We asked the 10.5 year old to watch something other than Futurama or Simpsons. He begins his breakdown as I try to find Animaniacs or Pinky and the Brain.
Me: "Do you want to play some cards with me?"
Evan: "No"
Me: "Do you want to play a board game with me?"
Evan: "No"
Me: "Do you want to be in the same room with me?"
Evan: "I’m going to go take a bath."
I played catch with my son with a football and discussed proper kicking technique. I leveled up as a dad today.
I dropped Evan off at Camp today. Last year I had the pleasure of being a campsite host. I passed on being part of the staff this year. I had the pleasure of seeing several adults and scouts who were part of campsite #8 last year. Really enjoyed speaking with them again. Some were staying at camp and for half a moment I thought how fun it would be to simply hang out with the other adults (the parents are being kept away from the children); however, duty calls.
It was bittersweet dropping Evan off and just leaving. I didn’t even wait for them to hike away from the check-in. He was laughing with new faces, new friends, and didn’t need me around. They grow too fast. I’m quite happy for Evan.
Cathy: "Evan, do you have any self control?!"
Evan, 9: "No but…"
Evan, 9: "Why do we have a weeping angel [on our bookshelf]?"
Me, with intensity: "Don’t look away!"
Evan: *Looks at me* *pauses* *smacks hand to face* "Oh, I would have been sooo dead!"
Evan, bemoaning tomorrow being a school day.
Dad: "I’ll switch with you. You go to work for me and I’ll go to school for you."
Evan: "Ok. I’ll go and ask them to fire me. Then I’ll get a fun job like Chuck E Cheese or Sonic!"
Evan singing “la la laaa la”
Me: how do you know that song?
Evan: “Wreck it Ralph” “Help! I need somebody. Help.”
Me: “is that from Wreck It Ralph too?”
Evan: “No, Dad. That’s the Beatles!”
Evan, 9 years old: “I like being high!” “Everything looks different when you are high. It’s so beautiful.” “Being high is awesome!”
We were driving the rental truck home.
Nine years ago, I held a blank journal in my hands and promised the gooey alien freshly spat from wife’s vagina that I would write a letter to him every day. Today the alien can read but fortunately is far more interested in watching Youtube videos of people playing Minecraft narrated by fowl mouthed f-bomb dropping cynics than seeking out my digital drivel. While the dusty journal remains devoid of entries, fear not son, I have left a virtual trail of embarrassing photographs, stories and videos to provide you and your future therapist countless hours of recurring couch sessions. Happy Birthday! You mean the world to me! (and please quit cursing behind our backs)
[Dear reader, They grow up fast. Set the excuses aside and spend time with them lest you role play a Harry Chapin ballad. And the ‘cursing behind our backs’ was a joke.]
This week represents the last 2 and a half days of school for Knox County students. So naturally they are working hard to prepare the students for their rising grade by showing them 2.5 days of movies, video games, and socializing.
I would love to see 2.5 days of fine tuning study skills, personal time management, and lateral thinking puzzles.
That said, drivers be alert. You are about to see children in places at times you don’t expect them.
"Stop fighting, Goddammit!"
Just taught roman numerals to my 8 year old. That was fun!
Learn more about Node+ at variableinc.com.
College girl has come home for Thanksgiving.
Evan, 8 years old: "Mom! Sarah has different boobs. Sarah’s boobs are fluffy."
I’m really hoping I misheard that and he really said "boots."
Tonight’s awkward moment of reading aloud to your 8 year old brought to by Neil Gaimen in Stardust
Skipping to the next safe paragraph, I continue reading to my children.