Amy, 4: "I stayed dry all night!"
Dad: "Very good. Now take off your pullup and stay dry."
Amy: "Dad, I didn’t wear a pullup. I am just like Mom!"
Category: Cathy
Dinner date with a woman without children
Woohoo! Cathy and I have a date tonight! The grandparents are watching all the children. So what are our plans? Christmas shopping! (after using the gift certificate to P.F. Chang’s that I got for my birthday of course)
Update: I also thought that no restaurant in Knoxville took reservations. P.F. Chang’s will actually take reservations up to a month in advance! The wait was way too long so our evening started with dropping Sarah off for her Church party, shopping, snuck in a dinner at Mimi’s Cafe, more shopping, picking up Sarah, and returning home. It was a fantastic evening.
Time to Pimp My Wife
Go here and click the picture of Amy. Please vote for her.
Guys watch porn and girls don’t.
Yesterday Cathy and I were discussing how it may have been uncomfortable for a 16 year old boy to watch a movie with sexual and drug related themes with his parents. We started talking about how Tommy requires a more direct approach with such things than other teenagers. Tommy does not get the benefit of friends gathering around and sneaking a watch of a dirty movie or one that your parents would disapprove. I know that I innocently got together with a bunch of friends in high school only to discover they had arranged to watch Caligula.
This version contained many scenes with extremely taboo, sexually, and violently explicit content, including … (see second bullet under "Multiple Versions" for the full description) [Source]
In the course of a couple of hours, my knowledge grew exponentially! (the curious can find pictures buried here) These are certain rites of passage that we assume everyone experiences but some people just miss out due to helicopter parenting or special needs. I am by no means suggesting that I sit down and watch porn with my son. I am suggesting that some people have gaps in what otherwise is common knowledge because that knowledge (slang, taboo subjects, etc) is taught through peer relations, relationships that simply do not exist in certain circumstances. I digress.
My real point is that from this discussion Cathy mentioned that "girls don’t watch porn." And added jokingly, "because they don’t have to!" She is right though. Girls could have the real thing anytime they want but hold back. Guys want it all the time but cannot get it. Funny how some things never change.
Cathy gets eBay – really well!
So, Cathy has this collection of Rodney Reindeers from Hallmark. They have been discontinued. We had 6 but now there are seven people in the family. I offer to help her find one more but she wants to take care of it. Several days pass and I hear nothing about it so I decide to take some initiative and check eBay. Rodney has about 85 auctions. I exuberantly relay the information to Cathy who responds with, "shutup!"
Apparently Cathy discovered Rodney on eBay on her own. And lost her first auction. In an effort to not lose again, she bid on 6 auctions! She won 3 of them. So, if the number of Rodneys are supposed to match the number of people in house, Cathy had better get to work because it appears we need to more than double the size of the household.
From the mouths of babes
Cathy sends text message: "Fighting nausea"
Doug sprints upstairs: "Are you pregnant?!"
From the mouths of babes
As I get out of the bath.
Cathy: "Would you [take your naked body over to your computer] turn off your camera so that I [can take my dressed, albeit gowned body and] empty the dryer?"
Does your spouse ever make your eye twitch?
I love my wife more than anything. She is special! She fantastic! She is beautiful! She is my soul mate. All that aside, she still occasionally makes me feel like Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus.
Me, trying to portion dinner: "Honey, are you a little hungry or a lot hungry?"
Wife, as I mouth the answer: "Medium."
Me: Twitch. Twitch.
I love my wife!
Put my wife in JPGMAG!
Please have a look at my wife’s submission and give her a yes vote for the October issue of JPGMAG. Thanks! Just referring to it as "my wife’s submission,"
noting that it is a picture, and hyperlinking to it should get lots of interest. I’ll entice you more and let you know the picture involves breasts.
We are ready for Hollywood!
Hehe! Time flies and memories fade but the joys that fill our lives are forever memorialized in blog. I just re-read my family’s re-enactment of a Malcolm in the Middle sketch.
Today’s Non-verbal Communication
For no apparent reason, Cathy wants me to stand behind the van. And I knew it before she posted this!
