Do you have a problem with cats accumulating on your hardwood floors? If so, get the new Cat Swiffer!
[A]goraphobia, an illness usually self-diagnosed by the unemployed as an excuse to stay home and masturbate or play Wii.
Marriage – the longest funeral procession you’ll ever live through.
Remember that fad in the 80s inspired by Rich Hall on Not Necessarily the News when everyone was making up words like detrunkus and giving them made up definitions like the act of losing ones shorts when diving into a pool. And we all bought several books of these Sniglets. I thought of one today:
lottoptimism – spending money on the belief that your next lottery ticket will be the winner.
Of course, lottoptimism leads us to:
lottonomics – the result of living with lottoptimism which often results in the loss of property and becoming friends with guys with names like Vinni who say things like "hey boss" a lot.
I’ve been moved by the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty since its inception. The evolution film was powerful. Now Dove is at it again using forensic artists to draw people as they see themselves and then again as others see them.
Dear Lard which art in my belly, Harden be my arteries.
Thy heart attack come,
Thy fat be in views, as it is in muscle.
Give me this day my daily quarter pounder.
And forgive me this meal, as we forgive others.
The Golden Arches of temptation,
Deliver us early: into thine grave,
and the salt, oh the salt, high blood pressure.
"So, how’d you end up in Hell?"