Me, writhing in pain trying to remove my pants and begging my wife to help.
Wife: "Well aren’t you the special butterfly!"
Category: From the mouths of babes
Funny things kids (and sometimes adults) say. Somethings these make you say “Hmmm.”
From the mouths of babes
Somehow I hurt my knee badly. I suspect it has something to do with playing hacky sack with Amy (10) and Evan (7) at the bus stop every morning. How badly? Last night I iced it with a 50/50 slurry of water and 90% isopropyl alochol, and washed a hydrocodone down with a glass of wine (or two). How badly? This morning my wife had to help me put my pants and shoes on.
Me, hobbling to the bus stop with one of my Mountainsmith Carbonlite Pro Trekking Poles
Evan, 7 years old, cheerfully: "You look like Granddaddy!"
Nothing heals you faster! (And guess which child is getting coal for Christmas)
From the mouths of babes
Moe’s employee: "What can I get you brother?"
Evan, seven years old: "You’re not my brother."
Moe’s employee: "Little man, that just means I like you. We’re friends."
Evan: "But you’re not my brother."
From the mouths of babes
Evan, seven years old: "Daddy, wanna know something? When you get too old, you get a goatee."
From the mouths of babes
Cathy: "Doug, practice your breathing please."
Best wife e’vr! Without Cathy, I’d be on the floor all blue in the face.
From the mouths of babes
Cathy: "Spit the cat out."
From the mouths of babes
Me: "Who picked their nose and put boogers on the wall?"
Blushing child: "I sneezed."
From the mouths of babes
Wife: "May I buy kitten food?"
Me: "If I say no, will it go away faster?"
Apparently, that was not the correct answer.
From the mouths of babes
Evan, 7 years old, talking to Mom: "I thought Daddy and I were still cleaning the garage today. I’m his best helper."
I love that boy so much!
From the mouths of babes
15 year old boy: "This Kool-aid kinda smells like vomit."
Me: "What did you say?"
Teen: "This Kool-aid smells like vomit."
Me: "Then why are you drinking it?"
Teen: "Because it tastes really good!"
Me: "I’m going to make you famous…"
From the mouths of babes
From the neighbor’s yard: "ba baw baw baw ba ba baaawwwk!" pause "ba baw baw baw ba ba baaawwwk!"
Me: "Son, do you know what that noise is?"
Clueless 15 year old: "Uh, some bird?"
Obviously, I don’t get my children out enough.
From the mouths of babes
N.b. I’m on blood pressure medicine now and my cholesterol is high so I’m supposed to be exercising and dieting.
Too many errands during lunch so I splurge and go into McDonald’s as the drive-thru line was far too long.
Me: "Um.. I’ll have a quarter…wait.." I point at the picture of a grilled chicken sandwich. "My doctor would like me to eat that. But I really want a quarter pounder with cheese meal please."
Ladies behind me: Laughter.
Me, turning toward them and seeing that they are nurses from Park West Hospital: "Shhhh. Don’t tell the doc."
Ladies: "That’ll cost you a fry."
Cashier: "I guess we won’t be supersizing that then."
Thank you world for looking out for me!
From the mouths of babes
Me: "It’s like VHS and Beta."
Noah, 15 years old: "I don’t think I know what VHS is."
Me: old as dirt.
From the mouths of babes
Cathy: "Get off the Internet! Clearly!"
From the mouths of babes
Me: "It’s time to wake up."
Evan, 6 years old, stumbles from bed, stomps down the hall: "Argh. Why does this happen every night‽"
