So my development server is suddenly giving me 404s instead of webpages. Ok. I can deal. Let’s take a break and get a round tuit and figure out why Noah’s sound on his computer isn’t working. See, I have a game I want to share with him. We got the sound working but the game which lives on my desk is no where to be found. So all things constant appear to be in flux today. This isn’t right!
Category: Family
Happenings in a 5 child, 2 adult household.
Happy Birthday Evan!
Two weeks ago it was Cathy’s birthday. This past Thursday, Noah turned 11 years old. Today Evan turns two! Two very fast years. When Amy was born, I bought a book and started writing her a letter a day which became a letter a week, then none at all. When Evan was born, I bought a book and never put word one in it. Ah! Good intentions replaced by actual doings. The upcoming birthdays are Amy turning five on June 10 and Sarah turning 14 on June 24 then Tommy turns 17 on August 15.
Can you cope?
Cathy posted regarding her cycle of stress by which she feeds her headaches. Dr Michael Benjamin (or a robot representing Dr Benjamin or possibly a consulting group in India) commented on Cathy’s post (which is slightly ironic because one of Cathy’s degrees are in Psychology). Kris and Cathy both visited the good doctor’s myRay site and liked it. Naturally, I had to take a moment to see how crazy I am. The results? I short I’m a disappointed, angry, critical control freak that feels excessive guilt, burdens myself with responsibility that isn’t mine, craves more intimacy, and desperately needs a steak. A brief clipping:
- You have a tendency to think and analyze. This is very important to you.
- You do not seem to be able to “think your way out” of stress.
This causes you to think more with increasingly fewer results for your thoughts.
- You can easily get into a vicious circle and feel perplexed.
[Source]
And the best sentence in the evaluation (which regular readers of Reality Me will appreciate): It is easier to be more open when writing, than in face-to-face relationships..
The detailed results:
Children, left to their own…
So this morning had a plan. At 5:15am I would be on a video conference with London that would end at 6am. At 6am I would rouse Noah, make sure he was fed, clothed, etc and send him off at 6:54am to his last half day of the 5th grade. At 7am, I rouse Sarah, make sure she is fed, clothed, etc and instead of sending her to the bus at 7:34am I would drive her to make sure she was at school early (8am) so that she could participate in BNN’s filming the 8th grader’s last day.
Plans! Technical issues got the video conference off to a late start. I got Noah started then checked on him to find him staring blankly at our barren kitchen. He didn’t want cereal so I ran down options: oat meal, cream of wheat, eggs, … We hit on eggs! So I roll into EduDad and prompt Noah to get a frying pan while I get a bowl and crack two eggs into it. Noah looks in the closet where we keep glassware, then he looks in the drawer under the stove, and finally in the cabinet by the stove where pans are kept. He adds some milk to the eggs and we beat them well. The pan is oiled and cooking commences. I instruct him on when and how to stir the eggs and I return to my video conference. 20 minutes later I check on him and he is still stirring the most well-done eggs you’ve ever seen. I failed to tell him when to remove the eggs! "I was waiting for you to come upstairs so I could ask what to do." Why didn’t he come downstairs and ask for help?! Of course, I feel rotten. With one minute to spare, he slams down his burnt eggs and goes to his bus.
I rouse Sarah and return to my conference call. We wrapped at 7:46am which was still enough time to get Sarah to the school but she’s AWOL! And Noah left the stove on! I call Sarah’s phone, the one she left at her friend’s house, and leave a voice mail but I know what she’s done. In her desire to be an independent teen and trying to not interrupt my work, she has acted on her own. However, as a parent, I want her to always say goodbye! I want her to say good morning. I want her to sneak into her mother’s room and get her mom a peck on the cheek! AND we had a plan. I was supposed to drive her to school.
I find the choices they made this morning amusing and good for their growth and learning; however, I feel that I bungled being a dad this morning. I feel I let Sarah down.
Marriage has challenges
I think one of the biggest challenges in marriage is finding new ways to piss off your spouse so that they don’t get bored with the old ways of pissing them off. Watch for my upcoming book release, "365 Ways to Tick Off Your Wife" and its sister publication, "365 Ways to Apologize (Without saying the word sex)."
Calls a parent never likes
Tommy, "Our bus just got hit. I told the officer I didn’t do it."
The school bus experience has been horrid this year. There is no lack of irony in the year ending with a bus accident. Tommy’s description was that a trailer clipped the back corn of the bus and the bus didn’t even move much. His friend’s mother called and said, "the bus got side swiped!" The accident happened within walking distance of the school but they are making the children wait until another bus can come to move them from the accident scene to the school. Since it is a short bus of special needs students, that does make sense.
I had hoped we could arrange for Tommy to ride the regular bus home at least once this year. I think he is fully capable of handling the regular bus. Getting off the short bus would alleviate so much turmoil! And possibly introduce some.
Update: Tommy called, laughing, to declare, "we’re on tv!" Looks like WATE got the footage. Guess we will have to record the news tonight. The kids on the bus sounded way out of control.
