I think one of the biggest challenges in marriage is finding new ways to piss off your spouse so that they don’t get bored with the old ways of pissing them off. Watch for my upcoming book release, "365 Ways to Tick Off Your Wife" and its sister publication, "365 Ways to Apologize (Without saying the word sex)."
Category: Daily Life
Ramblings, often stream of conscious, journaling the events of my life.
Calls a parent never likes
Tommy, "Our bus just got hit. I told the officer I didn’t do it."
The school bus experience has been horrid this year. There is no lack of irony in the year ending with a bus accident. Tommy’s description was that a trailer clipped the back corn of the bus and the bus didn’t even move much. His friend’s mother called and said, "the bus got side swiped!" The accident happened within walking distance of the school but they are making the children wait until another bus can come to move them from the accident scene to the school. Since it is a short bus of special needs students, that does make sense.
I had hoped we could arrange for Tommy to ride the regular bus home at least once this year. I think he is fully capable of handling the regular bus. Getting off the short bus would alleviate so much turmoil! And possibly introduce some.
Update: Tommy called, laughing, to declare, "we’re on tv!" Looks like WATE got the footage. Guess we will have to record the news tonight. The kids on the bus sounded way out of control.
Update 2: Some more details.
Seeking
One adult male seeking a mind. I believe it was lost in the vicinity of Knoxville, TN. If found it can be identified with its resemblance to a piece of swiss chess combined with a fuse panel in the process of shortening out during a lightning storm. Synapses may be firing erratically. Pieces of the mind may be dead from excessive stupidity during the college years. Feel free to lobotomize and return at your earliest convenience. I think I the thing.
My Moral Code – Yin and Yang
What kind of person am I?
Today a lengthy funeral procession led by 2 slow moving police cars drove north on Morrell Road while I drove south. I threw on my hazards, turned on my headlights and jumped to the right side of the road. One private vehicle followed my lead going instead to the turn lane in the middle while a Bellsouth utility truck pulled up behind me and turned on his headlights. A dozen other cars drove past looking at us like we were crazy while I pondered who died, how had they lived, and would my life be worthy of such a procession. I felt it was the right thing to do.
When I park at a grocery store there are always carts nearby. More often than not, I grab one or two as I walk from the car to the store. I am going that direction anyway. I feel it is the right thing to do.
Today as I sat in a turn lane waiting to cross two lanes of traffic to get to my side street, I watched numerous cars run over a board in the street. This was a 2×8 with metal lips installed on either end that is what people with pickup trucks use as one side of a ramp for loading a lawn mower or 4×4 into the back of their truck. Obviously one had fallen out of someone’s truck unnoticed. As each car hit it, the board jumped into the air and spun erratically. When the traffic broke, instead of turning, I press my hazard lights on leaving several cars stuck behind me. I then jumped out of the van, grabbed the board, and flung it to the side of the road where it would not be danger. I felt it was the right thing to do.
On multiple occasions, I have stopped the car to get a dog out of the road. Each time I felt I saved a life and prevented an owner’s grief. I felt it was the right thing to do.
I believe in karma. I believe what goes around comes around. I believe all things balance. Yin and yang. I sometimes lose focus on the big picture and fixate on a turmoil in my life which leads me to question my beliefs. And then I remember all the fortune that befallen me, the smiles and laughs I share with friends and strangers, the help from out of the blue I clumsily try to refuse, and the reminder that I could have been wearing my good shoes when I stepped in the dog poo, and then it all comes together and I am assured that in the end there is harmony. It is the right thing to do.
Do you look at your money?
Dimes are my habit. I always look at the edge my dimes. See, before 1965 dimes were minted out of silver. You can tell a silver dime by looking at the edge. If its solid, it’s silver. Post 1965 dimes have an edge that shows half copper and half nickel. The actual composition of a post 1965 dime (and quarter) is 75% copper and 25% nickel due to the Coinage Act of 1965. Coincidentally, a few 1965 dimes were accidentally minted in silver and those errors bring a fine price to a collector.
As a child, I fancied myself a coin collector (but didn’t we all). As an adult, when the hard times came my coin collection bought bread or gas without even the effort of looking for a doubled die error. What remains are the oddities. I have 3 silver dimes including a Mercury head from 1939 and two Roosevelts from 1952 and 1964. They are not in mint condition but they sure are cool to hold! And I can still remember the excitement I felt the day I found one of them in my change.
What’s in your pocket?
My Wife’s Not-so-special Birthday
This past weekend my wife had her birthday on Saturday and Mother’s Day on Sunday. I let her down. 
