Category: Touchy Subjects

The things that should never be discussed much less published by non-professionals.

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Their typo causing grief

While I was getting ready to prepare dinner, someone drove up to my house and said, "I don’t mean to sound insensitive but I saw on the Internet that this house may be up for sale." He failed. That did sound terribly insensitive and lowly. See, the mortgage company has misplaced some of my payments. Fortunately, I always use Western Union for mortgage payments making transactions very traceable. I call department A and they say, "Oh yes, department B has make an error. I can see it here." Corrections are supposedly made and I am told to call back in 72 hours. The next day department B calls and refers me to department A and the cycle repeats. Of course, in the meantime, this has not stopped department B from bringing in lawyers and threatening foreclosurestarting foreclosure proceedings complete with setting an auction date.

I understand people go through misfortune, and other people will take advantage of that misfortune to make a buck or two, but how greedy do you have to be to approach a family during their dinner before their house is even in foreclosure? I guess tomorrow the mortgage company and I need to get this straightened out. "Lowry! We’ve got another one."

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A brief pause

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for a bureaucratic pause. Tasks: a) convince a creditor that they have misapplied my payments and to back their lawyers off, b) figure out how to get Cathy’s last name updated with Social Security without having to drive to Illinois, and c) figure out what’s not happening with FASFA. Bets? 30 minutes or 6 hours on the phone?

Update: a) done until tomorrow when I have to call them again. b) Cathy got taken care of (hurrah! Super woman!) c) next.

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Mainstream Media – Like the Hindenburg, just slower.

What happened to journalist integrity?

Clip summary (because I’m sure Youtube will pull this): KTLA Reporter Eric Spillman insults iPhone customers standing in line while on live television. Spillman asks, "Have you ever seen a woman naked?" iPhone customer responds with "This is kinda jackass, no?" "You find this offensive." "Well yeah and its kinda dumb too." He tries to save face and the customer responds, "This is not smart. You call this journalism?"

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Let Oak Ridge, er, Hollywood Clean Up the Mess!

Right now there is a huge ecological disaster happening in Tennessee. An 18 wheeler tanker has a spill of highly volatile material, titanium tetrachloride, and has caused an evacuation of everything within 10 miles of the accident as well as totally shutting down Interstate 40 near Crossville and having some people stuck in traffic 6-12 hours. This sounds similar to the train wreck that evacuated much of Farragut a couple of years ago.

So here is the scenario: Truck containing hazardous materials traveling on Interstate 40 has a problem and substance begins leaking. Nine people get sent to a hospital. Area is quarantined and evacuated for a radius of ten miles. A hazmat team is sent in, cannot contain the leak, and determines contents of truck to be producing heat (ie. explosion pending). To make matters worse, water mixed with this hazardous material produces hydrochloric acid. Winds are currently blowing strong. Storms are forecasted in less than twelve hours and the special cleanup team from New Jersey will take twelve or more hours to arrive. Sounds like an out of work script writer is trying to pitch Paramount.

My question: Why isn’t Oak Ridge responding to this? Certainly the labs are prepared for a worse ecological disaster than this. Between Becthel Jacobs, SAIC, Perma-Fix, and the dozens of other contractors that regularly do work at Y12 (in particular cleanup and handling of dangerous materials), you would think we could have a crew to Crossville in one hour instead of twelve. Are lives at stake for bureaucracy? Is this Katrina on a smaller scale?

How would Hollywood handle this? Simple! Tommy Lee Jones would come barking in to establish perimeters and control the choas while Will Smith beats some people into cooperating/doing actual cleanup and Chris Tucker smack talks the red tape out of the way. Of course we don’t get to learn the outcome because Hollywood is poised for a second strike (See Return of the Bad Television – Guild Strike Part Deux).

And would someone teach the AMPTP about permalinks?

