Evan, 3.5 years old, standing in footie jammies but with only the arms in, every piece of skin except arms and backside are exposed, he looks down at himself: "Look, I gots stamps on me."
Dad, observes a green Santa clause the size of a dime stamped on knees, thighs, ankles, stomach and chest: "Stamps go on paper."
Evan, holding arms akimbo but with index finger pointing rather than hands on hips: "No. Stamps go on me. Like this!"
Category: From the mouths of babes
Funny things kids (and sometimes adults) say. Somethings these make you say “Hmmm.”
Bulging eyes, puffed cheeks, head thrown back…3..2.1
A sight no parent wants to see is your child poised to regurgitate the evening meal. The only thing worse is realizing that this is round two and round one is on the bed, the child, the floor, and the fringe blanket. Vomit has magical powers of stupidity. For one, the smell makes you instantly want to join in the fun. "Oh look! Your spaghetti looks like stringy glue! Let’s see if mine’s the same…blarp" Secondly, as your child’s gag reflex audibly kicks in, you run to comfort her without a trashcan, a towel or any thought of what to do with the vile muck that is working its way up the child’s throat, so placing one hand on the child’s back, you stupidly cup your other hand just under her mouth as if you could miraculously keep round two from somehow not adding to round one. Blarp! Then you lie, "It’s going be okay."
That was last night. Let’s hope this is an isolated event and doesn’t rip through the family.
From the mouths of babes
Dad: "Noah, do you know that the school board passed a new rule allowing random searches at the school?"
Noah, 12 years old: "No."
Dad: "It means that teachers can just pull you aside and have you show them everything in your bag and pockets. How do you feel about that?"
Noah: "I’m not doing anything wrong so I guess I’m okay with it."
My heart sank. He gave the scripted answer! The system has him. I think Noah is old enough to read 1984, Brave New World, and Fahrenheit 451. Time to knock the dust of my copies.
From the mouths of babes
Evan and Amy were told to clean.
Evan. 3.5 years old, stomps up to Mom in a huff: "Amy not letting me have fun! Hrrumph." Stomps away.
From the mouths of babes
Evan, shouting: "Max Ruby on!"
Evan: "Dad, come watch it!"
From the mouths of babes
Our yard is practically devoid of grass. Basically we have leaves and mud so today I spread a bale of hay to cover the mud.
Amy, 6 years old arriving home from school: "I was playing in the hay!"
Dad: "Explain ‘playing in the hay.’"
Amy, doing jumping jacks: "I made a hay angel!"
Dad, with great hesitation: "Turn around…"
Update: Evan, 3 years old, came home later, plopped down in the hay, and, of his own accord, started throwing it all over himself.
From the mouths of babes
Much to our chagrin, Evan has been reluctant to quit using diapers.
Dad: "Evan, take your clothes off for your bath."
Evan, pulling pants down to ankles: "There poo in there! Hehehehee hee hee hehe"
Definitely all boy. Poo is funny!
Bad Foreplay
Today’s advice: Don’t ever drop your jaw to the floor, bug your eyes out, and say out loud to your wife, "You’re f*&%ing crazy!" You can think it but the words that come from your lips should be, "Yes dear." (Using a British accent doesn’t make it any better unless you are John Cleese…)
From the mouths of babes
Just rip my heart out with a spoon!
Evan, 3 years old: "Go playground Dad."
Dad: "We can’t do that right now."
Evan, weeping: "Go playground Dad. Pleeease. Go playground. Go playground now. Goooo playground puleease."
Dad: "I’m sorry. I have to work."
Evan, hurt and mad: "I not play [with you] anymore!" and stomps away from Dad.
From the mouths of babes
Tommy, back from college for 9 days: "Dad, is it normal to have all the skin on top of your foot just die?"
From the mouths of babes
Tommy has returned from college for a 9 day Thanksgiving break. Noah is home from school. Evan is up from his nap. Cathy has taken Sarah and a friend to the movies.
Evan, raising one finger then another like a peace sign: "I have Noah at home. I have Tom at home."
Love and importance!
From the mouths of babes
Noah, 12.5 years old: "Who is Tom Sawyer?"
Dad: "You’ve never read Tom Sawyer?!"
Noah: "I’ve heard of him. He was on Fairly Odd Parents once."
From the mouths of babes
My son has experienced his first ever Emergency Alert System message on the television..and it wasn’t a test!
Evan, 3 years and 5 months old: "Daddy! Come look at tv."
Dad, hears that an Emergency Alert System message is on: "It’s okay. It’ll go away in a moment."
Evan, turns television off then back on and message is gone: "I fix it!"
From the mouths of babes
Dad: "Sarah and her boyfriend are going to hang out at the park today."
Mom: "It’s too cold for anything. They’ll be fine."
Dad: "You’re funny."
Mom: "No. You’re funny!"
From the mouths of babes
I’ve been ratted out regarding this tweet.
