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Crab Trap

In college I used to really enjoy spelunking (caving). Once in a cave off Keller Bend Road, I took a moment to stare down this one particularly muddy shaft. It was narrow to begin with, sloped downward, and got narrower ending in a hole. My curiosity had my mind plotting ways to rig ropes so that I could down and get back up but it was so incredibly muddy that I wasn’t certain even with proper gear that a person who slid down that trap could ever get back.

From day to day I frequently feel like I’m in that shaft and I have no rope.

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MLK, battle for freedom

In December of 1988 I drove a beautiful, restored 1980 Triumph Spitfire 1500 under a disabled car in Memphis, TN. I was saved from decapitation because in 1980 British Leyland installed a safety hook on the bonnet (hood for the Americans) that crumped it rather than allowing it to slice through the windshield and occupants of the vehicle.

On this day in 1989 I drank away that car and all its symbolism, straying from a path of righteousness and entering into a 4 year period of blackout drinking. I’d give almost anything to have those braincells back, to have those 4 years without the impact of alcohol. I documented those years in a journal that was later stolen out of my car in the parking lot of West Town Mall, the first sign that time had come to move on.

For roughly a decade a good friend and I used this day as a reunion for friends. We hosted some outrageous parties on the premise that our friends could be assured on this 3 day weekend, there would be a celebration of friendship in Knoxville. In reality, we threw some huge keggers and held onto the past. As time went on fewer friends showed and more strangers trashed our homes. Sometimes my friend and I get together for a game of pool and tea although now-a-days I prefer Lipton over Long Island.

Thich Nhat Hanh in Essential Writings talks of mental formations, “things we see, hear, smell, taste, touch, imagine, or think can all give rise to internal formations – desire, irritation, anger, confusion, fear, anxiety, suspicion, and so on.” These are also called fretters.

If we live in forgetfulness, if we lose ourselves in the past or in the future, if we allow ourselves to be tossed about by our desires, anger, and ignorance, we will not be able to live each moment of our life deeply. We will not be in contact with what is happening in the present moment, and our relations with others will become shallow and impoverished.

I find Buddha’s teachings never truer.

Buddha taught that we should not pursue the past “because the past no longer is.” When we are lost in thoughts about the past, we lose the present. Life exists only in the present moment. To lose the present is to lose life. The Buddha’s meaning is very clear: we must say good-bye to the past so that we may return to the present. To return to the present is to be in touch with life.

I was at odds with such thinking because I have always felt that to “forget the past means we are doomed to repeat it” but Buddha does not say “forget” rather “should not pursue.”

The present contains the past … When the Buddha said, “Do not pursue the past,” he was telling us not to be overwhelmed by the past. He did not mean that we should stop looking at the past in order to observe it deeply. When we review the past and observe it deeply, if we are standing firmly in the present, we are not overwhelmed by it. The materials of the past which make up the prsent become clear when they express themselves in the present. We can learn from them. If we observe these materials deeply, we can arrive at a new understanding of them. That is called “looking again at something old in order to learn something new.”

Escaping to the future is so easy. I can look ahead and see our much improved lives with so few troubles and all the luxuries.

Sometimes, because the present is so difficult, we give our attention to the future, hoping that the situation will improve in the future. Imagining the future will be better, we are better able to accept the suffering and hardship of the present. But at other times, thinking about the future may cause us a lot of fear and anxiety, and yet we cannot stop doing it. The reason we continue to think about the future, even when we do not want to, is due to the presence of internal formations. Although not yet here, the future is already producing ghosts which haunt us. In fact, these ghosts are not produced by the future or the past. It is our consciousness which creates them. The past and the future are creations of our consciousness.

The present really is all that matters.

To return to the present moment is to discover life and to realize truth. … Only the present moment is real.

If we do not stand firmly in the present moment, we may feel ungrounded when we look at the future…bring[ing] about unease, anxiety, and fear, and do[es] not help us at all in taking care of the present moment. … The best way of preparing for the future is to take good care of the present, because we know that if the present is made up of the past, then the future will be made up of the present. All we need to be responsible for is the present moment. … To care for the present is to care for the future.

I once read a No Fear t-shirt “There is nothing more painful than regret.” I have spent a terrible amount of my life pursuing the past and fixating on the future. As I place more effort on living in the present moment, such a wonderful moment, I feel more whole, like I am standing on solid ground. The regrets of the past vanish including the regret that the time spent pursuing the past could have been spent being alive in the present moment.

To return to the present moment is to be in contact with life. Life can be found only in the present moment, because “the past no longer is” and “the future has not yet to come.” …

… Life is not a particular place or a destination. Life is a path. … Every step can bring us peach, joy, and liberation.

