Amy went to the hardware store as my assistant.
Me: "Let’s get back home and do some plumbing!"
Amy, 7 year old wise beyond her years: "It’d be easier to hire a plumber."
Category: Amy
The soil 3 feet from my stoop
An hour ago, stepping out my front door included having your ankles swarmed by 100 mosquitoes, a dead bird, and enough landmines to give a Vietnam vet flashbacks. I relented. Determined to rid myself of the mosquitoes I pondered ripping out the entire front porch. Instead I looked under it. A dog toy in the shape of a tire..holding water. 5 planters holding dirt and water..no plants. Some plastic cups..lazy children. Toys and trash.
One can of back yard fogger later, the mosquitoes have cleared out enough for me to work. Under the porch is now clear. And the bird is buried with enough dog and cat manure that I’m sure we’ll grow a new one quickly. I’m know it will grow. The ground seems fertile. My 7 year old girl found the remains of a potato filled with airsoft pellets hanging from the branch of a tree. It had a couple of sprouts so she took the target and buried it 3 feet from the stoop. We now have a healthy looking potato garden standing about a foot high. Imagine the convenience! Two steps to dinner!
frustrationfrustraTIONfruSTRAIONFRUSRATION!
I’ve spent the day trying to accomplish something that should have taken 40 minutes and is preventing me from doing the things I really want to be doing today. Something that I’m not even getting paid for. I feel that I’ve been constantly interrupted. At one point I declared, "I’m taking the next 40 minutes and finishing this" during which time I was interrupted 3 times. So finally a crisis hit. Minor. The 7 year old, the 4 year old, and the dog went missing in the creek. Normally this would not be a big deal but we’ve had substantial rain these past couple of days. Also, I believe there is a sinkhole in the creek that the children do not know about. It’s mostly covered with debris right now. It’s not really on my property and I’ve been wanting to clear the debris away to see if it is the entrance to the rumored cave that is supposedly nearby. Right now, I simply know that water flows into the ground through the debris at that point and I don’t want the children near it. So I channeled Coach Boomer (which I only now realized is one of my heroes, Bruce Campbell!) for some echo location and proceeded to be anything except that great TV dad that I so aspire to be. Several tears later, everyone is safe but mad at me. And I feel like crud.
You can’t watch them all the time
I caught the seven year old giving the four year old a wedgie. This is one of those moments I feel for single parents because I could not respond rationally and had to tag myself out calling in the second parent. With Cathy’s help we try to convey that this breaks the "no touching between belly button and knees" rule. The question of concern is not why would you do this? but who did this to you? because obviously she learned it from someone. In my head I jump to the worst case scenarios and am horrified. I run down her list of friends and think of the opportunities where inappropriate play could be happening. We probe without making accusations. Amy relents and claims she didn’t learn it from anyone. Then why would she do it? This morning while watching the cartoon network with Amy and Evan, I have an epiphany; She learned it from television.
Away with no cellphone signal
The 13 year old boy left this morning for a week of adventure including fishing, orienteering, rock climbing, wilderness survival, and canoeing at Boy Scout Camp Daniel Boone. The 7 year old girl left a few minutes ago for 3 days of adventure at Girl Scout Camp Tanasi. They are both thrilled. I wish I could be with them to see their happiness, watch them work through their fears and learning, hear their giggles, and to get some camping in myself. I know they will both have a fantastic time!
Sarah comforting Amy during Amy’s first trip to Tanasi
Child Protective Services – Don’t read this
Here’s some additional information about the rolla bolla from my comment on Cathy’s flickr set:
I now get to tell a story which may or may not add a little bit of a technical appreciation for what’s happening in this picture. My rolla bolla freaks other jugglers out. Mine is completely homemade. It uses a 4 inch diameter thick pvc pipe. The board itself happens to be exactly the same length as a shelf in a homemade bookcase I built for my dorm room in college because it is one the shelves which happen to be precisely 19 inches in length. Most jugglers are more accustomed to using rolla bollas closer to 3 feet long. For instance, Dube’s is 29 inches (btw, there’s your spec).
Juggling is all about physics. This is center of gravity trick. The longer the board, the greater the center of gravity. In essence, if you drew a line from the ground up to the top of your head (or the head fo the person on your shoulders) that divided your torso symmetrically and simply made sure that line never passed over your foot, you would never fall down. Since my board is so short, there is very little room for error. One way to cheat the physics is to use a larger diameter piece of pvc but frankly the 5 inch pvc tends to flatten a little taking away from the visual effect (in addition to simply being disproportionate to the other equipment and plain ugly).
Regarding the pvc when making a homemade rolla bolla. I learned the hardway that the pvc pipe should be the same width as the board (or slightly larger). If it is smaller you create a third degree of freedom and you might as well be doing this trick on top of a ball.
Don’t use those stupid stoppers on the bottom of your board! If you look at the Dube rolla bolla you will see that the underside of the board has stops at each end. This prevents the board from flying at high velocity to your left or right severely hurting people. Instead the board stops and you go flying at high velocity to the left or right breaking yourself and the people standing beside you. When we were first learning this trick. My brother fell off the board and sent it flying into a filing cabinet. 3 days later we were still trying to open the drawer. Without the stoppers you can safely take the board to the very edge without falling. I mean the very edge being exactly at the halfway point on the pvc pipe. Instead of the stoppers, control your board.
