A juggling technophile shares personal stories, challenges, humor and perhaps some political commentary.
Tommy has returned from college for a 9 day Thanksgiving break. Noah is home from school. Evan is up from his nap. Cathy has taken Sarah and a friend to the movies.
Evan, raising one finger then another like a peace sign: "I have Noah at home. I have Tom at home."
Love and importance!
Noah, 12.5 years old: "Who is Tom Sawyer?"
Dad: "You’ve never read Tom Sawyer?!"
Noah: "I’ve heard of him. He was on Fairly Odd Parents once."
Big families should use the buddy system and we do. In the parking lot, before entering a store, Cathy chimes out the buddies: "Amy, you’re with Dad. Evan is with Sarah. Noah is with me." (Tommy is at the border of Kentucky and Tennessee) As the children have grown older, they gain a little independence. For instance, in Target, Noah in the Middle is allowed to hang out at the video games on his own leaving him buddyless. Unfortunately, this hasn’t worked out too well for him. Today we shopped at Target for Amy’s homework supplies to decorate a pumpkin as Fancy Nancy. After checking out and loading the car, Sarah questions, "Uh, where’s Noah?" We forgot him! Again! One day Target is going to gain a night employee. Sorry Noah!
Dad, downstairs: "What is burning?"
Noah, upstairs: "Should I let the dogs out?"
The house quieted. Evan declared, "Give me bop. I go bed now." And with a little reluctance, he put himself to sleep. Noah coaxed Amy to bed but she sprang back after he slipped out to read a book. In the meantime, I took the dogs outside and sat on the porch, shirtless to enjoy the cool evening air with no mosquitoes and chant. Shortly into chanting, the peaceful neighborhood with its waxing gibbous moon (96% full) being sung to by crickets erupted into a cacophony of barks and howls. I continued to chant and Dharma and Molly, my German Shepherds, sat silently alert. Then there was the shriek! Altogether to close! Thanks to our camping in the Okefenokee, I am quiet familiar with the sound of fighting raccoon and I do not want my dogs tangling with one of those. Chanting ends. I usher the dogs inside to find Amy having trouble sleeping so we go to her bed and chant together until she is calm enough to sleep.
Cathy and Sarah along with Missy took off this morning in a decked out Saturn Vue loaned to them by GM to attend BlogHer in Washington, DC. Today was also my deadline for getting my IRS paperwork straightened out before they begin levying bank accounts again. Despite my pleas for one more week, they wouldn’t budge. Fortunately since today is a Sunday and tomorrow is a federal holiday, I have until Tuesday to turn the papers in. For a variety of reasons from "I didn’t feel like it that year" to "Cathy’s name didn’t match the records at the Social Security Department," I had missing or rejected IRS tax returns from 2002, 2003, 2004, and 2006. This makes Uncle Sam not like you. And when Uncle Sam doesn’t like you, he takes away a bunch of your money in fees, interest, penalties, and brute force.
The paperwork is straightened out. Amy has been to a birthday party. Evan and Noah to the circus with the grandparents. Noah is nursing a migraine. Amy and Evan are playing. And I’m programming (think I’ll slip some dinner in somewhere).
This morning was cool…until I got up. Cathy swapped roles with me this morning and got the children ready for school. What a relaxing way to start the day! I allowed myself 20 extra minutes of sleep then calmly got dressed and went upstairs to lend a hand by making Amy’s lunch. We were right on time to make the bus but pushing it. I had a simple plan: Amy and I run to the van and get to the bus stop. I remind the air, "Don’t let Dharma out!" It has been raining and I don’t have time to clean her feet for a van ride and still be able to get Amy to school. Then Evan runs into the kitchen with sticky buns caked to his hands. I exclaim, "Go wash your hands" but he needs help and no one is moving his direction. Cathy and I simultaneously take him to the bathroom and wash his hands. Suddenly Evan is to be a passenger. I’m watching the clock tick knowing that we are at a coin flip on making the bus or not. We rush to the front door and it magically opens and Dharma shoots out. I lunge for her and miss and she lands paws in the mud then digs in to race to the van. I lose it. I engage chase and booming voice (sorry neighbors). Dharma does something new, and hides under the van. All I picture is a dog that now needs a bath on a day that I don’t need distractions. She won’t come out so I honk the horn (sorry neighbors), yell, toss some rocks, why am I still trying to make the bus, the neighbor returns from the bus stop, the children are out trying to help so I yell at them to go back inside, Sarah gets Dharma out, I smack the dog and drag her by the scruff of the neck back inside, children are crying, dog is scared, and everyone is mad at me.
How could this have gone differently? All I had to do was close the front door. Within 15 seconds, Dharma would have been scratching to come inside. We could have said something witty and laughed instead of cried. And who cares if we missed the bus. I want to be that perfect tv dad. Can I have take 2?
