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Musical Boobies!

When my wife walked through the room with music projecting from her chest, I knew she had an iPhone tucked in her bra, but I couldn’t resist declaring, "Musical boobies!" and hugging her with my ear pressed to one.

Of course, she grinned and replied, "I knew you were going to say that." Then, when I attempted to dial in a different station and turn up the volume, she frowned.

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Can’t trust tonight’s blood pressure measurement

I decided to start measuring my blood pressure again. I grab the cuff and there’s no back on it. The 4 AA batteries are no where to be found. Neither is the back (which holds the batteries in). You know, if you are going to steal the batteries..fine but at least but the battery cover back on!

I suspect the conversation was "hey, wanna see Dad’s blood pressure REALLY high?"

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Awkward parent moment

Tonight’s awkward moment of reading aloud to your 8 year old brought to by Neil Gaimen in Stardust. I hesitated as I read with enthusiasm, "and her tongue slid into his mouth" but I bravely pressed on, "his hand felt her small breasts through the silk of her dress" huh? "touched the hard nubs of her nipples" Now wait a minute! Did I just read that out loud to my 8 year old boy in the presence of my eleven year old girl?! I flip the soft porn over and examine the back cover for an age recommendation. There is an S in a triangle which I presume means safe but I read the next paragraph to myself and skipped reading aloud the parts about arching, pushing, exulting, and not pulling out because she held him inside her with her legs wrapped around him.

Skipping to the next safe paragraph, I continue reading to my children.