Category: Family

Happenings in a 5 child, 2 adult household.

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Of Being Dad

This morning was cool…until I got up. Cathy swapped roles with me this morning and got the children ready for school. What a relaxing way to start the day! I allowed myself 20 extra minutes of sleep then calmly got dressed and went upstairs to lend a hand by making Amy’s lunch. We were right on time to make the bus but pushing it. I had a simple plan: Amy and I run to the van and get to the bus stop. I remind the air, "Don’t let Dharma out!" It has been raining and I don’t have time to clean her feet for a van ride and still be able to get Amy to school. Then Evan runs into the kitchen with sticky buns caked to his hands. I exclaim, "Go wash your hands" but he needs help and no one is moving his direction. Cathy and I simultaneously take him to the bathroom and wash his hands. Suddenly Evan is to be a passenger. I’m watching the clock tick knowing that we are at a coin flip on making the bus or not. We rush to the front door and it magically opens and Dharma shoots out. I lunge for her and miss and she lands paws in the mud then digs in to race to the van. I lose it. I engage chase and booming voice (sorry neighbors). Dharma does something new, and hides under the van. All I picture is a dog that now needs a bath on a day that I don’t need distractions. She won’t come out so I honk the horn (sorry neighbors), yell, toss some rocks, why am I still trying to make the bus, the neighbor returns from the bus stop, the children are out trying to help so I yell at them to go back inside, Sarah gets Dharma out, I smack the dog and drag her by the scruff of the neck back inside, children are crying, dog is scared, and everyone is mad at me.

How could this have gone differently? All I had to do was close the front door. Within 15 seconds, Dharma would have been scratching to come inside. We could have said something witty and laughed instead of cried. And who cares if we missed the bus. I want to be that perfect tv dad. Can I have take 2?

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Please vote NO to random searches in our schools

I felt compelled to email each of our school board members (and the ACLU) since tonight they will vote to approve random searching of students in our schools. This is the email I sent. Will you send one?

Dear School Board,

Please vote NO to random searches in our schools. Our money and time will be better spent developing a rapport with the students.

These websites informed me that Knox County School plans to pass a measure to allow random searching of students in the schools:

http://schoolmatters.knoxnews.com/forum/topic/show?id=879777%3ATopic%3A28290
http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/sep/30/random-searches-at-schools-studied/
http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/oct/01/Knox-school-superintendent-proposes-random-search/

After the Central High School shooting, didn’t security experts advise you that the security cameras were a waste of money and that we’d be better served by having personnel interact more frequently with the students? See this quote from Knox School Matters:

I do not agree, I have a teenage daughter and do not want anyone “doing a pat down” search on her. They had a random metal detector search at Powell the other day and they only ran every 7th kid through it and yelled at the kids to shut up and just go through and dont ask questions. The kids were terrfied not knowing what was going on and being yelled at like criminals. Source, Knoxschoolmatters.com, Cindi

Our students deserve to be treated better than that. The students will not talk to the staff and warn them of impending doom when the student body fears the staff. We gain nothing through fear. In the penitentiary system random searches are to “breakdown” the inmates. Is that our goal? To brainwash and breakdown the children and parents? What legacy will we leave with these children when they graduate and start passing laws for us? For our own safety, will they legalize random searches in our retirement homes? The malls? Our houses?

Random searching is nothing more than theater. It is a waste of staff time, humiliating to the students, and ineffective. Ineffective? The student that wants to bring a gun to school isn’t going to be deterred by the possibility of a random search but I bet that student will be talking and exhibiting behaviors that give warning signs long before the gun comes in. You will pick up on the warning signs by interacting positively with the students. Negativity begets negativity and random searches are very negative.

Random searches at a school are different than random searches at an airport (although equally ineffective and very much theater). At the airport, we have the option to decline being searched and leave. Will our students have the right to decline a search and leave school?

You cannot build trust and safety on a foundation of fear and false suspicion. Please vote no.

Thank you!
Doug McCaughan
phone number

Update: A commenter at Knoxnews has this:

The Supreme Court Case that most directly deals with student searches is New Jersey v. T.L.O (469 U.S. 325). The written opinion states that althought students have not “necessarily waived all rights to privacy in such items by bringing them (legitimate, non-contraband items) onto school grounds,” a search can still be conducted if determined to be “reasonable.” The following describes the factors used to determine reasonableness:

“Determining the reasonableness of any search involves a determination of whether the search was justified at its inception and whether, as conducted, it was reasonably related in scope to the circumstances that justified the interference in the first place. Under ordinary circumstances, the search of a student by a school official will be justified at its inception where there are reasonable grounds for suspecting that the search will turn up evidence that the student has violated or is violating either the law or the rules of the school.”

In other words, officials must have a reason to search (less cause than suspision) a student. Random selection, by definition, is not a specific reason.

No matter how the school board votes, allowing random searches would be in direct violation of a Supreme Court ruling, and state and county law can not supercede federal law.

http://supreme.justia.com/us/469/325/…

[Source, Knoxnews, Knox school superintendent proposes random searches; board to hear plan tonight, zachbest]

Update: No response from any board member. The ACLU called almost immediately!

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From the mouths of babes

Evan poking me in my side hard enough to bruise: "Daddy, I want you come upschairs."
Dad: "No I have to work."
Evan: "I have to work too."
Dad: "Oh you do? What are you working on?"
Evan: "I work on compshure."

I wish I could live long enough to see a society where our "work" was solely the development and growth of our children and that our skills were simply contributed as needed to the community. Ray, where’s that Singularity?