Cathy says this picture is how I looked all weekend; she wrongly assumed I was mad at her. Deadlines have loomed and accounts were drawn thin. In an attempt to make everything come together I tried frantically to get work done while squeezing in lawn mower repair and drywalling; if money didn’t work out, at least I could give Cathy a nice lawn and finished bedroom for her birthday. Unfortunately, nothing worked out. My grandiose plans were falling to pieces. I had failed to get the children to make gifts or collaborate on handmade cards or even buy her a present from the children (much less the same for Mother’s Day).
Fortunately, the grandparents opted to take all five children for Friday evening and most of Saturday! Cathy and I had a relaxing evening together but I did not slip away to get her a card or gift. Saturday I tried to get yard work done and the mower ran for 2 minutes before declaring it was dead dead dead. 
I spackled but the joint compound I am using takes 24 hours to cure each coat and I cannot sand if Cathy and Evan will be in the bedroom within a couple of hours of sanding. 
We shopped but Cathy was always by my side. Finally we decided to go to the mall and I knew I could slip away but we opted to pick the children up first and I failed to find a good excuse to be away from Cathy and the children. 
I tried slipping away with the children but Evan made shopping impossible. In desperation, at the end of the day, I asked Cathy if she wanted to be involved in her purchase but all I did was upset her.
For Mother’s Day, we spent the day at Cades Cove. The day was a blast despite ending with the keys being locked in the van in the middle of the wilderness and Molly eating two sets of $50 blinds.
Next holiday I’ll do better!
Today was a very important day. It went really bad. But I liked it. It’s Burns, not Steinbeck. Because a good teacher does not kill the spirit of a happy child. My day began with a discussion about "The mating rituals of the screw worm."" I got a phone call from Nathan Petrelli! Amy (4 years and 11 months): "I need to take a chill pill!" So Cathy noted that I haven’t blogged since Thursday which is uncharacteristic of me. Seems the tenants in my head have been having some heated debate over the direction the next chapter of my life must evolve. The loudest tenant seems to think that we have some opportunities in front of us in the form of 8am to 5pm employment which could greatly change the level of stress this body carries, reduce the chance of heart attack, provide some stabilization of historic cash flow issues, and provide other stabilities to our family. That tenant seems to think that blogging "Seems the tenants in my head…" could cause a literal minded human resources person to circular file our resume. Another tenant is claiming that we have a good situation with a small company in town and although it does not pay that much does provide flexibility and predictability. That tenant admits the small company causes some hardship for the family and is hindering getting some high risk/higher reward work completed. This tenant believes we should maintain the status quo. Yet another tenant points out that the status quo is not being entirely fair to the small company nor the higher risk/higher reward company. That tenant suggests we let the small company go and put all eggs in the high risk basket. And also points out that developing a cash cow of our own, which brings in some predictable revenue, would reduce the risk. A tenant with a nervous, squeaky voice suggests a merging of status quo and high risk by bringing on some staff or contractors. The lunatic tenant in the bunch thinks we should spend all of our time on the house and with the family and seriously expects money to fly out of our butt. The cacophony between the debaters makes thinking about anything very challenging. So I am scuba diving and I am deep. Real deep! There is a mermaid swimming beside me. Her name is Cathy and she is drop dead gorgeous! Her red hair floats around that beautiful face with such fair skin and seductive eyes. Her perfect breasts[NSFW] accentuate the elegant curves of her waist and hips. She twirls showing off her tail which ends at a wonder set of buttocks. She takes my breath away! Oh no! I am out of air. I look down and see the enormous treasure I sought. I could grab it but I may never reach the surface! I hear Cathy sing. She wants me to stay with her. Another diver collecting water samples offers to let me help him in his research; in exchange, he will give me air but I cannot have my treasure, it will be an eternity before we surface, and I must be apart from Cathy. My new favorite movie quote: "I think I’m in a tragedy!" Our toaster died months ago. We’ve used the oven’s broiler to poorly toast waffles but mostly gone without toasted items. I have been waiting to purchase the family a nice, expensive toaster on the premise that you get what you pay for. Last night I gave in and bought a toaster…for $6.69. It looks identical to the one for which we paid $24.99 except this has 2 slots instead of 4. I mean everything is the same including the print except for the number of slots and the brand name. Thank you China! Something else the children hear me drone out over and over: "If you force it, it will break."The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft agley
No, I won’t buy her a teacher gift
And how’d your day start?
Heroes Coolness
From the mouths of babes
Absentee Blogger Minded
Sunk and drowning
Call it toast
Another of Doug’s Mantras
