Daily Life – Page 61

I snarf down the last of my $6 fast food taco combo meal and feel it hit my stomach with such weight that feels like all the food I’ve avoided since December was simultaneously shoved down my gullet. This three o’clock in the afternoon lunch was a mistake but I had to eat. I read another paragraph in The Disappearing Spoon: And Other True Tales of Madness, Love, and the History of the World from the Periodic Table of the Elements and glance over at my plastic utensils. The two enchiladas, taco, and a tostada have dribbled an array of lettuce, guacamole and other scrumptiousness in the styrofoam container which servers as my china. This is cubical life in all its glory. The spoon seems like the correct implement to finish off the delightfulness. Can’t let any of that six dollars go to waste. I pick up the fork and knife to stow away for later. They plastic utensils have intrinsic value in the office place. I take pause. Looking away from the Kindle I hold the fork and knife in one hand, and the spoon in the other. A long silent stare is interrupted by the voice in my head, "but which one is more valuable?!" The spoon of course! It and the knife join the pile of plastic office currency hidden away in a draw behind a file folder labeled "do not eat."

Posted on May 6, 2014 by Doug McCaughan — Leave a comment

A moment of bliss

For on this day, without the aid of Xanax or other mood altering substances, I experienced serenity. For the briefest of moments, all was well within my universe. Calm obtained. I held it. I tasted it. I bathed in it while trying to ignore the low rumble of the calamity which is certain to follow.

Posted on May 6, 2014 by Doug McCaughan — Leave a comment

On Parenting

"You could have handled that better," my inner voice remarked snidely. I already knew that. Before the voice got close to berating me, I’d already given myself a mental beat down, replayed the interaction with the child in my head and imagined three better ways to handle the situation without resulting in years of therapy in the child’s adult years.

I will not make excuses. I am by no means the television dad that holiday portrays in the 30 minute sitcoms. Always wise. Always sensitive. Always knowing the best way to fix a problem. I also don’t have a room for of writer’s and editors.

I will not make excuses. Life is hard. Full of stress. I set high expectations for myself and the child. We are both learning as we go. By the time the child reaches adulthood, hopefully we will have both figured this out.

I want better for my children. They deserve better than me.