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The Cupboards Were Bare

When the bedtime stories talk about bare cupboards, they mean ours. For the past 2 weeks, I have been saying, "We need to go to Sam’s. We need to go to the grocery." Time has not permitted. Somehow we have managed. Through creative cooking, every last crumb has turned into a child’s lunch for school, an afternoon snack, or a meal. When the stocks are running to nothing, resourcefulness and creativity kick in. This morning I looked in one cabinet and it was literally devoid of all but a single item! I could feel its vacuum trying to suck me in as if the Haldron Large Collider actually made its black hole in my kitchen cabinetry. The food shelves and fridge had barely enough to make Amy’s school lunch. I could have made pancakes or eggs and toast and avoided a trip to the store but this was looking bad. So for the sake of a happy family, I quested for food at Kroger before anyone woke.

I dodge boxes and employees while walking down the isles of Kroger for it was restocking time. The store is a bustle of activity and I feel like I’ve accidentally become privy to Disney’s afterhours magic. As I pull boxes of junk into my cart, knowing fruit rollups would please the children, I lament feeding them processed junk and ponder what I could do to send them to school with healthy snacks that they would still enjoy. Feeding a family is tough. Feeding a large family is more difficult. Feeding a large family healthy food on a tight budget and frantic schedule is nearly impossible! None the less, I make strides to improve. For instance, we have instant mashed potatoes in a fix but I prefer to make mashed potatoes from scratch.

The kitchen is a little less barren now. The children are happier. I still look forward to getting to Sam’s for we survive on bulk!

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From the mouths of babes

Dad, excited to see Tommy calling from college: "Hello!"
Nothing
Dad: "Hello?"
background noise
Dad: "Tommy, you there?"
Tommy: "Tech support question."
Dad, of course, why else would family call me: "What is it?"
Tommy: "My friend’s computer boots but goes to a blue screen before getting into Windows."
Dad: "Does he have a warranty with someone?"
Tommy: "BestBuy but the nearest one is in Knoxville."
Dad: "Then he needs to find a way to get to Knoxville."
Dad: "Okay. Can you boot into safe mode?"
Tommy: "Same thing happens."
Dad: "Is this a desktop or a laptop?"
Tommy: "A laptop."
Dad: "Has this computer been dropped?"
Tommy: "Well, yeah."
Dad: "Go to BestBuy."

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From the mouths of babes

I like to change the picture on my desktop from time to time. I have two monitors and the picture appears on each of them. The theme lately has been family so I have had a variety of pictures of the children and Cathy as my desktop. Today I thought I’d try on something artsy. I went looking for a picture and came across a very tasteful, black and white nude that the composition just seemed far more striking than any of the other photos on the site. 30 seconds later, Evan comes strolling up to my desk.

Dad, trying to get an application to cover up the picture, instead gets an hour glass: "Hi Evan."
Evan, 3 years old, very loudly: "Nice butt!"
Dad, watching hour glass: *blink*
Evan, making sure Dad heard, places emphasis on butt: "Nice BUTT!"

At least the boy has good taste! Now, time to find something more abstract…

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From the mouths of babes

Amy, three, with Noah, twelve, beside her: "Can the dogs go with us to school?" (she means carpool)
Dad: "Sure but don’t let them in the car until I wipe their feet."
Noah, Evan, Amy and the dogs walk out the door. Dad from the front porch hollers: "Don’t let the dogs in the car until their feet get wiped."
Noah walks to car and puts hand on door handle. Dad yells: "Don’t let the dogs in the van!"
Noah opens the door and lets Dharma in with no effort to stop her.
Dad goes on a tirade: {this part is unprintable}
Noah: "I thought you were talking to Amy."

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You know that scene in Caddy Shack?

Time to reenact the pool scene from Caddy Shack, only we don’t have any Baby Ruth’s in this house. Where did I leave my Hazmat suit?

Update: They called me upstairs to deal with it. I donned my rubber gloves and found two small children still in the tub. Evan was holding a brown ball of the stuff! He gave it to me then Amy grabbed a fibrous sheet of it. Yuck! Evan had quite the blowout. Amy tossed her sheet toward me and I jumped back 3 feet as they laughed and swished around in the murky water. It was all in the bath water. I was repulsed. Amy and Evan laughed and swam. Cathy laughed so hard she started to tear. Then she explained that Evan took the card board tube from an expended roll of paper towels in with him. Belated April Fools on me! Now that was funny.

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It’s quiet…too quiet

I love state fairs. I still remember my first state fair in the way back in North Carolina. I think that’s where I was introduced to my first foot long hot dog and on another occasion a corn dog. For the past 5 years or so, every time the Tennessee Valley Fair was here and my family was going, I was either in Los Angeles or just too consumed with deadlines to join them. This is crunch week on a project that must show great results. Tonight is the night the grandparents wanted to take the kids to the fair. I just had to say no. The funny thing is the decibel level in our house runs so consistently high that until you are alone in the house, it is hard to appreciate just how noisy we are. My ears feel like they are filled with cotton. This is almost too quiet to work!

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Oops

Lost my temper with the twelve year old because he acted like a 12 year old boy. No! Not that. He was supposed to be watching the little ones while I did some programming and worked on the plumbing but he got drawn into his Playstation2, the one I told him not to play. I demonstrated anger, made 2 children cry, and now everyone (mostly Mom) is justifiably mad at me. Sometimes I wish I could roll the clock back just a few minutes and have a little do-over. Hugs, humility and apologies went all around. Tears were brushed away. But the damage is done. Self-flagellation ahead.