Amy, 10 years old: "I can’t find the plastic push rod that shoves the tray through the Shinky Dink machine."
Dad: "So you’ve got an oven plugged into the wall? Here, stick this metal yardstick into it."
Category: Of Being Dad
Fatherly posts.
From the mouths of babes
Me, writhing in pain trying to remove my pants and begging my wife to help.
Wife: "Well aren’t you the special butterfly!"
From the mouths of babes
Somehow I hurt my knee badly. I suspect it has something to do with playing hacky sack with Amy (10) and Evan (7) at the bus stop every morning. How badly? Last night I iced it with a 50/50 slurry of water and 90% isopropyl alochol, and washed a hydrocodone down with a glass of wine (or two). How badly? This morning my wife had to help me put my pants and shoes on.
Me, hobbling to the bus stop with one of my Mountainsmith Carbonlite Pro Trekking Poles
Evan, 7 years old, cheerfully: "You look like Granddaddy!"
Nothing heals you faster! (And guess which child is getting coal for Christmas)
Dad of the year
Two of my children have entered The Age of Bickering. Every parent knows it. No matter how inconsequential, these two find something to fight over. The seven year old knows how to push the buttons of the ten year old and enjoys doing so. The ten year old wants to control everything and sets up scenarios she know will get the seven year old going. My morning routine consists of constantly reminding them, "please don’t fight" "please get along." I have a quota and apparently I can repeat myself only so many times before the Hulk takes over. Then everyone cries and I feel like a cad for the rest of the day. It’s quite amazing how quickly a calm, happy morning can turn to disaster and tension. I have committed myself to becoming Zen Dad but I’m a far way from snatching any stones from palms.
From the mouths of babes
Evan, seven years old: "Daddy, wanna know something? When you get too old, you get a goatee."
From the mouths of babes
Cathy: "Doug, practice your breathing please."
Best wife e’vr! Without Cathy, I’d be on the floor all blue in the face.
And we camped!
Evan and I just returned from our first camping trip to the Cosby Campground in the GSMNP. Greenbrier used to be my hideaway in the Smokies and is still one of my favorite spots. Cosby is on the Greenbrier side of the mountains and was a wonderful experience! Our scouts, their parents, their support, our pack, its support, the attitudes, the adventures and the weather were all great…better…they were perfect! This is one of those father/son bonding experiences that had so many precious moments that this trip will always hold a special place in my heart.
Time
The trouble is that by the time you are done with your 2nd and 3rd job, you are too tired to do all those things you want to do with the family.
From the mouths of babes
Me: "Who picked their nose and put boogers on the wall?"
Blushing child: "I sneezed."
My life as Red: That 70s Show
It’s no secret that I want to be that tv dad…you know, Bill Cosby or Tim Allen or the like. I successfully channeled Alan Shure for a while. I think I’m maturing to be more like the dad in Modern Family. Truth be told, I’m much more like Red from That 70s Show. When you have teenagers and pets the words "hey dumbass" roll off the tongue so naturally.
So, I suppose I’ve achieved tv dad status after all…just not the one I had hoped to be.
Teach them automotive maintenance young
My 16 year old son is driving now. Some good friends cut him a deal. They gave him a 1991 Ford Tempo GL and, in exchange, he drives their son to school. The only problem is the Ford Tempo isn’t running right now. The radiator is too gunked up. When I was 16, you could have given me the biggest lemon in the world and I would have spent every waking moment cleaning it, tuning it, staring at it, and driving it to Timbuktu. My 16 year old son doesn’t seem interested in the car in the least. Before we knew this car was coming into the family, I offered to lethelp him repair the Jeep but he wasn’t interested. This is not limited to my son. The 16 year old populace, at least those we know, seem genuinely disinterested in driving. I think we need to rename them Generation Xbox.
So, I set out to replace the radiator myself. And, surprisingly, ended up with a great helper. My seven year old stepped up, and single-handedly removed the air filter and all the connecting pieces.
And that lollipop is not cigarette inspired. Just a coincidence, but funny!
Doug’s Mantras
Be a knowledge seeker. -DM
Vacation Done
I have just completed a wonderful vacation, yet I find myself so stressed that I cannot think straight and an unclear mind does not lend well to eliminating the causes of the stress. Stress in this regard is a self-perpetuating disorder. Once upon a time, a hunter in the field was met unexpected by a herd of lion too numerous for the hunter to engage. Fight or flight stimulus, aka stress, kicked in and the hunter fled to safety where his adrenaline returned to normal levels and the hunter calmed. In today’s society, our stress response rarely eases and our body and mind suffer. I have been under constant stress for twenty years. I am ready to escape to safety. I want to know calm.
Spider-Evan
Yesterday we took Evan rock climbing at The Climbing Center in Knoxville. He is a natural! Once attached to the rope, he shot up the 40 foot walls without fear. Understanding that his next handhold could be discovered by straightening a bent leg seemed intuitive to him. Noah made it up the wall twice before feigning to hunger. Cathy only had her hand sucked into the ATC (brake) once. My supple skin only lost a few layers of epidermis due to belaying. We had a blast!
Stranded
Before I was of age to drive, I worked at a bus company "cleaning" the buses. I really learned to drive the buses (everything from 21 seater buses to full size city buses) including sliding them around in the snow for fun. I also drove the cars of the employees of the bus company and the surrounding businesses as they would pay us to wash their vehicles.
In high school, I learned to drive in a station wagon then had the pleasure of rebuilding a Triumph Spitfire.
In college I walked and used the bus for 3 years then bought a Dodge D50 pickup which was estimated to have a year’s life left in it. I made it last 5 years.
My first brand new vehicle was a 1995 (purchase date Nov 1994) Jeep Wrangler. It ran until a few weeks ago when the head gasket developed a horrid leak and it now sits in the driveway awaiting evaluation and repair. The engine may be beyond repair.
My wife’s first brand new vehicle was a 1995 Dodge Neon. It ran until a couple of weeks ago when it finally just died on the Interstate and was towed to the house. It is either a) a timing belt problem which is internal to the engine and makes the car scrap metal, b) a head gasket repair similar to the Jeep, or c) (hopefully!) a bad water pump.
We’ve been through other cars including an Aerostar, a red Ford thing that I cannot recall the name of, a motorcycle, and of course our current primary mode of transportation, a Dodge Grand Caravan.
Today, the Caravan decided it no longer wanted to shift gears. The diagnosis? A transmission rebuild and the family eats ramen noodles for the rest of the month.
A family of 7, with 6 people still at the house, 5 of driving age, 3 with licenses and a 4th taking his driving test today, goes from 3 cars to zero in a matter of weeks. Knoxville really needs better public transportation! And I need a full-time mechanic at the house!
