Mom: "Do you want to go to school and play with your friends."
Evan, 3 years old and went to bed too late: "Nuh uh."
Evan then cocoons himself in the covers.
Category: Evan
From the mouths of babes
Evan, 3 years old, one finger pointing to scrotum: "Dad, I have ball in this."
Dad: " mmKay."
Evan: "I have 3 balls in this."
Dad: "Three?!"
From the mouths of babes
I like to change the picture on my desktop from time to time. I have two monitors and the picture appears on each of them. The theme lately has been family so I have had a variety of pictures of the children and Cathy as my desktop. Today I thought I’d try on something artsy. I went looking for a picture and came across a very tasteful, black and white nude that the composition just seemed far more striking than any of the other photos on the site. 30 seconds later, Evan comes strolling up to my desk.
Dad, trying to get an application to cover up the picture, instead gets an hour glass: "Hi Evan."
Evan, 3 years old, very loudly: "Nice butt!"
Dad, watching hour glass: *blink*
Evan, making sure Dad heard, places emphasis on butt: "Nice BUTT!"
At least the boy has good taste! Now, time to find something more abstract…
From the mouths of babes
Amy, three, with Noah, twelve, beside her: "Can the dogs go with us to school?" (she means carpool)
Dad: "Sure but don’t let them in the car until I wipe their feet."
Noah, Evan, Amy and the dogs walk out the door. Dad from the front porch hollers: "Don’t let the dogs in the car until their feet get wiped."
Noah walks to car and puts hand on door handle. Dad yells: "Don’t let the dogs in the van!"
Noah opens the door and lets Dharma in with no effort to stop her.
Dad goes on a tirade: {this part is unprintable}
Noah: "I thought you were talking to Amy."
You know that scene in Caddy Shack?
Time to reenact the pool scene from Caddy Shack, only we don’t have any Baby Ruth’s in this house. Where did I leave my Hazmat suit?
Update: They called me upstairs to deal with it. I donned my rubber gloves and found two small children still in the tub. Evan was holding a brown ball of the stuff! He gave it to me then Amy grabbed a fibrous sheet of it. Yuck! Evan had quite the blowout. Amy tossed her sheet toward me and I jumped back 3 feet as they laughed and swished around in the murky water. It was all in the bath water. I was repulsed. Amy and Evan laughed and swam. Cathy laughed so hard she started to tear. Then she explained that Evan took the card board tube from an expended roll of paper towels in with him. Belated April Fools on me! Now that was funny.
What is parenting?
Parenting is not getting upset about spending $29 on what you thought was a child-friendly dinner only to have 3 children decide not to eat.
Update: A fourth child stayed at a friend’s house because their Chinese food sounded better than our dinner. The fifth child had cheese cake because he’s away at the university.
Evan’s First Homework Assignment
This went to school with Evan this morning. Actually, was supposed to. It got to school when Evan was picked up. Still on time though!
Oops
Lost my temper with the twelve year old because he acted like a 12 year old boy. No! Not that. He was supposed to be watching the little ones while I did some programming and worked on the plumbing but he got drawn into his Playstation2, the one I told him not to play. I demonstrated anger, made 2 children cry, and now everyone (mostly Mom) is justifiably mad at me. Sometimes I wish I could roll the clock back just a few minutes and have a little do-over. Hugs, humility and apologies went all around. Tears were brushed away. But the damage is done. Self-flagellation ahead.
Evening is upon us – Football!
Bearden High School has a home game tonight. Sarah will be demonstrating her excellence. Last year we discovered it was neither cost effective or prudent to take the whole family so Cathy and I take turns going to the games to support the teamflags. Alright, usually Cathy goes. So tonight’s evening chaos is brought to you by Liquid Plumber, The BHS Band Boosters, McDonald’s, and the RedCross babysitting training. Participants in tonight’s chaos are Amy, Evan, Noah, and Dad. Absence from this evenings show is Tommy who stayed at the college to chill with his hommies, Sarah who when not flirting with Zak is spinning flags on the field, and Mom who is taking pictures of Sarah flirting with Zak. Mom shoves down a McDonald’s cheese burger and is out the door leaving Noah instructions to get the trash out of the kitchen then help Dad with Amy and Evan. Amy is told to help Dad with Evan. Mom leaves. Noah goes to the back of the house and plays video games. Dad blinks at the trash. Amy and Evan erupted into loudness contests. Dad tries to figure out how to divide time between refereeing Amy and Evan, working on the tub, and coding web applications. It’s quiet upstairs… too quiet…
From the mouths of babes
Dad, looking at the ChipIn results: "Jesus!"