Amy, three, with Noah, twelve, beside her: "Can the dogs go with us to school?" (she means carpool)
Dad: "Sure but don’t let them in the car until I wipe their feet."
Noah, Evan, Amy and the dogs walk out the door. Dad from the front porch hollers: "Don’t let the dogs in the car until their feet get wiped."
Noah walks to car and puts hand on door handle. Dad yells: "Don’t let the dogs in the van!"
Noah opens the door and lets Dharma in with no effort to stop her.
Dad goes on a tirade: {this part is unprintable}
Noah: "I thought you were talking to Amy."
Parenting is not getting upset about spending $29 on what you thought was a child-friendly dinner only to have 3 children decide not to eat.
Update: A fourth child stayed at a friend’s house because their Chinese food sounded better than our dinner. The fifth child had cheese cake because he’s away at the university.
Lost my temper with the twelve year old because he acted like a 12 year old boy. No! Not that. He was supposed to be watching the little ones while I did some programming and worked on the plumbing but he got drawn into his Playstation2, the one I told him not to play. I demonstrated anger, made 2 children cry, and now everyone (mostly Mom) is justifiably mad at me. Sometimes I wish I could roll the clock back just a few minutes and have a little do-over. Hugs, humility and apologies went all around. Tears were brushed away. But the damage is done. Self-flagellation ahead.
Bearden High School has a home game tonight. Sarah will be demonstrating her excellence. Last year we discovered it was neither cost effective or prudent to take the whole family so Cathy and I take turns going to the games to support the teamflags. Alright, usually Cathy goes. So tonight’s evening chaos is brought to you by Liquid Plumber, The BHS Band Boosters, McDonald’s, and the RedCross babysitting training. Participants in tonight’s chaos are Amy, Evan, Noah, and Dad. Absence from this evenings show is Tommy who stayed at the college to chill with his hommies, Sarah who when not flirting with Zak is spinning flags on the field, and Mom who is taking pictures of Sarah flirting with Zak. Mom shoves down a McDonald’s cheese burger and is out the door leaving Noah instructions to get the trash out of the kitchen then help Dad with Amy and Evan. Amy is told to help Dad with Evan. Mom leaves. Noah goes to the back of the house and plays video games. Dad blinks at the trash. Amy and Evan erupted into loudness contests. Dad tries to figure out how to divide time between refereeing Amy and Evan, working on the tub, and coding web applications. It’s quiet upstairs… too quiet…
Between coughing up my lungs today, I have been hard at programming on a project. I have some neat things happening but they never seem to happen quickly enough. I took only one break today to return something I borrowed longer than I should have. I am close on my code but it always seems like I need just another half an hour when our evening chaos erupts. This evening’s chaos was complicated by the high school parent night.
What is evening chaos? It starts when a child says he needs the mouse I stole from his computer so he can do his homework. Then Mom dashes out the door explaining the homework Amy has to do after the kids finish cleaning the kitchen table. That’s the table with 3 inches of soapy foam on it and a perplexed middle schooler asking, "uh. How do I clean that up?" Still he manages to leave the table a sticky mess. Evan, who is getting closer to being housebroken, pees on the floor in the girls room. I’m on the phone with the bank trying to get them to fax me a letter that they say they can’t mail to me for 10 days due to federal law. I need it Monday but preferably tomorrow. Dinner has to be made. Go downstairs and sharpen a pencil. Hear Amy and Evan start to fight. Cathy texts to tell me she is going to park illegally. I call to give her a hard time but get voicemail so I text her my approval and then she calls. Evan is screaming just because he has lungs that aren’t filled with gunk. Evan wants to help with Amy’s homework. Oh dinner. Noah has a question on his homework. Code? Sharpen pencil again. And… that’s just the beginning.
Don’t do business with Jack Butturini of Martial Arts America or any other karate studio/instructor that requires you to sign a 3 year contract. Think about the length of time you are asking your child to commit to a specific interest! My 12 year old has spent nearly ¼ of his life practicing karate two and three times a week. Interests wane for children. A responsible parent should encourage the child to explore different interests, and yes, a responsible parent should encourage commitment but within reason.
My son started taking karate in the summer of 2005 (earliest post). He is burned out and hasn’t gone to a single lesson for the past 3 months. He achieved his black belt and is done. He lost his motivation before the black belt testing but showed great resolve in completing the task he had begun and I found that both honorable and mature.
Today I asked Jack Butturini to absolve me of the remaining time on our contract as I find spending $175 a month to receive no services in return a little ludicrous. His studio has moved 3 times since we started with Martial Arts America (formerly Jack Butturini Karate) each time becoming further away and more inconvenient and he is now preparing for a move to his fifth building. One of the moves was damage control to remove his name from the studio after a party at the Butturini household was busted with minors allegedly being provided alcohol by the adults (see also and commentary at Dr. Helen). While others badmouthed him, I stood up for his character and the philosophies the school taught. People were unquestionably released from contracts but we stuck with him. Today, as he laid his inability to release me from a contract on the shoulders of the owner of a billing company (SEP) which will have me dishing out another $1925 for no services rendered, I decided I could no longer give the same character reference. As such, I officially retract any supportive commentary I have given Jack Butturini and Martial Arts America.
