The first cup kisses away my thirst,
and my loneliness is quelled by the second.
The third gives insight worthy of ancient scrolls,
and the fourth exiles my troubles.
My body becomes lighter with the fifth,
and the sixth sends word from immortals.
But the seventh—oh the seventh cup—
if I drink you, a wind will hurry my wings
toward the sacred island.
Translated by Christopher Nelson
Of Grasshoppers
Student: I’m fighting depression.
Master: You’d be happier putting your fight elsewhere.
Quite possibly done
I don’t know if I have any fight in me left.
Soul for sale
Soul for sale: six figures, quality insurance, and a relocation package…the higher the number the greater amount of soul you can have. Want 12-14 hour work days, 7 days a week? Just name the correct figure. Vacation package? Nice but not necessary.
The antialarm
It is impossible to get out of bed when two cats are sleeping on you.
Of Parenting
While raising boys is easier than girls, once the boys hit their midteens, starting your day without uttering the word "morons" becomes difficult. –Red
Of Being Dad
I grow tired of trying to get the children to "use an inside voice." So, I have decided to simply put on my headphones and play the music loud enough to deafen myself.
Family
"Family" is Latin for "never enough bathrooms."
Of Grasshoppers
Student: No one listens.
Master:
Back on the health kick
Today I took time to eat breakfast despite the overwhelming desire to rush out the door and just grab some food on the way. I also took time to make my lunch. While this encourages me eating at my desk, it is healthier, mentally more relaxing than fighting traffic and deciding where to eat, and saves money. Hopefully I can make this a trend.
Update: In a moment of weakness, I got some junk food. I opened the package and immediately thought, "that smells disgusting…let’s put it in my mouth." Then I threw it away.
Of Grasshoppers
Student: I just want to be happy.
Master: A flower just wants a little sunshine.
Of Grasshoppers
Student: I hate my life.
Master: Can you choose a different one ?
On parenting
If you are not a parent, you probably have never said, "I’m going to kill a child!" If you are a parent, you say this with regularity.
Well
Fug me.
The 7 Stages of Knoxville’s Lottery Win
Last night, someone in Knoxville won $259 million on the Powerball lottery! Here is what happened in Knoxville this morning:
- Shock or Disbelief: "No one in Knoxville ever wins!"
- Denial: "It has to be me. I won’t look at the ticket and when no one else claims it I’ll know I didn’t lose. Argh, I looked and my numbers didn’t match. I’ll put the ticket in my desk drawer and check again later. It’ll be the winning ticket then."
- Anger: "Why’d I look at the ticket! If I hadn’t looked, it would have been me! I hope the person who won loses their ticket."
- Bargaining: "If only I had bought two tickets. Then I would have won half. Since I didn’t win $259 million, I’ll buy two tickets Saturday and win $40 million."
- Guilt: "I really shouldn’t have hoped the winner loses their ticket. After all, I might know them."
- Depression: "My life will never be the same without that $259 million."
- Acceptance and Hope: "Statistically the odds were against anyone in Knoxville winning. The odds that I know the winner are much higher. I hope I know the winner!"
