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"Murphy was an optimist!"

From the mouths of babes December 10, 2016 6:52 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad, Pets
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Me: "Goddammit, quit stepping on the cats!"
(Probably not the most constructive statement in the moment)

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From the mouths of babes November 21, 2016 12:17 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Evan, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad
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Is your pet a healthy weight?

Context: Evan, our 11 year old, helped me drop one of the cats off at the veterinarian for a comprehensive exam last Wednesday. Behind the scale is this sign. Recently, both our 12 year old and 9 year old German Shepherds died.

Evan, 11 years old, studies the sign: "Dad, I think our next dog should be a three, four, or five."
Me: "Evan, that’s not a menu."

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From the mouths of babes November 5, 2016 9:49 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Evan, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad
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Me: "Alexa, play the Ramones."
Alexa: *jams*
Groggy 11 year old Evan walks into the room: "Dad, could you turn down the music?"
Me: "What are you guys doing?"
Evan: "Sleeping…"

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From the mouths of babes August 27, 2016 10:50 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Cathy, Daily Life, Family, From the mouths of babes
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Cathy: "You’ve managed to redneck your whiskey!"

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From the mouths of babes August 14, 2016 10:30 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad, Tommy
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My eldest son: "Dad, the mower won’t start."

Me: "I’ll take a look at it."

Cranks on first pull. I report back to my son, "Started on the first try."

My son with holier-than-thou indignity with a touch of anger and a dash of annoyance, "Well I’d sure like to know what you are doing different than me because I pulled that string for 10 minutes and it didn’t start."

Me: "I put gas in it."

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From the mouths of babes June 12, 2016 9:21 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad, Tommy
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Tommy: "You were typing on my keyboard the other night weren’t you?"

Me: “Yes, I just wanted to try it out. I’m thinking about buying one.”

Tommy: “The guys in my forum got a good laugh out of that.”

Me: “Oh, your monitors were off but your computer was still on wasn’t it?”

Tommy: “Yup. You typed your initials and part of your name. Then ‘This would be a good keyboard for programming.’ and some random characters. I told them ‘Oh, that was just my dad playing on the keyboard.’ They got a good laugh out of it.”

  1. I’ve become THAT dad.
  2. it is time to change that password.
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From the mouths of babes May 7, 2016 5:11 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Amy, Cathy, Daily Life, Family, From the mouths of babes
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Her: What do you want for dinner?
Him: *something* *something* *9 1/2 weeks* *inappropriate* *something*
Her: Help me!
Him: What?
Her, holding up iPhone: Somehow, I don’t know how, it recorded that.
Him, grabbing iPhone sees an audio message sent to…Granny.
Him bolts out front door to see Granny fidgeting with her phone.
Him opens door to car and grabs phone.
Granny: I’ve never received an audio message before.
Him: I think it recorded silence.
13 year old, giggling: I think Dad recorded something by accident.
Him: It was your mother and it had secrets. *delete*
Her: I deleted it but it just took a while.
Him: That deletes it off your phone, not hers!
Him: Awkward.

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From the mouths of babes April 23, 2016 7:20 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Evan, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad
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Me: "Do you want steak for dinner?"
Boy child: "Do we have barbecue sauce?"
Me: "Ok, sirloin for you."

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From the mouths of babes March 31, 2016 9:10 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Amy, Daily Life, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad
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Me: "I love you Amy. You are awesome!"
Amy: "Thanks. It runs in the family."

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From the mouths of babes March 23, 2016 9:56 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Evan, Family, From the mouths of babes
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Evan, 10 years old: "Dad, I need you to do me a favor?"
Me: "Okay."
Evan: "My friends want you to draw one of those pictures on my lunch bag for the field trip tomorrow."

5th grade field trip lunch sack

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From the mouths of babes March 11, 2016 7:33 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Cathy, Daily Life, Evan, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad
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Me to wife: "You’ve made me old with snapchat."
Disembodied 10 year old voice from the back of the house: "Yeah, you are old" "hahaha!" "Get wrecked." "W-r-e-k-e-d"

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From the mouths of babes February 13, 2016 9:50 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Evan, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad
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We asked the 10.5 year old to watch something other than Futurama or Simpsons. He begins his breakdown as I try to find Animaniacs or Pinky and the Brain.

Me: "Do you want to play some cards with me?"
Evan: "No"
Me: "Do you want to play a board game with me?"
Evan: "No"
Me: "Do you want to be in the same room with me?"
Evan: "I’m going to go take a bath."

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From the mouths of babes January 17, 2015 9:18 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Cathy, Daily Life, Family, From the mouths of babes
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Cathy: "You are returning that funeral home questionnaire!?"

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Protected: Early Mornings December 11, 2014 5:47 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Family, From the mouths of babes, Noah, Of Being Dad
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Guess what I did on the way to work! December 4, 2014 8:58 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad, Travel
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I knew things were about to get messy so I put on some rubber gloves. I worked it by myself but was getting nowhere then a female sales associate joined me. The two of us grunted, writhed, and struggled but could not get it in despite having used excessive lubricant on the rubber. The tip got messy and we had to stop to clean it. Then it occurred to me to put some lubricant on my finger, insert it in the opening, and rub it around the inside edges. After that it slipped in with ease and I explained, "It just wasn’t enough lube. You had to use more lube." I gave it three screws and was finished. Btw, the headlight on the van is working now.

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