True Love – Speechless Communication
When Cathy and I were dating, I could read her mind. How connected! To know one another’s thoughts without speaking a word is bliss.
All married couples are familiar with this non-verbal communication. It changes a little after tying the knot. Ok, it changes a lot. For instance, when dating, I knew what Cathy needed. Now married, I simply know how angry she is with me.
The kids have a game called Punch Buggy. We archaic folk know it as Slug Bug and shun the unnecessary "no punch backs" childishness. Our most open communication comes through this game.
- When things are hunky-dory
- Cathy will call Slug Bug and the color and choose a child. No hit thrown of course. Occasionally, for balance, I receive a no hitter. And we all laugh.
- I may have irritated Cathy or she has had a frustrating day
- I get a light punch to the arm.
- I said something stupid
- I will feel a sting, still to the arm.
- I directly confront her, maybe without substance
- She stares into the parking lots like a hawk searching for a mouse and wallops me a good one possibly leaving a bruise. Any body part is fair game.
- My very presence annoys her for no rationale reason
- She will make up seeing a slug bug and magically find one of those Jedi nerve places bringing subtle tears to the corners of my eyes
- I yell at a child, scare her, or momentarily forget where I am
- She waits until we move to the back of the car, then she takes the tailgate and repeatedly slams it on my head. As I falter toward the ground she takes the baby from my hands and storms into Target with the other children leaving me bloody, dizzy, and barely standing in the parking lot. She never tells me the color of the Volkswagen.
Ah! Now that’s efficient communication.
From the mouths of babes
Husband: "What do you want for dinner honey?"
Wife: "Anything but ribs or salmon."
Husband: Gee thanks. That really narrows it down.
Happy Anniversary Wife!
I first met Cathy on October 23, 1999. I knew she was remarkable at first glance! We probably exchanged 3 sentences and by happenstance were brought together by friends in the beginning of 2000 hoping we would dispense with some mutual angst and move on with our lives.
Cathy and I dated approximately a year an a half. During that time she won me over and I put an engagement ring on her finger. A short while later we were watching the children play in the cove and questioned why wait. We had each experienced fancy weddings with our previous marriages. Noah was too young to appreciate a wedding; he has almost no memory of our trip to Disney World. Tommy was still too unpredictable and self-absorbed. The wedding would be meaningless to each of the boys, or so went our thinking. I checked some legalities and acquired a marriage license. Cathy and I told no one of our plan, had the grandparents watch the boys, and we took Sarah with us to Gatlinburg to Garter’s & Gun’s. We picked three nice costumes which velco’d on the back. They took our ol’ tyme photo. We went to a room decored as a chapel that could probably hold all of 10 people. The photographer performed a legally binding ceremony and Cathy and I became married on August 25, 2001 much to the disappointment and disbelief of many people.
Amy was born on June 10, 2002. There has been speculation that she encouraged our marriage. This speculation is wrong. Suffice it to say, everyone responded to 9/11 in their own way.
Six and a half years fly by so quickly. As I look back, they have been fantastic years! As I understand, the milestone years in marriages are 1, 3, 7, 10, 14, and 21. Those the years with the greatest numbers of divorces. Our relationship is still magical and strong. If anything could stand improvement, I need to be a better husband, father and provider. I remain the wildcard that introduces instability into our family. I need to be more of an anchor, a rock, a foundation. Looking back on our five years of marriage, the only missed goals have centered around that instability. So before we blink again and see another 5 years pass, I must provide more stability. In all other aspects, we have a wonderful marriage and a wonderful live!
Happy Anniversary Cathy! I love you!
ps. "5 years is a wood anniversary." Uh…
Respect to the Mommy Bloggers
In the brief times that I solely try to simultaneously watch and keep Evan happy in the name of giving Cathy a break I have accumulated dozens of half finished draft blog posts. How do you guys do it with infants, toddlers, and other assorted rug rats?! On top of producing great content for our reading pleasures, the Mommy Blogger Brigade tends to the emotional, spiritual and physical needs of the children and even squeeze in time to clean house, cook, and in some cases work a job or two among all the other varied things on their calendars. Amazing! I salut the Mommy Bloggers!
I’d say more but Evan wants me to be a jungle gym for a bit…
