Reality Me

Do we have to have tears every fucking morning?!

Rabbit holes!

A rabbit hole is a reference to chasing a problem, rather the solution to a problem, or allowing a feature to creep, that simply consumes an enormous amount of time for either little or no gain. I’ve just spent an hour in a rabbit hole and am not backing out every change I made in that hour. I’d like a refund please.

Everyone has a verbal motivator. Some sort of spoken tick to get you to do something. For instance, I need to be programming but I’m hungry. Cereal has become disgusting to me but I can eat Frosted Flakes if only we had some. Frozen waffles are pretty quick and easy but they are downstairs in the deep freezer and I don’t feel like walking. Besides, if they aren’t homemade, surely they are full of crap I shouldn’t be eating…but it’s okay for my kids. My doctor says I should avoid meat and eggs but that’s about all that is left in the kitchen right now. So my choice, eat coffee or….here’s the motivator…"eeeh, fuck"…cook bacon and eggs.

So yes, increasingly, my verbal motivator to myself is "eeeh, fuck."

There is a rare snow in Knoxville. I’m working from home. I type on my keys and see others posting pictures of the snow men they are building with their children and the sledding for their kids. I type faster instead of going outside with my children. While I feel lame, I look to my left to a stack of bills and know that the choices I make are to avoid being even lamer.

Woke to no Internet or television. Troubleshoot. Programmed until my eyes bleed and my head exploded. Troubleshoot. Programmed more.

Difficult weekend ahead.

I was born into a city of 30,000 people. So, Knoxville’s population of 182,200 (or 441,311 if you include Knox County) should seem large. However, you cannot point your finger around here without pointing at someone that is more connected to you than Kevin Bacon.

Today I went somewhere where I should have seen no one that I know, and in three separate parts of the building, I was recognized by 3 people I knew.

Truthfully, most days I wake in a panic attack. It’s a terribly way to start your day.

Authority: "Jump in the water!"
Me: "Okay. I’m in the water."
Authority: "To live, you must swim to that island."
Me: "I think I have just enough strength to make it there."
Authority: "They won’t let you on the island without a boat. Here’s some wood and nails to build a boat."
Me: "Thanks! I have the skills but I need some tools."
Authority: "That guy over there in his boat has a hammer and saw. But he’ll want you to build a raft for him in exchanging for loaning him tools."
Authority: "Your nails are sinking."
Authority: "The tide starts going out in an hour…and there is a storm approaching from the south. Have a nice swim!"