Update 2: Some more details.
My Wife’s Not-so-special Birthday
This past weekend my wife had her birthday on Saturday and Mother’s Day on Sunday. I let her down. 
Cathy says this picture is how I looked all weekend; she wrongly assumed I was mad at her. Deadlines have loomed and accounts were drawn thin. In an attempt to make everything come together I tried frantically to get work done while squeezing in lawn mower repair and drywalling; if money didn’t work out, at least I could give Cathy a nice lawn and finished bedroom for her birthday. Unfortunately, nothing worked out. My grandiose plans were falling to pieces. I had failed to get the children to make gifts or collaborate on handmade cards or even buy her a present from the children (much less the same for Mother’s Day).
Fortunately, the grandparents opted to take all five children for Friday evening and most of Saturday! Cathy and I had a relaxing evening together but I did not slip away to get her a card or gift. Saturday I tried to get yard work done and the mower ran for 2 minutes before declaring it was dead dead dead. 
I spackled but the joint compound I am using takes 24 hours to cure each coat and I cannot sand if Cathy and Evan will be in the bedroom within a couple of hours of sanding. 
We shopped but Cathy was always by my side. Finally we decided to go to the mall and I knew I could slip away but we opted to pick the children up first and I failed to find a good excuse to be away from Cathy and the children. 
I tried slipping away with the children but Evan made shopping impossible. In desperation, at the end of the day, I asked Cathy if she wanted to be involved in her purchase but all I did was upset her.
For Mother’s Day, we spent the day at Cades Cove. The day was a blast despite ending with the keys being locked in the van in the middle of the wilderness and Molly eating two sets of $50 blinds.
Next holiday I’ll do better!
Amy (4 years and 11 months): "I need to take a chill pill!" Something else the children hear me drone out over and over: "If you force it, it will break." (Ok. Not a fair title but I made you look! Alternate titles: "Hot class at BHS" "Tommy Burns the String at Both Ends" "Tommy Scrambles Over an Open Fire") Tommy’s wildlife class has been learning how to build fires on campus..an activity that would get most kids expelled. Today his class will have a fire building contest where groups have to build a fire up and burn a string 2 feet high. Tommy has done this on camping trips and should do well. After they burn their strings they get to cook on the open fire. Tommy choose to scramble eggs on his fire. This morning we prepared his orange by slicing off the top third. Then we used a grapefruit knife to separate most of the meat from the skin so that this did not burden him during class. We put the sliced top back on and held it in place with rubber bands to keep the juices in during school. The recipe calls for 2 eggs so I sent 4. I could not find a egg carrier so I sliced up the egg carton to be a protective case. Tommy did not want any seasoning. We packaged the eggs and the orange carefully in an insulated container with ice packs. In the pocket of the container we put a plastic fork, aluminum foil (wraps around the orange while it cooks in the coals), and printed instructions. While others eat hot dogs and marshmallows, Tommy will be living it up with scrambled eggs! Update: Tommy did well! Amy: "Do we have Life Alert?" Earlier I wrote about speaking positively to your child. The next step comes from some comedic training I had under David Brian Alley who trained in Second City with the i.O. under Del Close and Charna Halpern (the teachers of most of the Saturday Night Live greats!). Using these lessons, I became a founding member of a Knoxvillian comedy troupe called Einstein Simplified and performed regularly at Manhattan’s for two years. We forewent the Harold, Truth in Comedy’s performance piece, and focused on performing the exercises. The end result was a format exactly like Whose Line Is It Anyway? before it became vogue. (Our inspiration was the British version) The performances were thrilling! Truth in Comedy: The Manual of Improvisation For instance, on the stage, one performer might say, "the sky is green." The other performers must now roll with this statement. To negate it is argumentative and not comedic. The next performer might add, "Yes and gravity has quit working!" If another performer said something like, "No that’s crazy" comedic opportunity ends because again the performers are arguing or contradicting. So instead, the next performer agrees and adds, "Look, the ground is blue. Pull your ripcords!" By agreeing and adding information, the comedians create a story. Is it funny? That depends on the connections it makes with the live audience and physical choices the actors make. As long as the actors did not argue or contradict, they are at least entertaining in the fact that they could piece together such a story on the fly. Connections with the audience can be guaranteed by starting the story with suggestions taken from the audience. "Give us a location. And a color." Applying this lesson to positive parenting is as simple as avoiding "no" in conversation. When your teenager asks, "can I go to the mall?" instead of abruptly declaring, "no I don’t have time because I am cleaning" agree and add, "yes, as soon as your room is clean." Do not set your child up for failure. "Yes, as soon as you have painted and re-roofed the house" is not agreeing and adding with respect to positive parenting. When your teen asks to go on a date, agree and add, "yes, as long as it is a group date with a chaperon." Another example might be when a younger child asks for a sleep over. Delayed gratification and planning are difficult concepts in your single digits so their "yes and…"s should be more immediate; however, sleepovers give a great opportunity to teach scheduling. "Can