There is nothing more painful than regret.
Month: September 2010
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No Fear
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Invincible
I used to think that there was no challenge I could not beat
No malady I could not overcome
No loss from which I could not recover
No misguided step from which I could not correct
No betrayal which I could not forgive
No pain which I could not withstand
No negative which I could not make positive
On all accounts, I was wrong. -
Dreamed away
The thing of it is
I did what I did
Ten years, no twenty, got behind me
Thought I was a dreamer that did
But I’m just a dreamer with wishes
My many opportunities, all misses
Those dreams all gone now
Replaced with struggle and survival
Life gets in the way
Of living -
Deep Thoughts
I awoke from a 30 year dream
And reality smacked me in the face. -
Joys of home ownership
Tonight, I am not a computer programmer. I am a washing machine repair man!
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Darkness
The Darkness came for me in the night
With the setting sun
The loss of light
The Darkness enveloped and consumed
No brightness, only gloom
The Darkness took from me my soul
I gave no fight
For I am too old
I should be relieved that it is gone
But in place of my heart
It left a gaping hole. -
From the mouths of babes
Evan: If I waste the batteries, daddy can fix it.
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If…
If you wake up on the couch and don’t remember why, you probably owe penance. Let the self-deprecation begin!
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State of me
i’m happy!
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Doug’s Mantras
Just say yes!
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Doug’s Mantras
Never start at the top.
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Doug’s Mantras
Count to 10; Wait 24 hours.
With credit due to Chris Jepeway.
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Doug’s Mantras
Just let it go.
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Doug’s Mantras
Move forward.
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Gotta hand it to the Buddhists
So I was doing this chanting thing that Jason Jarrett turned me onto. For the first time in 30 years, I was truly starting to feel contentment, happiness even, perhaps I’d go so far as to say joy, in all things. But the chanting felt a bit odd. I think my wife found it hokey and I believe it is important in marriage that the couple be eye to eye on religious and spiritual stuff. Plus as I looked into the practice of Buddhism more and read more about stuff revolving around the alter it began to feel a little like some of those things that I find distasteful about particular organized religions. I guess the biggest killer for me was not finding support for the Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonin in Knoxville. There’s a Buddhist temple on Dutchtown Road but they don’t speak English. The language barrier didn’t stop me from going as much as it being a different practice than what Jason Jarrett introduced me to. I dropped in on another place in Knoxville near Homberg Place which was a different practice than either Nichiren or the one on Dutchtown and they just looked at me like, "who’s the old guy?" Despite the sign that read "All welcome" I did not feel welcome. Apparently there is a Nichiren youth organization in Knoxville but I don’t really want the old guy experience again.
So I quit chanting. Then everything went to shit. Coincidence? Probably. There’s some karma crap to be considered too. I was working very hard at removing negativity in my life so the response karmicly speaking was an abundance of negativity was drawn to me. The happier I felt, the greater the onslaught of crap that seemed to be directed at me. There was some Murph stuff too. If you don’t know Murph, you’ll have to buy me a beer and I’ll tell you about him sometime. The flat tire yesterday was a Murph moment. I produced a deluge of negativity and in response I was punished with a flat tire. A wake up call of sorts.
So, I’ll continue listening to A Buddhist Podcast because it is truly one of the best produced podcasts I regularly enjoy. I may even keep chanting if for any reason, for my children. It is so nice when Evan or Amy spontaneously erupt in chant. I believe it is very good for them. But I think my experiment in Buddhism is a bust.