepy stalker guy.” Wow. Gee. Thank you society for the hollow feeling you have put in my chest, destroying bonding opportunities between my daughter and me, and embarrassing my daughter in front of her peers.

How can we be raising happy children to become happy adults when we are teaching them to focus only on the negative…and a negative that is highly unlikely?

[Source, Reality Me, I am the creepy stalker guy]

Imagine the hysteria that I could have created by trying to take a picture of my daughter practicing. Perhaps I would have ended up in jail.

Our attitudes toward males around children drive men away from the early education system where they are greatly needed. A segue: Our children need more hugs. A child who has fallen on the playground should be picked up and comforted by an adult (male or female) and often that comfort comes in the form of a hug. Touch is important but our society now fears it so much that I think we are turning into a parody of the movie Demolition Man. I implore the teachers of my children to hug them if they need it.

I could easily quote all of Lenore Skenazy’s article but let’s end with this. As you jump to the negative giving in to media driven fearful hysteria, think hard about this incident:

In England in 2006, BBC News reported the story of a bricklayer who spotted a toddler at the side of the road. As he later testified at a hearing, he didn’t stop to help for fear he’d be accused of trying to abduct her. You know: A man driving around with a little girl in his car? She ended up at a pond and drowned. [Source, Wall Street Journal, Eek! A Male!]

See also: Every possible form of interaction between an adult and a child is perceived as yet another opportunity for child abuse.

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Drunk Bastard

Can you imagine growing up and having to explain at every pool party why the letters D-B were on your shoulder? "Oh, that means my father is an a**hole."

Floyd County Georgia authorities arrested a father for what he did to his three year old son. Investigators say he tattooed the letters "D-B" on the boy’s right shoulder. The father says it stands for "daddy’s Boy." … the father admitted to police that he was drunk … [Source, WDEF News, Father Charged With Tattooing His 3 Year Old]

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I am the creepy stalker guy

I have had a post in draft that I thought Dr. Helen would enjoy but I just haven’t found the time to finish it. Today she posted "Every possible form of interaction between an adult and a child is perceived as yet another opportunity for child abuse." and I commented with the story from my post:

We are creating a horrible side affect in the way our children perceive the world. The lack of trust and an understanding that most people are good will impact the choices they make in our future as they become voters and influence laws in our society.

Last year I dropped by the high school band practice to give my daughter some money since she decided to stay from practice to the game instead of coming home. My wife and 3 other children were in the van as I approached the field. The girls on the flag team became concerned because "a creepy stalker guy" was approaching the field. Their response was an immediate jump to the negative.

How strong was the impact of this experience with my daughter? Two days ago I offered to drop by during band camp to offer support to the team and my daughter begged me to stay away. She reminded me specifically that I am “that creepy stalker guy.” Wow. Gee. Thank you society for the hollow feeling you have put in my chest, destroying bonding opportunities between my daughter and me, and embarrassing my daughter in front of her peers.

How can we be raising happy children to become happy adults when we are teaching them to focus only on the negative…and a negative that is highly unlikely?

As a male in our society, I encounter these horrid attitudes more and more frequently particularly as I lead scouts or visit schools. Boy Scouts of America has added training for the adult leaders as well as the children regarding child abuse. Nothing is more uncomfortable than talking to an 8 year old about potential child abuse except maybe talking to a second grader about sexual harassment but that’s a different a story for a different time.

Recently, an adult was asking about how to handle my children while they were at camp and I instructed, "Be firm. Be direct. Tell them they are being annoying." He said he couldn’t do that to another person’s child. You know. We used to say, "it takes a village [to raise a child]." Now everyone in the village is a suspect for an imagined crime that has yet to happen. I believe in the school of hard knocks. I believe in common sense. And I believe in people! Wrong me once, shame on you; wrong me twice, shame on me. I will protect my children within reason. I will not/cannot bubble wrap them and protect them from every sharp corner or hard surface. They will learn more and live fuller lives by me allowing them to fall down or break a bone than by my words and fears. I will teach them trust, and impact upon them common sense.

See also: Slate, 800,000 Missing Kids? Really? Making sense of child abduction statistics.

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Disturbing News of the Day

Can you say "psychotherapy?" I knew you could!

A 12-year-old girl has testified in court that she saw her father kill her mother and he then forced her to help dismember the body with a circular saw. [Source, WBIR]

Now that’s some authoritative parenting! I can’t even get my children to sweep the floors! I wonder what that girls career will become. And the grossness continues…

Police said James Hawkins cleaned the saw and returned it to a store where he had obtained it. [Source, WBIR]

…which means someone else bought that circular saw and is cheerfully using it to build their bookshelves in their house. Of course, they’ll never understand why the books seem to rearrange themselves, occasionally jump off the shelf, and exhibit symmetrical book stacking just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.

I don’t get how someone could do this to another human being much less include their child in the act!