Evan, 3 years old: "Da, why you say Jesus?"
Dad: "Oops. I was saying a thank you prayer."
Our Life
Between coughing up my lungs today, I have been hard at programming on a project. I have some neat things happening but they never seem to happen quickly enough. I took only one break today to return something I borrowed longer than I should have. I am close on my code but it always seems like I need just another half an hour when our evening chaos erupts. This evening’s chaos was complicated by the high school parent night.
What is evening chaos? It starts when a child says he needs the mouse I stole from his computer so he can do his homework. Then Mom dashes out the door explaining the homework Amy has to do after the kids finish cleaning the kitchen table. That’s the table with 3 inches of soapy foam on it and a perplexed middle schooler asking, "uh. How do I clean that up?" Still he manages to leave the table a sticky mess. Evan, who is getting closer to being housebroken, pees on the floor in the girls room. I’m on the phone with the bank trying to get them to fax me a letter that they say they can’t mail to me for 10 days due to federal law. I need it Monday but preferably tomorrow. Dinner has to be made. Go downstairs and sharpen a pencil. Hear Amy and Evan start to fight. Cathy texts to tell me she is going to park illegally. I call to give her a hard time but get voicemail so I text her my approval and then she calls. Evan is screaming just because he has lungs that aren’t filled with gunk. Evan wants to help with Amy’s homework. Oh dinner. Noah has a question on his homework. Code? Sharpen pencil again. And… that’s just the beginning.
From the mouths of babes
Evan, bouncing: "Wake up. Go sleep. Wake up. Go sleep. Wake up!"
Dad: "Yes. Go to sleep and we’ll wake up in the morning."
Evan, with a gasp and loud: "Ah! THANK YOU Da!"
From the mouths of babes
Evan: "Where going Da?"
Dad:"Home."
Evan:"I not go home Dad."
Dad:"Where do you want to go?"
Evan:"Granny’s!"
Dad:"Granny is not home. She’s working."
Evan:"I go see Noah."
Dad:"Noah is at school."
Evan:"I see Sarah."
Dad:"Sarah is at school."
Evan:"I see Amy!"
Dad:"We just dropped Amy off at school."
Evan:"I see Mom!"
Dad:"Okay. Mom is at home. Do you want to go home?"
Evan:"Yeah. Go home Da!"
Evan:"I see trees."
From the mouths of babes
Evan, dropping pacifier to floor (no, he shouldn’t be using one): "Daddy, get my bop."
Dad: "No. I can’t even stand up right now."
Evan:"awright. I get mineself."
From the mouths of babes
How do you fit 7 people into a 2000 square foot house? Some people double up on bedrooms. Amy and Sarah share a room. And Evan shares a room with Mom and Dad. For convenience, he is still in crib because it confines him forcing sleep but I anticipate that ending soon.
Evan, 3 years old, bolts upright in his crib: "Thank you Daddy! Thank you! Thank you Daddy!"
I was afraid to roll over and make eye contact because I didn’t want him coming to complete wakefulness. Playtime at 1am is not a good thing. Cathy was watching and said he was sitting up with eyes open but was fully asleep. He couldn’t have touched my heart more! I love that boy! After his thank yous, he laid down and fell into a deep sleep.
This morning-
Dad: "Let’s get ready for school."
Evan:"Hurray! School!" but school probably sounds more like schual.
Evan, out of the blue: "Daddy, Got milk?"
Evan is now pushing my buttons as he refuses to get dressed and has declared he is not going to school. Monday, monday.
180! Evan is wearing a backpack, dressed, and declaring, "Dad, I am ready to go. Ready to go."