I sleep over at Wyatt’s?" The child is obviously implying tonight. Rather than saying, "no, you didn’t plan ahead" try "yes, and let’s find a good night in our calendar." Your agreeing and adding to the conversation has created a win-win situation whereby the child’s disappointment can turn into anticipation, you bond with the child and teach cooperation as you look together at the family calendar, and planning/scheduling skills are taught. Simply saying, "no" in exasperation would have created an unhappy child who would eventually learn, "there’s no point in asking my parents." "Yes and…" works in business too. Imagine having a sales meeting without once uttering the words "no," "but," or "not." How energized and excited the prospective client will be from such a positive experience! Negativity seeps into our lives. The news thrives on shock, gore, and evil. Adversity, bill collectors, road ragers, corporate back stabbers, con artists, and just plain mean people abound in our lives. It is no wonder so many people need antidepressants. We should avoid adding to the bad karma! We have all heard that it is easier to smile than frown and yet we furrow our brows constantly. Breaking our negative habit takes hard work. Practice agreeing and adding! You will become a more positive, happier person with greater success in your endeavors. Are you raising a positive child or a negative child? As their parent, you will help determine their outlook on life and, in part, it is as simple as your word choices. "No" falls so easily from our lips. As a parent, we have to deny our children often but do we have to say no? Instead we could give them alternatives, or we could redirect in a positive way but right now I want to focus purely on word choice. Consider this sentence: Don’t touch that! How many times a day? We say "don’t touch that" for safety, control, and sanity. "Don’t," contraction for "do not," is negative purely because not is a negator. Consider this sentence: Leave that alone! Same connotation but "leave that alone" is a positive statement. It is a doing statement. By using a sentence without the word "not" you have given your child a positive statement. By using an action word, you are teaching your child to be proactive. "Leave" gives the child an action where as a sentence with "not" generally gives the child an action to avoid. Using positive words instead of negative words can help your child be happier, confident, self-sufficient, and will create the foundation for their future interpretation of life events. As adults, think about how dejected and beat down we feel from constant rejection and negativity. Our children need to hear positive words! That last sentence could have been phrased, "Our children should not hear negative words." I challenge you to watch for opportunities to turn your speech positive. An easy way to begin is to drop the word "not" from your vocabulary. Noah performs on Jack Butturini American Karate’s demo team. ps. I’m testing Revver so please comment if you can’t see the video for some reason. Last night was one of those nights where I just should not have left the house. Of course, here of late as stress has increased, and I continue to work alone, I seem to have more socially inadequate moments. For me the blogfest was a blur as if I had too much to drink by the time I arrived. I got people’s names wrong, botched jokes, interrupted at inopportune times, could not get some of my past to come into clear focus, failed to eat my meal, and overall was a distraction rather than a compliment to the festivities. Oh, we also showed up late rather than early and that was me too. I blame Evan! The child does not get restaurants although the wait staff seemed pleased that Evan was willing to sweep the floors. He tore through the restaurant as if it were a race track. Poured tea on the table. He chatted with strangers trying to enjoy their meal with the exception of the older gentleman and his On the positive side, I finally made the connection that a fellow blogger happens to be an old friend from college days! I had to sit back with a stunned look on my face as a wealth of blocked memories rushed into my head like the failure of the Wolf Creek Dam will on Nashville. Better put a call into the psychologist and hypnotist. I have lost touch with most people of my past. My best friend from high school and college days who at one time could read my mind hasn’t even met my youngest child and has only seen Amy once. Strange how age, responsibility, and children pull us into our own little cosmoses. When we went to the funeral, we boarded Molly at Dreamcatchers. I had to fill out a form that required a local emergency contact and I struggled to actually come up with a name and a phone number since all the relatives were going to Parsons. Rich has the roundup listed as: Glenn, Helen, Tam, Friend o’ Tam (Bob I believe), Me, Cathy, Tommy, Evan, Mark, Lissa, Michael, and Rich. Cathy has the photographic evidence including the rain chains (see Jon) for Les. Let’s do another blogfest soon!From the mouths of babes
Another of Doug’s Mantras
Fire at Bearden High School
From the mouths of babes
Yes and…
The Half Full or Half Empty Child
Ti Quan Leap
Blogfest Happened!
daughter co-worker date escort hooker which is regretful because that could have been a fun conversation, "pardon my son for interrupting your, uh, uh, thang. So, do you measure those heals with a yard stick?" Evan was tired and doing his best to stay awake so I did the fatherly thing and drove him around until he slept but timed it wrong and he woke up just as I returned to the restaurant. Some thought I left angry but I was simply frustrated. I think Evan should have terrorized his grandparents instead of the patrons. For future blogfests, I will stay home and watch Evan, and Cathy and Tommy can go have a good time (and Tommy did have a good time! "Strawberry short cake fixes headaches and bad moods.")
