Reality Me

Category: Evan

  • Package Check

    Men love their penises. This cannot be denied. We remain ever vigilant to size, girth, performance, and usage quotas. We give them names, haircuts, dress them in raincoats, and polish them frequently. But when does a man become aware of his penis? I think most men would admit around age 10 but then go on to lie horribly about the history of their penis, its statistics, the number and frequency of polishings, and the date of first use. Like a used car, you cannot trust the odometer nor the salesman!

    All parents of male children know that the adult male’s memory does not serve him well. That penis works from birth. Children bring many shocking things into your life but nothing quite prepares you for the morning salut when changing that diaper within the first 6 months. Then suddenly between 9 months and a year, he discovers it! Opening the diaper invites a package check! You have to rapidly clean the area and then give in to letting him make sure all parts are intact.

    Nearing 1 year old, Evan not only does his daily package check, he utters a sound that is hard not to mistake for "Mine!" I assure you, he won’t let go it it until he gets married and hands it over to his wife to keep in a jar.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Dad: "Evan, do you want to take a nap?"
    Evan, 11 months: Shakes head no.

    Could have been a coincidence, but it was funny!

  • Touch the puppet head

    So Amy, Evan and Cathy are heading to the zoo to visit with Aunt Carmen, Gabriel and Abby. This will be Evan’s first trip and Amy is bouncing off the walls. I am dying to go! This afternoon/evening we have Sarah needing to be picked up from afterschool activities, Noah needing to be dropped off then picked up from Karate, and Cathy has a meeting at the same time as the Juggling Club. If I attend the Juggling Club I can enlist another juggler to help me at this year’s CMHW Zoo event (Saturday, April 29 from 10am-2pm – I perform from 12-1).

    These choices give me ulcers. Had I woken when I wanted I could have accomplished enough work to feel justified in taking some time at the zoo today but I didn’t. I don’t want to make Cathy skip her meeting but the juggling is good therapy and I’ve wanted a 2nd juggler to attend the CHMW event for years. I’m going to skip the zoo, work hard today, and juggle tonight.

  • Baby Talk

    So when Evan, 10 months, shoves his pacifier in my mouth, do you think he is telling me he doesn’t want to sleep?

  • Sticky

    Getting yellow bubble gum off an infant’s delicate skin is no fun.

  • Children Steal Your IQ

    1. Put 10 month old into swing and buckle securely.
    2. Hold your left hand as if you were going to shake hands.
    3. Place a bottle of Tylenol Infant Drops Plus Cold between your thumb and index finger of the left hand.
    4. Use your right hand to squeeze dropper and remove cap with dropper full of medicine.
    5. Use left hand to remove pacifier from infant’s mouth by grabbing with index finger and thumb.
    6. Try to place dropper into infant’s mouth only to realize taking infant to 9 year old’s karate lessons has been a mistake.
    7. Use pinky finger, ring finger and middle finger of left hand to hold down infant’s right arm.
    8. Use right forearm to block infant’s left hand.
    9. Quickly shove dropper into infant’s mouth.
    10. Realize that since step 7 the bottle of Tylenol Infant Drops Plus Cold has been pouring onto infant’s stomach.

    Perhaps I watched too much Three Stooges as a child.

  • Evan makes the grandparents nervous

    Evan shows off
    Notice Granny’s hand in the lower right? Evan laughs and loves doing this!

  • Leave my nose alone!

    I look down at my 10 month old (yes, he’s up another month!) and a large amount of snot is pouring out of his nose so I grab a tissue, he sees me, and spins his head 180° and blocks me with his hands before I ever reach him! They learn so fast.

  • Determined

    Evan has gone down for his morning nap and through the monitor I hear this (obviously the quote is what I assume Evan is thinking):

    click click click click click “If I hold this thing still I won’t fall asleep”

    Now for the visual. Evan prefers to sleep in his swing. He has learned that he can sit up, grab the mobile, and make it quit spinning.

  • Splish Splash Now She Needs a Bath

    I stole an hour this afternoon and Amy, Evan, Cathy and I took Molly out to the dog park. Molly was very excited and relatively well behaved. Some other dogs were running free and I let Molly off leash. This was the first time she realized she could go in the pond. The other dogs did and she tried to figure out how to simply get a drink but then put a paw in, then two paws, then all the way (it’s shallow at the top of the waterfall), then plop! she laid down. The entire time she is biting at the water as if she hoped to pick it up. She walked in circles chomping the whole time and then started jumping and splashing and jumping and splashing. It was riotous!

    While there I was pleased to be complimented by a dog judge and therapy dog trainer for my handling of Molly. She even asked if Molly did shows!

  • Put one foot in front of the other!

    At 8:45pm last night Evan took his first 5 steps. When I put him down he was standing and I could tell he was going to try a step so I prompted Cathy to look and with each step I said the word "step" which sounded like a machine gun since he walked so rapidly. After the 5th step he fell forward, caught himself on his arms, rolled to a sitting position with a grin that Gerber would have paid to photograph, and immediately tried to stand up again. He almost made it to standing; left foot extended and on right knee. Then he bounced and I swear he said, "step stepstepstepstepstep!" It was quite the special moment.

  • Improvised Edible Plate

    Here’s my parent hack for today. My 9 month old takes great pleasure in tossing or dumping a plate or bowl placed in front of him. So in his high chair, he eats right off the tray. Today I treated him to scrambled eggs (which he always devours) but today my eggs were sticking to the tray and frustrating the little fingers. I started to give in and place his plate in front of him anticipating the dogs would finish off the eggs. Instead I layered Cheerios on his tray and put the eggs on top of the Cheerios. He was able to easily grab the eggs and had a nice side dish with them.

  • Drink it up Evan!

    I gave Evan 30mL of water mixed with 30mL of apple juice and this morning he figured out that if he tilts the bottle he gets the drink. Until today he has just chewed the nipple unless I was holding it for him. Go Evan!

  • Daddy, snap it up!

    If there is one thing that I do really bad, it’s getting those snaps together on baby clothes. There should be something better! And when Evan starts kicking, we both start agonizing.

  • We Storm IHOP Again

    Eating at International House of Pancakes

    I’m thinking IHOP needs its own category!

    On Friday night the whole crew, minus Tommy who chose to stay home and play video games, went out to eat. We replaced Tommy with one of Sarah‘s friends. Lakesha (pictured), who knows us by name, came by for a visit. She always tries to get Evan to interact and sometimes he gives smiles while other times he cries. Tonight he giggled.

    I love this photo because you can see the love pouring from Sarah and Noah into their brother. Not pictured was the jealous Amy. Looking at this picture makes it is easy to understand why Amy is acting out. Amy, once the center of the universe, has been dethroned. Making sure each child gets a balanced amount of attention is always a challenge in a big family. I really like to see that each week each child gets one on one time with at least one parent. That time might be a game of chess, reading a book together, or several hours belaying at the climbing gym.

    Naturally we demolished IHOP and as we exited, the HAZMAT team entered. I think they are on contract now.

    Remember, FREE Pancake Day is coming February 28.