Our final offer to SAG members includes more than $250 million in additional compensation, important new media rights and protection for pension and health benefits. The refusal of SAG’s Hollywood leadership to accept this offer is the latest in a series of actions by SAG leaders that, in our opinion, puts labor peace at risk. SAG’s Hollywood leaders have already pursued a time-consuming, divisive, costly, and unsuccessful anti-AFTRA campaign. Any further delay in reaching a reasonable and comprehensive agreement does a disservice to the thousands of working people of our industry who are already being seriously harmed by the ever worsening de facto strike. [Source, AMPTP, Breaking News, July 10, 2008, Statement of the AMPTP] (See also July 8, 2008, AFTRA Ratification Statement and June 30, 2008, Statement of the AMPTP)

Any increase for the benefits of health insurance, pension, or residual gains made by the WGA are also likely to be demanded by other entertainment industry labor unions when their contracts expire. This is a practice known as pattern bargaining — the first union to reach a contract with the AMPTP usually sets the template for the agreement with other unions. The contracts for the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) and Directors Guild of America (DGA) expired on June 30, 2008. [Source, Wikipedia, Other 2008 industry-wide strike threats]

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Top 10 Ways to have a happy marriage

@RandomChick asks "what’s the key to a successful/happy marriage?"

  1. Never let your wives find out about each other.
  2. Having a twin brother, never telling anyone, one works/one is at home, and the two of you can never be seen together.
  3. Lots of money. Because money can buy you happiness! And it can buy you love. But if you want happiness in marriage, never use your money to buy love.
  4. Nannies, babysitters, Mary Poppins, Oh My!
  5. Two houses. She should be living in the one you aren’t remodeling.
  6. Date nights! Just because you are married doesn’t mean you should quit dating. Get a babysitter for the children and act like you did before you said, "I do!" And don’t talk about todo lists, appointments, or other issues on your date!
  7. Remember small things add up. Leave a note, scrub a back, do one of your spouses chores (that is unless she hates the way you fold clothes and in that case just stay away from the laundry!), or knock something off that honey do list you’ve been ignoring.
  8. Viagra + Zoloft + Depakote
  9. Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and practice it.
  10. Be married to my wife! (But be aware you’ll have to support me as well as the five children too)
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God Save the Queen!

As seen on Puerilis:

God Save the Queen!

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
(You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

  1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
  2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as “colour”, “favour”, “labour” and “neighbour.” Likewise, you will learn to spell “doughnut” without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise’. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up “vocabulary“).
  3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter “u” and the elimination of -ize.
  4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
  5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
  6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
  7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
  8. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
  9. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
  10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
  11. The co ld tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
  12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
  13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don’t try rugby – the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
  14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyondyour borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
  15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
  16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
  17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

[Source, Puerilis]

I wonder if we could talk Christian Payne (@documentally) into recording a reading of this. I tried but it was God awful! Now, give me some Jeff Foxworthy transcripts and I’ll do just fine!

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Bin Laden, Mission Accomplished

Bin Laden wanted oil to be $144 a barrel instead of $11 a barrel.

In a 1998 interview, Osama bin Laden — the terrorist organizer of 9/11 who still roams free — listed as one of his many grievances against the U.S. that Americans "have stolen $36 trillion from Muslims" by purchasing oil from Persian Gulf countries at low prices. The real price of a barrel of oil should be $144, bin Laden demanded. [Source, Think Progress, FLASHBACK: Ten Years Ago, Bin Laden Demanded Barrel Of Oil Should Cost $144]

Seen on Knoxviews.

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John McCain: ‘I hate the bloggers’

Way to win my vote Johnny! As seen on Crooks and Liars:

JOHN MCCAIN: "Now we’ve got the cables. We’ve got talk radio. We’ve got the bloggers. I hate the bloggers. We’ve got all kinds of sources of information."

The hi-res version of the clip is available for download (25.9MB) as well as the full campaign event (162MB). Anyone have a Youtube version that is a little longer?

Update: Remember John McCain [wants] to shutdown [the] blogosphere.

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McCain Doesn’t Use Gas

Ok. McCain uses gas but doesn’t know the price of a gallon of gas. Is it relevant? I would think so but then again, in a leadership position, it is not so much what you know as much as what your advisers can tell you.

WISCKOL: When was the last time you pumped your own gas and how much did it cost? 


McCAIN: Oh, I don’t remember. Now there’s Secret Service protection. But I’ve done it for many, many years. I don’t recall and frankly, I don’t see how it matters. I’ve had hundreds and hundreds of town hall meetings, many as short a time ago as yesterday. I communicate with the people and they communicate with me very effectively.

Source, The Huffington Post, John McCain Doesn’t Know the Price of Gas/Can’t Remember the Last Time He Bought Any]

I had the unique pleasure of being called "a flaming liberal" by a relative a couple of weeks ago. I have never really applied a label to my political beliefs so it actually took me a second to process; that is until he said, "I’d vote for W a third term!" Who has those flaming liberal t-shirts? I’ll wear one.