Posted on 8 Comments

Need More Foreplay!

Target's aisle of protection

What exactly does it mean when a store’s personal lubricant section is larger than the condom section? I’ll tell you want it means! Too many people are rushing things! If you smoke after sex, you went too fast! Granted, a lot of lubricant goes a little way when you’ve got the power tools out for some serious earth moving. And if you are brave enough to search Blingo for senior sex you will find that Google returns 2,080,000 links. Mom! Granddaddy’s bouncing on Granny again!

So, are we being targeted by marketers? Certainly! Fill up the shelves and people that have never used lube before will suddenly start thinking they need it! Hun, I was gonna buy you one of those tickler things and they had this slick stuff for $16. Are more dried up crusty old people getting it on? Pfizer thinks so! Are people just getting kinkier? Darn tootin! Why else would prudish lawmakers in states like Alabama be trying to sway the tide with stupid laws that outlaw sex toys?

Btw, does anyone else hear banjos? Oh, nevermind, just a pig squealing.

Alright men! Repeat after me. If I am having sex on Friday, foreplay begins on the Wednesday before!

N.B. For people looking for the infamous some ladies prefer their tampons warm comment, it’s here.

8 thoughts on “Need More Foreplay!

  1. Whaaaa?!? Have you gone completely insane?

  2. After the initial shock from the post, I think that what you are really observing is the effect of more people using anti-depressants which affect their bodies’ natural abilities as well as the increase in the use of sexual “enhancement” medications.

  3. Have you gone completely insane?

    I suppose, perhaps, I have been reading too much Zero Boss.

  4. Stop watching the Peaches video during work hours.

  5. Wednesday? That seems like it’d get my back pretty sore…

  6. If you want to get a template built by sunday then start on friday without lubricant!

  7. Har har! Certainly makes typing difficult.

  8. […] the past few years I have made several references to Alabama outlawing sex toys. Here’s my response to Michael Silence’s post on Alabama sex toys today: These laws are […]

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