Category: Family

Happenings in a 5 child, 2 adult household.

  • The Ghost Bike

    fallenbikeMy sister-in-law’s brother was killed last week while riding his bicycle. I now have the unfortunate knowledge of the existence of “ghost bikes.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_bike)

    This picture shows the shoulder where Mark was killed. This is not a death caused by poorly designed roads like those in Knoxville, TN which do not accommodate bicyclists and automobiles. This was caused by utter negligence by the automobile driver. Note the width of the shoulder. Note the rumble strip intended to alert the driver that the car is leaving the road.

    Drivers, please, pay attention to the road. Give your complete attention to your driving. Watch for the unexpected. Expect a dog, a deer, a child to jump out in front of you. Share the road with the cyclists. Commuting is not a competition. It is a shared experience. Help each other get to their respective destinations unharmed by taking your commute seriously. Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. Put your make-up on at home. Read your newspaper somewhere other than the driver’s seat.

    When I champion the end of private transportation as a mainstream mechanism to move people from one place to another, I do so because senseless deaths like Mark’s will cease. An autonomous, robotic, vehicle would not have done this.

    If you wish to read Mark’s obituary, it can be found online at http://www.ymlfuneralhome.com/obituary/5238for

  • The antialarm

    It is impossible to get out of bed when two cats are sleeping on you.

  • Of Parenting

    While raising boys is easier than girls, once the boys hit their midteens, starting your day without uttering the word "morons" becomes difficult. –Red

  • Of Being Dad

    I grow tired of trying to get the children to "use an inside voice." So, I have decided to simply put on my headphones and play the music loud enough to deafen myself.

  • Family

    "Family" is Latin for "never enough bathrooms."

  • On parenting

    If you are not a parent, you probably have never said, "I’m going to kill a child!" If you are a parent, you say this with regularity.

  • Just say yes

  • The last year of single digits in our house!

    Nine years ago, I held a blank journal in my hands and promised the gooey alien freshly spat from wife’s vagina that I would write a letter to him every day. Today the alien can read but fortunately is far more interested in watching Youtube videos of people playing Minecraft narrated by fowl mouthed f-bomb dropping cynics than seeking out my digital drivel. While the dusty journal remains devoid of entries, fear not son, I have left a virtual trail of embarrassing photographs, stories and videos to provide you and your future therapist countless hours of recurring couch sessions. Happy Birthday! You mean the world to me! (and please quit cursing behind our backs)

    [Dear reader, They grow up fast. Set the excuses aside and spend time with them lest you role play a Harry Chapin ballad. And the ‘cursing behind our backs’ was a joke.]

  • Pets do not make you live longer

    Pets do not make you live longer. They kill your husband off earlier which gives you the illusion of living longer.

  • How not to start the day

    My mornings should not begin with me walking around muttering to myself, "fucking cats."

  • HVAC Maintenance

    When you go to bed with the house at 82°F and awake with the house at 78°F, your air conditioner is trying to remind you that you should not have skipped the annual maintenance.

    We will try to limp by until the weekend by making the house super cold in the morning and avoiding opening doors throughout the day (ha!).

    Temperature conversion courtesy of http://www.onlineconversion.com/.

  • Feeding Frenzy

    I awake at 4am and suddenly all the animals think, "Yea! New feeding time!"

  • Last week of school

    This week represents the last 2 and a half days of school for Knox County students. So naturally they are working hard to prepare the students for their rising grade by showing them 2.5 days of movies, video games, and socializing.

    I would love to see 2.5 days of fine tuning study skills, personal time management, and lateral thinking puzzles.

    That said, drivers be alert. You are about to see children in places at times you don’t expect them.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Last night I asked my son if the dogs had enough food for this morning. This word "yes" I do not think it means what he thinks it means.

  • Of Being Dad

    For the briefest of moments, I believed I was a stay-at-home dad then the dream was shattered.