I also admonish the karate industry itself as a thieving, conniving, bunch of unscrupulous bloodsuckers who under the guise of "character development" seek to empty your wallets in contracts and testing fees. I make that statement after talking to parents of students in a variety of karate studios around town all of which ultimately seem more interested in selling uniforms, testing fees, and locking you into a monthly fee and contract comparable to leasing a car than they are in your child’s development as a martial artist.
I think karate and the other martial arts are wonderful for children. I think it develops discipline, agility, grace, balance, and muscles. I do not think parents should be baited into a long term serious economic commitment by stringing a child along for 30, 60 or 90 days then dashing their hopes "unless mommy and daddy sign this piece of paper." If you cannot find a studio with shorter commitments such as quarterly or monthly, then give up on karate and do something longer lasting such as Boy Scouts. Now if you excuse me, I have to go close a bank account and prepare to be sued. [Update: Readers request clarification of this statement. That was snarky. Although I considered it for one angry moment, I would not close that account.]
Update: Paula is happy with Eun’s Martial Arts Center, 11110 Kingston Pke, Knoxville, TN (865) 675-2255 who offers 1 year contracts.
Update: Stormare Mackee recommends Wheeler’s Karate in Powell off of exit 112 who has 6 month contracts at roughly $80 per month.
Update: To be more clear on the figures, Noah has not attended a class for 3 months, 3 x $175 = $525, so the total I will end up paying out is $2450 to not attend his school and this is why you should never attend a single day at any studio which requires a long term contract. If you get rooked into a trial period, the child will be hurt; see paula’s comment: "…The kid was devastated…"
Update: Be sure to read Toni McSorley’s comment! Sounds like a school doing the right thing!
Update: I received an email asking if my statement that "I have to go close a bank account and prepare to be sued" meant I don’t plan on honoring my contract with Jack Butturini. To clarify, that was a snarky comment made in jest. I admit I considered it but doing so would be against my nature. I asked the billing company to move the bill date from the 20th to the 5th of the month. They increased my bill from $175 to $190(They adjusted it back down to $175), that account is open, and as long as the IRS has not seized it, they’ll get their hard earned money. There is a medical clause which applies to my son that allows exiting of the contract but based on Jack Butturini’s comments I really don’t expect him to be open to that. My motive of this post? Simply to warn other parents to be cautious of placing their young children into such lengthy contracts. Think about the last time you joined a gym and later found yourself paying monthly fees and not going. This is the same thing.
My son is doing percussion in the 7th grade. I think this is the year he should have some private instruction. Can you recommend a drum instructor preferably near Rocky Hill or West Town Mall in Knoxville, TN?
Today we sent the 1st, 7th and 10th graders to school. Evan now has his grandmother’s defunct cell phone as a toy. It still has some juice so the screen lights up and the menus work. Last night when Cathy and I came to bed the crib was doing a flashy Close Encounters number. After silencing that visual alarm I set the phone by my bed. Well, apparently my mother-in-law gets up every day at 5am. At least, that’s when her cell phone alarm went off. I wanted to rise at 6 or 6:15. Never give yourself a choice! The secret to waking is picking a specific time and sticking to it. Also don’t do the easy the numbers; nothing that would be printed on a clock face. Wake at 6:01 not 6:00. Wake at 6:14 not 6:15 etc. I did wake at 6:00 without an alarm. And again at 6:07 when I stirred Cathy and decided today would be 6:15. I totally forgot the french toast and bacon I had wanted to prepare for their first day of school. At 6:54 Cathy kicked me out of bed and cursed me. We rushed Amy to readiness and at the last minute she decides on says she needs the restroom but could hold it until school. No way! We give her the time she needs and miss the bus by seconds. As we drive up the street, the bus is starting its turn onto Northshore Drive. Amy was not phased. She is simply jolly to be going to school.
Noah headed off in time very nonchalant. And Sarah is trying to carry far too much in one trip. Wet artwork, 3 flags, courier bag, and something else I cannot remember.
Good luck children! Have fun at school and learn much.
Oh, what of Tommy and Evan? They don’t start quite yet but to prepare Tommy for rising so early, he has to get himself up by 7am and be bathed and dressed else he loses computer privileges for the day. This morning he woke at 7am but his sister occupied the bathroom so he took advantage of the moment to sleep in his chair. Perhaps his time sound be earlier!
Update: Cathy points out that today went rather swimmingly despite the missed bus and I agree. "Rough" is relative.
