Funny things kids (and sometimes adults) say. Somethings these make you say “Hmmm.”
Evan has been reluctant to give up his pacifier, bop, at night. Last night he slept without it! Today he is a little crabby and just walked through the house with it so I bargained it away from him.
Dad: "Evan. I want you to say oral fixation.
Evan, 4.5 years old: "Oral fixation."
Dad: "Good. Now I want you to go tell Mom, ‘I have an oral fixation.’"
Evan, yelling through the house: "Mom! Dad has an oral fixation!"
We had the pleasure of actually getting out of the house recently and participating in, gasp, an adult party! No this wasn’t an Eyes Wide Shut thing. It just wasn’t at Chuckie Cheese and no one had to be reminded to go to the bathroom. This was the party with some very fascinating people. At one point, one of the guests had a moment of recognition and recalled working with Cathy.
What he said: "The last time I saw you, you were breastfeeding your youngest daughter." (read more)
What I heard: "I’ve seen your wife’s boobs! NiiiiIIICce!"
Dad: "Have a good day!"
Noah, walking to the door: "Will do."
Dad, noting that Noah is wearing a thin long sleeve shirt and no jacket: "Stay warm."
Noah: "I hope so."
Dad: "You do understand that staying warm has less to do with hope and more to do with attiring yourself appropriately in layers, right?"
Noah, continuing to walk to the bus stop: "Yup."
This feels familiar almost like an 8th grade winter ritual.
If you’re gonna to be dumb, you gotta be tough. [Source]
Evan, 4.5 years old seeing the food I just prepared: "Eggs!"
Me: "Do you want toast with your eggs?"
Evan: "Yeah!! What’s toast?"
Evan, 4 years old: "Dad listen. I sing Nam myo go."
Evan: "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" (well..pretty close at least!)
He did this unprompted and out of the blue. I was quiet surprised. He also brought it up on Halloween: "I’m daddy. Nam-myoho-renge-kyo"
Tommy, 19: "I can’t find the snake."
Me: "What happened?"
Tommy: "He was on my lap. I fell asleep."
The snake is fine. It just had a good explore.
Evan, 4 years old: "I heard my stomach growl. That means I need some candy."
I dropped the milk. The cap popped off and poured all over the floor.
Me: "DAMMIT!"
Evan, 4 years old: "Dad said dammit."
Mom: * gives Dad eyeballs *
Amy, 7 years old: "Moooom! Evan said dammit!"
Evan: "No, Dad said dammit."
Amy: "Don’t say dammit."
Noah, 13 years old: "Evan, don’t say that. It’s a dirty word."
Evan: "No! Dammit. Dammitdammitdammitdamitdamitdamitdamtdatmdaaaaammmmmmmit!"
Mom: covering her face in towels to hide her laughter.
Dad: hiding in the fridge unable to breath laughing.
Uncle already! I get the message. Mouth meet soap.
Moments after I posted Dad Fail, Evan walked up to me with a question.
Evan, 4 years old: "Dad, why do you always say…" He bent over at the waist at a 45 degree angle with his arms hanging straight down and in a deepened gruff voice, "crap crap crap crap crap crap crap…"
It just went on and on but in the end, it turned out he was repeating a noise from the Nintendo DS Mario game.
Please excuse the screwed up aspect ratio on the video but I did that in haste.
Amy, 7 years old: "I’m not going in my room because Sarah is asleep in there."
Me: "Sarah isn’t in the house."
Amy: "Then what’s that big lump in the bed?"
Me: "Personally, I wouldn’t call my mother a big lump."
Evan, 4 years old, playing Wii, gleefully announces: "I’m Donkey Dong!"
Okay. I’ll concede there may be some speech therapy in his near future.
Evan, 4 years old: "Dad, can you make me some chips?"
Me, noting that it is 5:20pm: "No."
Evan, softening voice, tilting head, and putting on droopy eyes: "Please make me some chips."
Me: "No, I’m working. You have to let me finish my work so that I can make dinner. NO no no."
Evan: "Okay. But please."
Me: "I’ll be right up. Just let me make this one blog post."
Teenager 1, after walking through the mud, cracks joke: "We’re lucky. In Tibet they’d pay thousands of dollars for this treatment."
Me: "You really don’t know what Tibet is, do you?"
Teenager 1: "No. Well, it has something to do with religion."
Teenager 2: "Yes, it’s in Jerusalem."
Me: "Uh, no."
Teenager 1: "I think it borders China."
Teenager 2: "Well it has something to do with the Jews."
Teenager 1: "It’s mostly a tourist attraction right now."
Teenager 2: "Yup. A tourist trap."
Sarah: "It’s homecoming."
Me: "Have fun tonight."
Me: "Not too much fun!"
Evan, 4 years old: "Dad doesn’t like me when I talk with an outside voice."
Me: "That’s not true. I always like you."
Evan: "But you don’t like me when I has an outside voice."
Me: "I always like you. It’s the loud noise I don’t like."
Evan: "No. You don’t like me."
Me: "I love you! I like you. I don’t like your outside voice inside the house."
Evan: "You don’t like me when I use my outside voice."
Me: "I like you! I like you no matter what you do! I will always like you. I don’t like the noise."
Evan: "Oh, you don’t like my outside voice."
This conversation felt endless. I remember holding Evan and trying to rock him to sleep. I looked into his eyes and told him, "I cannot wait to have conversations with you!" I love talking with Evan. Still, some of our conversations leave me shaking my head and left in disbelief at the words spilling from my mouth.