Reality Me

Productive morning of coding. Getting hungry.

Weather outside is great; however, I suspect a storm is brewing.

I have taken the 7 yr old and 10 yr old to school. Tommy jumped from his chair as I came down the street thinking I was the bus. Searched him and removed contraband (D&D dice and books); I’m certain there was more. He is just in one of those kinds of moods.

Was pleasantly surprised to find wife and baby awake although I’m certain it was Tommy and I raising voices to each other that got her up in the first place. I am trying harder and harder not to get into shouting contests with him and I am doing much better.

Now I will do some rapid programming followed by phone calls and hopefully a couple of resume submissions and then some financial stuff. I feel better physically although I’m still achy; my stomach feels weak from nerves; my mind is in control but feels like it could race at a moments notice.

A New Day!

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This Morning

Awoke to the 13 yr old’s tapping on the wall at 4:40 and although energized, I could not motivate myself to go work on the computer.

Woke again at 6:10 to get the 7 yr old and 10 yr old ready for school.

My lips are dry and cracking despite pumping water, gatoraid, and v-8 into my system. Chapstick seems to be helping. My throat remains a firey torture. Yesterday I thought the throat was on the mend.

Last Night

Settled in early with a fire roaring.

I took Amy and Tommy to a park that was primarily slides. Tommy mostly watched Amy play and Amy did things like climbing open rung ladders that impressed me to all ends. She had such a good time that she threw a royal tantrum when it was time to go. She arched her back to stay out of the car seat, rolled out of it and sat in the regular seat determined not to get into the car seat. I’ve never seen her act this way over not wanting to leave.

My wife remains cold and distant to me. Reading our son’s blog makes me think perhaps she just needs to be left alone today.

A New Day!

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This Morning

I am finally starting to feel like I’m mending. It still hurts to swallow but I don’t twitch as badly when I do. Tommy has cooked blueberry muffins and I can actually smell them (and they smell great). I’m toying with the idea of eating one.

Goals today: clean for the next 2 hours, pinewood derby, program, clean between all changes of activities

Took Sarah to a party at a karoke bar 30 minutes away from here. Didn’t make sense to drive home then go back for her so I pretended to be invisible and enjoyed a Coke float.

Returned home and collapsed for the afternoon. Didn’t mean to but then if I didn’t, the wife would be disappointed.

Save “The Passion” tonight. I’m going to have to think this over before giving a review. I’m not certain that I can say more than one or two sentences about it.

A New Day!

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This Morning

5:20- Noah up and playing gameboy

6-8: went upstairs several times to ask boys to quit yelling.

Throat is on fire. Hurts to swallow. Fever gone (I think).

Baby just woke.

Yesterday

Spent the day sick with a 102.1 fever. My whole body ached. Stayed off the computer. It’s difficult being sick in this house; I feel guilty for not continuing on as normal.

Lounged on the couch and stared at the television: Pyramid, History Channel, Aliens, and Bourne Identitiy (obviously not to completion). My symptoms are worse; my attitude improved.

The weather is improving dramatically also.

My wife awoke early so I came downstairs 9ish. My body was aching (physically shaking) and my mind racing so I gave into a “nap.”

* 9am sleep

* 9:20am phone rings, wife is looking for me; I’m up but return to bed

* 10 am awoke paniced

* 11 am awoke terrified

Here’s the internal details. Sleep was incredibly deep with unbelievably vivid dreams (and no, I took none of Cathy’s Tylenol). Most of the dreams centered on tasks that need to be done and how to accomplish them; some of the dreams revolved around getting my lazy tail out of bed; and some of the dreams were so dark that they won’t be mentioned here beyond this sentence-you know, dark in the way that make psychologists put little flags in their notes.

Now I’m up but so cold that I’m wearing leather duster to work. Typing has helped center me and bring some necessary calm.

Amy sits on her Radio Flyer car and leans to the right and says “whoa! Whoa! WhoA!” then sits upright and rolls around.

The wife stirs. I feel tired but I must work.