Tag: Sex

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Durex has brought us the future!

My favorite condom company, Durex, is bringing us the future! There’s not a geek that since the time of 300 baud dial up and ascii port who has not imagined the possibly of combining a serial port and sex toys for long distance love. Durex has created Fundawear, a combination of vibrating underwear and iPhones for what Durex deems the ultimate in foreplay.

Frankly, Durex’s vision of touch over the Internet looks pretty fun. Looks targeted toward couples but the potential seems enormous for masturbation or enhancing the experience with those paid Internet porn cam sites. Imagine a single person on Chaturbate wearing these! I can see a new iPhone app now. "RandomVibe" with choices such as "Use BlueTooth to touch a stranger within 30 feet" making subway rides exciting or "Wifi a stranger on your network" making office romance safer or "Randomly touch someone on the Internet" for Worldgasms. Ah! What about one app that allowed you to touch multiple people for "the virtual orgy!" If the generation of free love thought the sex partiers of the 80s and 90s were strange and those generations found themselves envious of the past decade and a half or so of shrinking clothing, lycra, rainbow parties, and oral and anal are okay because I still have my virginity and can keep wearing my ring, their minds will melt with the potential for the next two generations of virtual, supersafe, sex.

Of course, it feels like I’ve seen this before:

See also: Gizmodo and h/t to Angel Stewart.

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Do you want your antidepressant orally or vaginally?

The results are in!

Women Who Have Unprotected Sex Are Happier, Smarter Thanks to Mood-Elevating Properties of Semen

Semen is known to contain such "mood-altering chemicals" as estrone and oxytocin, which elevate mood; cortisol, which promotes affection; serotonin, which acts as an antidepressant; and melatonin, which induces sleep.

[Source, Gawker]

And here’s the icing on the face:

Gallup and Burch also determined that women with a significant amount of "seminal plasma" in their system have improved concentration, and excel over their semen-deficient counterparts in performing cognitive tasks.

[Source, Gawker]

So, there you have it. Semen is ‘good for women’s health and helps fight depression.’ [Source: Dailymail.co.uk]

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Internet has ruined nudity!

The human form, particularly the female form, is beautiful! All shapes sizes colors. It doesn’t matter. They hang in our art galleries, appear in photographic journals, hang on the walls of our homes (most fun thing to say at a friend’s house “so, is that your wife?” answer “yes”), are used in advertisement, sculptures, and so many other places. Nudity is art. I think religion was first to try to ruin the human body. Granted, some Pagan religions actually celebrate nudity. But the Internet succeeded where religion failed. How? Religion made it taboo and that raises curiosity actually making the forbidden object/fruit/alcohol/drug more desirable. The Internet threw it in our faces making it meh.

When I was a child to understand the human body, you had to sneak a peek at your friend’s father’s 2 or 3 adult magazines (if you could find them), or squint your eyes at the fuzz on the scrambled Playboy channel (how do you think The Magic Eye pictures were discovered?), we read National Geographic hoping the photographer that month had visited Africa, examined medical books (thank goodness Mom was studying nursing!), looked at how to take photography books (thank goodness my grandfather was a photo nut!), and found clubhouses in the woods with walls plastered with pages from Hustler, Playboy, Oui!, and other magazines (and yes, the woods had these treasure troves..what do children do without woods now-a-days? Oh, right, they have the Internet!).

What brought me here today? A leg cramp. Last night my left calf spasmed nearly bringing tears to my eyes. I sat up in bed and grabbed my leg pressing my palm hard against the muscle. I tried stretching the muscle and relaxing the muscle, pointing the toes down and up, and it laughed in my face and wriggled beneath my palm as if infested with a thousand alien worms. I needed water and a banana. This seemed to go on forever and deemed a post. I sought a picture to accompany the post by Googling calf muscle. Clicked a link (NSFW). And uttered these words aloud: Oh, I like the bridge! Apparently, I now see dolphins again.

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Do-It-Yourself Vasectomy

In December, I set up a chipin campaign to raise money for an operation I promised Cathy 3 years ago. The vasectomy campaign ends in six hours and the Internet hath spoken! Either the digital world out there wants 1) me to have more children or 2) see a DIY vasectomy. As complimented as I am that you desire more of my DNA stay in the gene pool, I am going to have to go with the DIY vasectomy. The only question that remains is to stream via webcam or not to stream? And do I create a chipin campaign for pain killers and re-constructive surgery? Now where’s that Swiss Army knife?

(ala Rocky Horror‘s Time Warp)
It’s just a snip to the left
And a snip to the right
Pull the sack up and put the sutures in tight
No pelvic thrust
For 30 day ay ay ayay ays
Let’s do the vasectomy today!

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Morning Sex Is Like Russian Roulette

Warning! Turn your virgin eyes away! The following allegory alludes to one of the three taboo subjects which should never be discussed outside the walls of your own home. I happen to be typing this from within the confirms of those walls so its kind of okay. Today’s taboo subject is sex! As for the other taboo subjects, I posted about drugs on Friday and post about politics far too much.

What guy doesn’t dream of his daily alarm clock being a beautiful nymphomaniac using the bed as a trampoline while yelling "ride ’em cowgirl!"? Guys in late high school and throughout their college years love to joke about their morning wood. But these young turks are single and naive for it is not morning "wood." The term is "morning would." Because you would if you could but you can’t because if you try you die. It’s similar to the praying mantis

"Placing them in the same jar, the male, in alarm, endeavoured to escape. In a few minutes the female succeeded in grasping him. She first bit off his front tarsus, and consumed the tibia and femur. Next she gnawed out his left eye…it seems to be only by accident that a male ever escapes alive from the embraces of his partner" Leland Ossian Howard, Science, 1886. [Source, The Female Praying Mantis: Sexual Predator or Misunderstood by Michele Doughty See also, You Give Love A Bad Name]

Or perhaps the spider.

in over 60% of cases the female then eats the male. [Source]

So in the morning when you arise, just observe your wife in her restful bliss, put the gun down, and go, uh, read the newspaper.

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From the mouths of babes

Noah: "Health ended today."
Dad: "Oh? Did you have sex education?"
Noah: "Sorta."
Dad: "Did they talk to you about boy parts and girl parts?"
Noah: "They talked about boy parts. I missed the day they talked about girl parts."
Dad: "Sex education was only two days?!"