A juggling technophile shares personal stories, challenges, humor and perhaps some political commentary.
Happenings in a 5 child, 2 adult household.
We recently had the pleasure of visiting the middle school’s art show. Sarah had 2 pieces of art and a poem entered. So, we have all seen the picture on the bottle. I did not expect to see it in real life.
Dad, staring at picture asks Mom: "What do you see?"
Mom looks briefly at the middle schooler’s art and replies: "A vagina."
Sarah walks by and Dad asks: "Sarah, what’s this?"
Sarah, nonchalantly: "A flower!" and walks on.
Mind meet gutter.
You know it’s a good day when the wife says, "I’ll have to kill you."
Noah has an opportunity to camp out in the Okefenokee for 5 days and 4 nights. The estimated cost doubled on me last night. I have concerns about the trip including:
I feel like my gut is saying not to do this trip but I also think I am misreading my reasons for saying no. I have to decide today.
Yesterday I woke at 4am to get Sarah to the church for her ski trip to Sugar Mountain NC only no one was there. At 5am I am calling to wake her grandparents who in turn call and wake the preacher’s wife only to find out that the trip was canceled due to the fires of global warming. Sarah was supposed to call the day before and confirm that the trip was on but she summed up her 13 year old skewed view of prioritized with "I forgot" which translates to "I didn’t want to make that call. That’s stoopid.quot;
After returning a sad teenager to the house, I put out some fires on a client’s website then awoke Noah so we could go fire .22 gauge rifles with the boy scouts (see also and also). The boys did really well at the firing range. (Cathy has the non-cellphone pictures) When we returned home, the boys talked me into having a bonfire.
The flames were huge and elicited concerned phone calls from two parents of children that were at my house.
As the night drew on, the bonfire stayed strong. I wanted to sleep and I also wanted to let the wood burn down further but the winds were picking up. Checking the weather, I confirmed that a wind advisory suggested strong winds throughout the night so I doused the fire for 10 minutes yet today it still smolders.
Last Saturday, I took advantage of a gift card to Calhoun’s and took Cathy and Tommy out to dinner. We chose the Calhoun’s in Turkey Creek and afterwards shopped at World Market. Everything was nice and relaxed until a concerned neighbor called to report that our front door was wide open. Slight panic and concern for Molly ensued. Logical thinking went out the window and I begged my neighbor to please go confront the burglars in my house which she did. Afterwards, she called to report that Molly was sleeping on the couch, she chased the outside cat back outside, locked and closed the door. Tommy, being last out, felt horrible. The relaxing evening we had up to that point now held a tingling tension.
Last night we joined a friend for a bonfire at their house. Upon returning home, our front door was wide open. Being the last out, I knew I had locked and securely closed the door. Moment of self-doubt. Then redemption! The scratches on the inside doorknob reveal that Molly, the German shepherd, can let herself out of the house! So, why does she scratch at the door to be let in?
Yes, in college I drank to excess. When Cathy and I were dating, she was working a health fair and one of the booths was worked by a police officer with "drunk googles" which are these fractured things you put on to simulate intoxication then try to walk a straight line. He watched me walk it really well and coolly commented, "this guy has had too much practice." But college is long gone and I rarely drink now-a-days.
So, once in a blue moon I might buy a six pack of beer and have one beer a night while watching television with Cathy. On rare occasion we buy a bottle of wine. I certainly do not hide it from the children. They should know that it is alright for an adult to have a drink. Apparently I was wrong. The last bottle of wine was purchased with our full complement in the car so Noah witnessed me walk into the liquor store and knew that later Cathy and I drank some wine! (of course, Cathy probably has all of 4 glasses a year) So, Noah took it upon himself to check out a book from the school library titled something akin to "Alcoholism: Someone in my family drinks too much" What a good caring guy! Of course, he is going to be a nervous wreck before he reaches high school if he keeps worrying like this.
Tommy, eating some cheese with dinner: "What country is famous for cheese?"
Dad: "Vaudeville."
Mom: "Tommy, how’s your cheese?"
Tommy: "Good."
Dad: "You should have said gouda."
Tommy: "Hurry up and finish [your meal], so you can leave."
Mom: "Sarah, Evan’s wearing your bra."
Evan has an ear infection and sinus infection. He is taking antibiotics but a comedy of errors has left him without a decongestant so green slugs continue to pour from his nose.
No school tomorrow so Noah has a friend over. The boys have graciously allowed Evan and Amy to play in their room and it was so nice to hear raucous laughter from all 4 children. Until! I hear the laughing words, "He’s gonna lick it!" I bolt to the room to see a huge slug stretching from nostril to lip. I race to get tissue to nose but before I can reach him the boys have their victory and more. Not only has Evan tasted the horrid slime but he has spread it to his hands looking like something from You Can’t Do That On Television! And they cackle.
These guys are going to make great frat brothers.
"Kids, don’t ever arrange to meet anyone in real life that you’ve met online." Ummm. Unless it is a party with lots of people that you have only met online…
Molly’s purple Jolly Ball has been behind the house for a couple of weeks. Her green one is down the side yard against a tree. The red one has been her favored ball recently but has vanished (it always returns).
So yesterday, I say to Molly, "Go get your purple ball." She runs outside with purpose and within 2 minutes is sitting at the front door with the purple ball!
I told Cathy about this and she brushed it off as coincidence then prompted Molly, "Go get the purple ball!" to which Molly went straight over to Evan’s 2 foot diameter $2.50 purchased at Target knowing good and well Molly would eat it ball which happens to be purple and nudged it deliberately with her nose then looked straight at us. Weird! Btw, Evan’s ball is made at Hedstrom who made a very pretty and incredibly useless website.
Dad: "Are you nervous?"
Noah: "I don’t know."
Dad: "Your mother asked you to clean your room and you didn’t. Why?"
Sarah: "I don’t know."
Dad: "Do you have any homework?"
Tommy: "I don’t know."
Dad: "What did you do in school today?"
Amy: "I don’t know."
Dad: "Are you hungry?"
Evan: "Diiiink"
It would appear that tonight I need to be gruff, caustic, very direct and cold, rough and walk with a limp. Thank you Hugh Laurie for the role playing opportunity!
Noah crossed over from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts last night. He has worked hard and I am proud of him!