You can break things with a rolla bolla! These things may include: glass, bones, teeth, spines, and metal cabinets. When learning to stand on a rolla bolla do these things:
- Get a partner! Have the partner stand behind you with their arms underneath your armpits but not touching you. When you fall, they will spot you and keep you from breaking yourself
- Make sure your feet are at the edges of the board.
- Wear shoes!
- Practice daily in short spurts
- Start with the board touching the ground on one side and about one third of the board on the pipe. Starting by jumping up to a horizontally balanced board is cool and fun but an advanced trick that will land a beginner on their hind side.
The rolla bolla will increase your balance, develop your abs and back, and tighten your buttocks.
Warnings!
- Don’t let people stand to your left or right. I cannot emphasize this enough.
- If you fall…er…when you fall, think of yourself as being on a skate board or inline skate. Protect your wrists! Better to belly flop on concrete than to impact your wrist, elbows and knees
I will happily get together with anyone that wants help learning the rolla bolla.
Air holes should be smaller
I woke up this morning to find 20 lightning bugs outside of their container.
Happy Birthday Amy!
Amy has been 7 years of joy (and some frustrations) for me! She is full of life, confident, hardheaded, funny, adventurous, emotional, intelligent and so much more. I am lucky to have such a child for a daughter. Happy birthday Amy!
From the mouths of babes
I most often listen to Pandora but chose Slacker Radio today.
Slacker: *playing Low Rider*
Amy, almost 7, skipping down the stairs, exclaims: "George Lopez!!"
*Wow! George Lopez has a nice MySpace page! I didn’t think "nice" and "MySpace" could be combined in a single sentence.
From the mouths of babes
Splashes!
Noah, assisting Amy and Evan in evening baths and getting frustrated: "Evan! Stand up!"
Me: "Sarah, please give your brother some backup."
…because life with 5 children is like a police drama.
Short timer’s syndrome
Mobile post sent by djuggler using Utterli. Replies. mp3
Parent mistake #78314
Inheritance
There are a few things I inherited from my father. He is still alive. I am talking about genetically and behaviorally. For instance, I have his hair. Fortunately for me he still has his so odds are baldness is not in my future. Not that I’m saying anything about hairlessness. Bald is cool. Shoot for the past week I’ve been thinking about shaving my head. It’s the economy stupid. I also got his intelligence even if my wife cannot see it. The words "god damn" came from him. Despite my efforts to remove that from my vocabulary, I seem intent on passing that legacy to my children. It’s reflexive particularly when the stress is up. Ever since I started taking blood pressure medicine, I have become acutely aware of when the stress is up. Don’t get me wrong. Before the blood pressure medicine I was well aware of my mental state and knew when the stress was up. But now I feel it differently. Yesterday I could feel the blood coursing through my veins. Prior to the blood pressure medicine I was less aware of the tension in my arms and chest but it was there and constant. I should fart more. Or get the wife to calm me down more frequently.
Yesterday, knowing my blood pressure and stress were up, I struggled to keep myself in check. This morning, I overslept and was simply not awake enough to be responsive instead of reactionary.
I’m bigger and louder than you so I’m right
Amy will be seven in just over a month. Her sister, who turns 16 in June, has taught Amy teenager behaviors that she shouldn’t know. Then there is the inheritance thing. After all, she is my child. And she has my temper. And stubbornness. And those pretty blue eyes. This morning I had but one focus: get Amy ready for school and out the door on time. Considering I overslept, we were pressed for time. I was so focused on doing my job of being a father I forgot to actually be a father. After I dropped a teary eyed child off at school, I finally realized that this morning Amy needed to be in control. In control of what? Anything. It wouldn’t have mattered but instead of being that television dad who instantly has the wisdom and humility to help his child, I became the unruly dictator and drill sergeant who bullies his children as objects instead of sensitive beings. I yelled, I cursed, I threatened to throw toys away, and I produced tears on demand from what minutes earlier had been two happy, joyful children. Yes it was abusive. And wrong. And unnecessary. And I feel horrible. She had a need and did not know how to express it. She needed to be in control. She took this control by taking her brother’s toy. All I had to do we redirect her and give her the chance to make some choices and decisions and, in effect, be in control. Instead I taught her that you can be in control by raging, raising your voice, cursing, and threatening. I get no dad points today. Raising children is tough but you shouldn’t raise the dead and wake the house in the process. Last week I secretly vowed to myself to never raise my voice in anger to the children again. No. It wasn’t just the children. I vowed to never raise my voice in anger to anyone ever again. I failed. Can I have a Mulligan? Amy, I’m sorry.
From the mouths of babes
Amy: "Tinker Bell is named Tinker Bell because she’s a Tinker Fairy. Leprechauns are fairies…in Ireland. They make shoes for other fairies."
From the mouths of babes
Amy, 6.5 years old: "Dad, what’s a death threat?"
Dad: "What did you just say?!"
Amy: "What’s a death threat? On the show iCarly, they talked about death threats."
Dad: "A death threat means I’m going to have to have a talk with Nickelodeon."
From the mouths of babes
Every morning I do 3 sets of 25 push ups and 3 sets of 25 sit ups. I rotate so I’ll do 25 push ups, turn over, do 25 sit ups, turn over, do 25 push ups, turn over, and so forth.
Amy: "Daddy. Every time you turn over I heard this noise like a wooden spoon hitting the floor." (that would be my back popping)
