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Not a pleasant awakening

Three nights ago, my left calf seized around 2am. It felt like my leg was tearing in half. The muscle is still sore today. Two nights ago, my right calf seized around the same time but I awoke quickly enough and managed to massage and relax the muscle sooner to avoid lingering pain. My wife thinks I’m pregnant.

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I was asleep but NOOooo! She wanted a damned blanket…

Stress wears on the body as well as the mind. This week I peaked. And I crashed. Promises of staying up late with my wife for were broken. Just before my head hit the pillow, blackness engulfed me. I never felt the pillow. It was as if a blackhole sucked my total being from my body. Perhaps the HLC finally became operational and the world ended.

Our bed is Disneyesque. I don’t mean that it is a canopy bed with glorious antique wood bedposts extending to the ceiling nor a frilly thing with more pillows than bed space. Our bed more resembles Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory or Bedknobs and Broomsticks only we don’t fly ours that often. Typically I hit the sack first as Cathy finishes cleaning the upstairs and readying the children’s backpacks and clothing for morning. One or two hundred pound German Shepherds join me. Cathy comes to bed shortly after the dogs and complains that she has no where to put her feet. She wrestles the covers and nudges dogs hoping they roll over onto me which often they do. Having large dogs sleep on your legs is like having a stack of electric quilts and a boat anchor holding you in bed only without the electricity or the boat. It certainly does not encourage getting out of bed, rolling over, or doing anything conjugal. Next the cat wanders into the bed room. Both dogs stretch their necks pondering a chase but inevitability decide chasing the cat is not worth losing their valuable real estate on the bed. The cat then jumps onto the bed typically settling on top of my head ala Davy Crockett’s coon skin cap. Sometime between midnight and 2:30am, Evan sleepwalks into the bedroom, climbs over his mother, and cuddles up between the two of us. Later Amy comes into the room, shoves a dog more to the center of the bed, takes one of my two pillows, moves to the corner of the bed beneath Cathy’s feet, pulls the hospital corner out and gets under the covers between one dog, and Cathy’s feet. Flipping over, stretching legs, or working cramps out are out of the question.

Last night, that was our bed and I was dead to the world. For all I knew, I was alone. Until the shriek! The dogs and children had managed to short sheet us and it was cold! Cathy whined, no, almost screamed, "Give me a sheet!" I mutter under my breath and pretend to be asleep assuming a grown adult can get her own damned sheet. "AhhhahHHH! Get me a blanket!" she cried. For better or for worse. In sickness or health. For richer or poorer… Where the hell did it say anything about waking me from the deepest, best sleep of my life to walk to her side of the bed and cover her with a blanket?! I glowered at her; she writhed, whimpered, and cried and I caved but not without letting my displeasure be known. I rose with a grumble, squealed as my feet missed my slippers and landed on the cold concrete floor, muttered as I stomped to the chest of drawers on her side of the bed, cursed under my breath as I recovered a blanket, and said loving words as I covered her noting that I was still short sheeted and exposed to the basement chill. I returned to my side of the bed, pulled a dog over me, and blacked out.

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Overslept – Do you use an alarm clock?

Last night I slept deep! I had vivid, colorful dreams with incredible detail. Central themes: strife. I haven’t used an alarm clock since about 6 months before Amy was born. So for about 6%frac12; years I have gone to sleep by saying, "I will wake up at ____." Usually, I wake within 5 minutes of the time I say as I lay down. Today I overslept 45 minutes! I was just so mentally and physically exhausted. Amy still made it to school on time although just under the bell.

Last weekend our Scout troop had its monthly scout master meeting. Eight adults showed up and I had the opportunity to relate my success of waking without an alarm clock. Another adult chimed up and said, "Oh yes. I’ve done that for 10 years." 25% of the people sitting at the table spent the bulk of a decade successfully waking without an alarm clock. I wonder if the numbers hold. Does ¼ of society choose to not have an alarm clock and still wake on time?