My wife often reminds me that “it is not about the destination. Life is a journey.” I am glad we now walk the same road and that we share an adventure! On the weekend we celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr’s birthday, I celebrate the present moment, wonderful moment!

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Filed under “dumbass”

  1. Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet
  2. Do read the label on the box which in bold letters read “DO NOT USE TO REMOVE SQUIRRELS, BATS OR BIRDS.”
  3. Moth balls do get rid of squirrels in the attic (temporarily) while poisoning the humans and giving them cancer.

On a side note, I’m having awfully good memories of visiting Great-grandmother’s house.

Update: About 5 hours later the house doesn’t stink any longer.

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Why I Blog

(I am in the process of updating some static pages. This text goes with Why I Blog.)

Disclaimer:

First off, I want to say that blogging is stupid. Most bloggers, such as myself, have no journalism training. We are not professionals, are prone to errors, tempted to propagate rumor, and are busily creating a permanent record of non-retractable statements. We paint targets on ourselves and encourage friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers to make comments which, depending on our mood, may hurt our feelings or cause us to make a flippant remark in jest or anger that changes our relationship with those commenters. It is dangerous waters.

Employers or prospective employers can use your blog as a reason to fire or not hire you. I know if I was considering an person for a job the first thing I would do is search for them on the Internet. Of course, if it was me, I’d give more weight to bloggers than to people who only gave me a resume and some scripted references. I encourage my employers and clients to read further.

A blog is a chance for people to get to know you better [than your shrink]. I was raised to “not air my dirty laundry.” I took it to extremes and, until college, I was a very closed person; now I hide far less than I should. A blog creates an opportunity for your views on controversial issues to slip out. While this sounds like truth, you may not want certain people in your life such as your parents, church patrons, employers, children, or those social climbers for whom you put on a facade, to know the whole truth.

The Reasons:

What we do not practice, we lose. Blogging provides a creative outlet for writing, research, technology, presentation, marketing, and social networking. Regular publishing improves vocabulary and grammar. With each entry I publish, I find myself making multiple visits to dictionary.com which in turn has improved my spelling and assured the correct usage of words.

Blogging provides history. As with all journaling, records are kept of good and bad allowing those thoughts to leave our head and be enjoyed or relived at our leisure rather than burdening our minds. Children’s remarkable words and fantastic pictures can be shared and kept for prosperity. Precious moments with loved ones can be memorialized.

A blog is simply a regularly updated website with dated content. For better search engine placement and browser compatibility, a blog should have compliant and valid code adhering to current standards such as valid CSS. Professional websites are often developed under high pressure deadlines and tight budgets which do not allow for experimentation outside the programmer’s known skill set. A personal blog allows for trial and error with lessor used html tags, css designs, and web technologies, growing the programmer’s tool set and professionalism.

Mentorship is important to me. I enjoy teaching and sharing knowledge. Blogging provides an opportunity to give to others.

Community develops around a blog. Blogs are often interactive soliciting commentary from readers. As strangers peer into the lives of a blogger, a connection develops. The reader gets to know the presenter perhaps even better than persons known in real life. As readers comment on posts, dialog forms creating a tighter bond between reader and publisher. Friendships develop between people that may never see each other. Business relationships can form. Support networks can form. Blogging can even be therapeutic!

I caution people never to believe anything read on the Internet; at least, not without checking several sources. Blogs can be totally fictitious. For me, blogging is truth. To a degree, blogging is exhibitionism with a sprinkle of ego boosting. I love to talk and love to share stories, but working independently, and as time goes on, I find myself exposed to fewer people outside of my immediate family. Blogging has become an outlet for me to share my adventures!

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Paraskevidekatriaphobes – It’s your day!

Taking a sick day today? Staying in bed? Oh, I wish I could use this day as an excuse to stay in bed!

The sixth day of the week and the number 13 both have foreboding reputations said to date from ancient times, and their inevitable conjunction from one to three times a year portends more misfortune than some credulous minds can bear. Some sources say it may be the most widespread superstition in the United States. Some people won’t go to work on Friday the 13th; some won’t eat in restaurants; many wouldn’t think of setting a wedding on the date.

In other news, Happy Birthday Dad!

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Bellsouth’s Privacy Director

Good information on Bellsouth’s Privacy Director I love the service but for about 2 months now I’ve had a recorded message trying to get me to talk to someone. Their poor system thinks someone is answering the phone but Privacy Director cuts them off before the recording identifies itself. No human ever calls. It’s laughable but they call everyday.

Privacy Director gives a recorded messages to callers that are anonymous asking that the caller identify themselves (much like you would with a collect call). The phone rings at the house and after listening to the brief recording I have 3 options: take the call, reject sales call (gives the caller a no solicitation message), or reject the call. It drastically cut down on phone solicitations!