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How did you sleep?

Fell asleep at midnight. Woke at 2am. Could not convince myself to stay and work. Woke again at 4am to Evan joining us in bed. Woke at 5am to a cat leaning up against my chest, my son leaning up against my back, a dog on my feet and somewhere in the distance corners of the bed was my wife and the other dog. Woke at 6am in same condition as 5am and it just did not seem fair to disturb everyone by me getting up. At 8am Evan decides we should be up and at 8:30am everyone is out of bed.

Related: Why is it So Hard to Wake Up in the Morning? and 5 Things You Must Know About Sleep. Other links related to sleep that I have collected.

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Oversleeping takes on whole definition when the person you are working with is 5 hours (or 14) ahead of you!

Stress seems to make it worse wearing the body down. I have written before that the stress reaction used to make sense. You are on the savanna, a lion pops out of the tall grass and begins chasing you, stress kicks in causing an adrenaline rush, and you bolt into the forest to escape becoming a picnic dinner. The stress is short lived. But ongoing stress (days, weeks, years) beats the dickens out of you! Then add to it that I have been staying up past midnight and waking up with or before the roosters and the body feels run over. I suppose those conditions beg for a collapse. Why couldn’t it have come in two days instead of this morning?!

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How to have sex while 5 children are in the house

Someone has finally figured out how to have intimate moments without fear of scaring the minds of your youth by having them accidentally walk in on mom and dad being gross. See this worksafe link for the details. Via BoingBoing.


  • 1.25″ Polycarbonate Bulletproof Plating/Shielding
  • Bio-Chemical Filtered Ventilation
  • Rebreather
  • Control Panel Mode Selection (i.e., Basic System Ops., Intruder Setting, Energy Status, Lock Down, etc.)
  • Cover & Door Actuators w/ Emergency Release
  • One way see through head cover (reflective mirror on 2 sides and front)
  • Safety Features (Proximity Sensor, O2 Sensor, Smoke Det., Motion Det. Ect,)
  • Emergency Communication system (Cellular, Short-wave Radio, CB ect.)
  • Audio Amplifier (Amplify sound from out side unit)
  • Air/Water Tight Sealing
  • External Override Key Pad & Remote Control
  • Battery Backup Power
  • Toiletry system

Source, QSleeper

Please remember the vasectomy campaign!

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I stole my wife’s dream

I woke up having my wife’s dream waking up having my wife’s dream waking up having my wife’s dream. She did this the other night and it is both disturbing and cool. After coding during the wee hours I took a nap and dreamed that I woke up and went back to coding and after a little work I really woke up to realize I had been dreaming about work then I closed my eyes drifting back to sleep to have the same dream. I repeated this cycle about 4 times.

I feel very sleep deprived.

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I dream solutions to my problems

At 3am, I was pounding my head on my keyboard with this bizarre problem. The PHP code I had written was reading the XML data from the XML file but for some inexplicable reason was breaking one of the nodes in half. If it was supposed to read "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" it would instead create two nodes such as "the quick brown" and "fox jumped over the lazy dog". Maddening! So I slept. And in 5 minutes this morning, I solved the problem. I still wish I could take a pill instead of sleeping.

Update: The correction to the problem was to read the whole file instead of reading it in 4096 chunks.

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I sleep for my clients

In college, I spent a lot of time trying to live on only 3 hours of sleep a night. It was that "sleep is a waste of time thing." After a couple of years, I crashed and slept through a summer break. For the record, you cannot catch up on sleep. If you think you can shave a few hours one night and make them up another night, you are fooling yourself. However, you can make yourself sick.

Last night I wanted to pull an all nighter for work. I chose to sleep. I might have produced some sloppy work last night in twice the time it will take me to wrap it up this morning. I may deliver a little later than I had hoped today. But my work will be higher quality and I feel healthier. Because I slept. Still wish I could take a pill instead of losing those hours.